


It Won't Kill You

by VengeanceAngel



Series: 12 Days of Harringrove [3]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: 12 Days of Harringrove, Attempted Masturbation, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy makes and empty threat of harming Steve if he doesn't pleasure him, Boys fighting, Comedic relief at inappropriate times, Hurt Steve Harrington, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Non-con is extremely fleeting and does not go far at all, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Snow, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Steve attempts a blow job under duress and Billy doesn't let him, Steve talks about sexual assault, please mind the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2019-10-03 18:46:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17289410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VengeanceAngel/pseuds/VengeanceAngel
Summary: Billy gets Steve home from the park (Part II) with little problem, but the real drama starts once they are safe and sound from the incoming weather. A snowstorm traps the boys together and when there is very little to do, the best distraction seems to be putting a foot in the mouth. Misunderstandings and judgments galore end up leading to hurt feelings, fights, and insults. Through it all, they might end up learning enough about the other to develop a truce, a friendship, and maybe start bordering on something a little more.Day 3 prompt: Snow





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the 12 Days of Harringrove series. It would really be best to check out the first two parts before reading this. Part I is Mistletoe and Part II is Skating. This part is SNOW! Please enjoy.

Dec. 1 (cont...)

Billy pulls into Steve’s driveway, thankful that Steve’s car had been dropped off and the others had left already. He isn’t sure whether he should thank their instincts for that and knowing that he wanted to speak to Steve alone or if their sense of self-preservation was to thank. Snow that began to fall lightly when Billy was still a mile away was now coming down so hard that he was certain that if he’d been even 15 minutes later, he would have had to fight to see where he was going. He turns the car off and looks out at the snow for a bit. The sky is getting a bit darker, but with the white fluff coming down, it was kind of pretty instead of dreary. He looks over at Steve and sees him lightly dozing. It’s cute for about two seconds until he remembers the instructions from the doctor. He reaches out to touch Steve’s shoulder and then stops and leans his head back against his seat, trying to gather his thoughts. 

Within a minute, he feels a tightening around his throat and the need to get air into his lungs quickly. He opens the car door and gets out, fighting the urge to run and slams the door closed behind him. He leans over, his hands gripping his denim covered knees. Once his breathing slows, he stands and leans back against his car and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes gently. _Come on, Hargrove, this is not the time to lose your shit. It’s just fucking snow and you’re not on the road spinning around. You’re at Steve’s fucking…_ He takes a look to be sure. _…Steve’s fucking mansion of a house. Now get it together. You really want to spend all this time free from Neil standing in your first snow and acting like a pussy?_

He’s not sure why his impromptu and slightly shitty pep talk works, but it does. He takes one more deep breath and then smiles, a bit amused at himself for his moment of emotional whatever the hell it is. Maybe it’s something about the snow or feeling as if he’s enclosed in a bubble where nobody can see him. There is almost zero visibility now and Steve’s house is just a shadow. Standing in the snow, surrounded by white, with no sound that he can make out…. It feels safe. And the only thing that seems to exist in this newfound peace is his car and Steve. It’s a little overwhelming and something about it makes him want to hug Steve tight and cry. He’s not sure if it has something to do with Steve or if he just wants held by anyone who isn’t trying to hurt him. Either way, it feels awkward enough to send him into another mini anxiety attack if he thinks about it for too long. 

So he opens the door and looks in at Steve, trying to figure out the best way to wake him up. He finally decides on up close and personal and shuts his door once more to go over to the passenger side. He looks down at himself and realizes he’s about to be covered in the white powder, too, if he stands outside for too much longer. He opens the door and squats down next to Steve, not sure if being over him would be a good idea considering how he reacted to the doctor earlier. He reaches for Steve’s hand and interlocks their fingers before giving the hand a gentle squeeze. 

“Hey… your highness… your palace awaits.” He waits a few seconds and then removes his hand and runs it up to his shoulder instead. He shakes him lightly. “Steve, come on. You gotta wake up or I’m going to have to get rougher.” He wonders at that. Since when did he worry about getting rough with Steve Harrington and where is his tough I don’t give a shit personality when he needs it?

When he still doesn’t get a reaction, he starts to worry. He decides to unbuckle Steve’s seatbelt and maybe bodily pull him out of the car. He stands and leans over Steve to get to the buckle. Of course that is the moment that Steve stirs. Before Billy can back off so Steve can see his face, Steve is scrambling out of the car, shoving Billy on his ass in the snow and falling to his knees as his legs refuse to cooperate. 

Billy can tell how disoriented Steve is so he places a hand out as if calming a wild animal. “Steve… Steve, it’s okay. You’re just kind of… concussed.” 

Steve sits back on his knees and brushes the snow off his hands and onto his coat before looking up into the sky and trying to figure out what the hell is happening. He lets out a breath as it all comes back to him and then looks over at Billy. “It’s snowing.” 

Billy smiles and stands up. “You think?” He holds out a hand to Steve and hauls him up, catching him easily as the other boy stumbles. “I’ve got you.” He rubs his hand up and down Steve’s back. “Dizzy?”  
Steve nods. “Yeah, kind of nauseous, too.”

Billy frowns. “Look, we can go straight to the hospital if we have to. That doctor said-“

“No. I don’t want to go anywhere but inside. Once I sit down and maybe get something to eat, I’ll feel better. Promise.” He looks up again. “You’re staying, right? You can’t drive in this.”

Billy nods and tries not to think about the feelings stirring in his gut due to holding Steve against him. He knows the other boy is all about the ladies and he decides that these feelings are all because he hasn’t had a guy in his bed since California. He shakes off the thoughts and gives Steve a clear answer. 

“Yeah, I might stay. I have to get a hold of Hopper to find out for sure.” He gently kicks the car door with his foot to close it, deciding to come out later to get his bag of clothes. He is grateful that Steve doesn’t say anything about how he keeps an arm tight around Steve’s waist to get him to the door, or how he keeps it around him after they’ve gotten to the couch and sit down. Although Steve doesn’t mention it at first, he finally he turns to look at him and that causes Billy to put some distance between them. 

“Hey, sorry… about the skating. I’m pretty clumsy. I shouldn’t have gone out there and tried it. If I would have just sat down on the bench and kept my ass off the rink, everyone would have kept having fun.”

Billy is stunned at the venom in Steve’s voice toward himself and it causes him to hesitate in response. 

The pause is enough for Steve to take it as Billy’s agreement with the statement and he abruptly stands up, holding out his arms slightly to balance himself. “I need to eat. Why don’t you find a place to put your stuff while I dig around in the kitchen? Then we can call Hopper.”

Billy stands in Steve’s way. “You sure you can handle it? You don’t look very steady.”

“It’s fine. I know how to take care of myself. I did it after you beat my head in so I don’t need anyone now. I mean… I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t mean I didn’t want _you_ here.”

“You just… don’t need a babysitter. I get it.”

Steve looks Billy in the eyes then and Billy sees just a hint of surprise and fear followed by something that looks like amusement. “Yeah… yeah, I don’t need a babysitter.” 

Billy wonders how Steve can smile and sound wrecked at the same time, but he does it somehow. Billy files that away for later, right next to Steve’s jumpiness and his supposed self-loathing, and heads out to the car. He pulls out his bag and decides to get his skates, too, so he can dry them properly. He jogs back up, noting how the snow is sticking now and there is no sign of any grass anymore. 

He opens the front door and stomps his shoes on the rug for a few seconds before realizing that there’s actually no reason he needs to wear them at all. He kicks his shoes off and starts to walk into the living room, but groans. He looks down to see that he’s stepped into a bit of a puddle from when they first walked in. He rolls his eyes and continues walking to the living room. Once there, he drops his bags at the doorway and then strips off his socks. When he finally drops them next to the bag, too, he looks up and catches Steve grinning at him in amusement. “What?”

"Nothing. You just… make yourself at home there, Hargrove.”

Billy rolls his eyes. “You want me to stamp around here in my wet shoes and socks, I can do that, smartass.” He looks at Steve carefully. “Actually, why the hell are you still wearing that shit? You’re going to get colder than you already were.” He comes over and practically pushes Steve toward the couch and starts taking some of Steve’s stuff off. The jacket that Steve was wearing under his heavier coat is tossed, as are the shoes and socks once Steve is sitting down. 

As the socks come off, Steve gasps and practically jumps up on the couch. Billy watches in concern until he notices Steve’s face redden. As an experiment, Billy brushes against Steve’s foot and barely manages to catch the other boy’s ankle before getting kicked in the face. “Ticklish?” Billy grins and licks his teeth to stifle a laugh. 

“Shut up.” Steve crosses his arms over his chest like a child and rearranges himself so his feet are underneath him. 

Billy shakes his head. “No can do, your highness. Your clothes are wet, too. I didn’t think about the state they’d be in from you lying on the ice for as long as you did. Come on, let’s get to your room and find something dry and warm for you to put on.” 

Steve does what Billy can only describe as pouting. His lower lip sticks out slightly and he huffs out a breath. 

Billy takes a deep breath and sits down next to Steve. “Okay… what is it now?”

“Nothing. I just don’t know how I feel about you bossing me around in my own home.” Steve looks a little embarrassed about what he’s saying, but Billy isn’t sure why. 

“Yeah, I get it, but you were hurt, remember? I’m honestly just trying to make sure you’re okay so Hopper doesn’t bury me in your backyard tomorrow. I don’t think he’d hesitate to put me in the ground if I fuck with you again.”

Steve shrugs. “He’s not like that. He knows you need help now. If he knows someone needs help, he’s there. If he doesn’t…” He shrugs again. “Then he doesn’t.” He pulls a very non graceful move of rubbing his shirt sleeve roughly under his nose while sniffling at the same time. 

Billy stands again. “Oh fuck no… If you get sick, I’m toast. Get up. Let’s go. Bossy or not, we’re not debating it. Up.” He pulls Steve up, avoiding the soiled shirt sleeve. He guides the brunette back to the entry way and toward the stairs, assuming Steve’s room is upstairs. He stays right behind Steve and is glad he does so as the injured boy wobbles precariously on a step near the top. Billy’s hand on the small of his back seems to steady him and it isn’t long before Billy finds himself in King Steve’s bedroom. He whistles low and looks around. “Damn, this room is about as big as half my house.”

Steve walks over to the dresser and starts to pull some things out. “It feels like too much space to me.” He glances up at Billy. “I have some things you can borrow. I don’t know what you brought, but my sweats are really warm so… I mean if you want.” 

Billy grins. “You’re going to sully your royal wardrobe with poor man’s sweat?” He laughs. “Sure, why the hell not. It’s not like this weekend can get any fucking weirder than it already has.” He looks out the window. “Not sure we’ll have school Monday with this going on. Especially if it keeps up through tomorrow.”

Steve shakes his head. “Probably not. Hopper told me that we’d have to leave a little earlier from the park than I had planned anyway because of the weather system and he said there would most likely be no school for awhile by the looks of it.” He tosses a pair of sweats over to Billy. 

Billy nods absently as he starts stripping off his shirt. “Yeah, I can see why he’d say that with as thick as it’s coming down. Being the chief of police, I guess he’d get-“ He stops as he’s pulling down the sweatshirt over his head. He looks over at Steve, who seems to be trying too hard to ignore him. “Wait… he told you that _earlier_? As in before you fell or before you came to get me today?”

Steve seems engrossed in choosing what clothes to wear. “Um… both?”

Billy unfastens his jeans and pushes them down his legs, not caring what Steve sees. He shucks off his underwear, too, and pulls on the soft sweatpants. “So when he told my dad that I’d be back by dinner tomorrow…”

Steve looks at him and smiles. “Well, the plan was for you to stay with him, but… then I fell so you’re stuck with me instead. At least you’re not with your father.”

Billy can appreciate the sneakiness of Hopper’s plan. “I suppose I’ll live.” He bunches up his clothes and tosses them in Steve’s hamper, deciding right then that he’ll wash all the clothes tomorrow as an unspoken thank you for Steve’s part in the plan. “Hey… what did Max tell you earlier?”

Steve frowns. “Earlier when?”

“When you looked like you wanted to murder my dad.”

Steve shrugs one shoulder. “It’s… um, private.”

Billy grabs his pack of cigarettes and his lighter out of the back pocket of his jeans from the hamper, glad he remembered them. He doesn’t hear a protest so he lights the cigarette. “Private? You keeping secrets for my little sister, Harrington?”

“She, uh, she asked me not to tell you so… I want to respect that.” He straightens his shoulders then. “Look, you’re going to just have to deal with it. I don’t have to tell you everything. Maybe you should just trust me not to be a pervert. That kind of sucks that you think I would hurt Max.” 

Billy moves into Steve’s space and puts his cigarette out on Steve’s dresser top, not willing to hold it anymore when he’s so close to losing his temper. “Well maybe if you weren’t cozying up to her so damn much or hiding her out at someone’s house while telling me to my face that she wasn’t there, I wouldn’t fucking worry that you’re slipping it to her on the side!”

The punch comes quickly and Billy isn’t expecting it at all. He hits the bed and jumps up, shoving Steve hard. As the other boy stumbles, Billy swings and is almost comforted by the sound of skin against skin until his legs are kicked out from under him. As he lands hard on his ass, he sees Steve still on the floor. He’s about to go after him again, when he catches the pained expression on his face. Billy runs a shaky hand through his hair. “Shit, what am I doing?” He stands. “Fuck you, Harrington. I’m out of here.” He grabs his cigarettes and walks out of the room and jogs down the stairs. He pulls on his socks and shoes, frowning at the wetness. Pulling on his coat, he grabs his bags and heads out. Fuck Steve and fuck the nerds and their attempts to help. Billy knows that he doesn’t fit in with their group and that he and Steve were acting way too chummy. He knows it’s an act and has no intention of becoming someone he’s not. He’s not kind and gentle and he’s certainly not some pussy who gives a rat’s ass if Steve gets sick or not. 

He steps out onto the porch and swears. His car is completely covered in snow and he can’t even see the driveway anymore. He yells out in rage and glares at the sky as if he can intimidate it to stop dropping snow all over the damn place. He shivers slightly, but realizes that it’s more of a reaction to the snow since the sweats really are warm as fuck. He drops his bags and lights up another cigarette. He decides that he can sleep in his car if he has to, but he’s not going back in that house to deal with Harrington if he doesn’t have to. 

As if on cue, the door opens and Steve stares out at him. “What the fuck was that, Hargrove?”

Billy shrugs. “Wasn’t me who threw the first punch, Harrington.”

“You kind of did when you accused me of…. Doing that to Max.” He isn’t dressed for the weather and continues to stand inside with the door open. “That was low, even for you!”

Billy glances over at Steve when he hears the slight hitch in his voice. He blows smoke in Steve’s face. “You crying, Princess?”

Steve looks sharply at Billy then. “Fuck you. I’m not crying. I’m just not… I would never… I would _never_ hurt a kid like that.”

Billy nods. “Sure sure… you just seem the type. Hanging out with little kids, being their best friend.” He smiles cruelly. “Or maybe you’re into the little boys.” Billy can feel the cruelty oozing out of him and inside he’s screaming at himself to stop, but it’s like breathing to him. He has to be mean. He has to be cruel. It’s how he survives. And Steve has been pushing him to feel vulnerable and he just can’t face that. He can’t be real with anyone because he knows he’ll only be hurt and there’s no way that a pampered princess like Steve could ever understand that.

Steve shudders. “I’m not.”

"You sure? You help Dustin primp and I see how you look at the others, like they hung the fucking moon. Yeah… yeah, you like touching little boys. I knew you were a pervert.”

Steve shakes his head. “No, I couldn’t… why are you saying this shit? What the fuck is wrong with you?” He glares at Billy. “I’m not _like_ …. I’m just… I’m not like _them_!”

Billy frowns then. “Like who?”

Steve shivers again and hesitates too long for Billy’s liking. “Like the people who do those things. God… fuck you.” He walks away, but doesn’t close the door. It’s a silent invitation for Billy to come back in out of the cold. 

Billy shuts the door, though, not quite done with his smoke or his thoughts. He knows he’s seen that sort of strong reaction before, but he’s not quite putting together where. It’s like déjà vu. He’s certain he’s had this exact conversation before. He finishes his cigarette and then goes back in. He doesn’t see Steve in the living room so he checks the kitchen. Still not finding the other boy, he explores the rest of the house after taking off his coat and shoes and socks again. By the time he comes downstairs after checking out the upstairs and taking a leak, his curiosity over Steve’s whereabouts has blossomed into a panic. He frantically searches downstairs again, calling the boy’s name, cursing his stupid temper and his brain for allowing some guilt to creep in. He stops suddenly at the patio doors and squints to see through the snow. “Oh you’re fucking kidding me…” 

He opens the doors and peeks out at the shadow. He’d missed it earlier because Steve is sitting at the edge of the pool so he was lower to the ground and less noticeable. “Steve! Get your ass inside!” He stares at the figure, trying to will him in. He rolls his eyes when Steve doesn’t move. He stomps back in and pulls on his coat before shoving his bare feet into his wet shoes. He goes outside to talk to Steve and gasps in frustration when he sees that Steve never pulled on his coat or put on his shoes. He doesn’t wait for a protest and bodily forces Steve up. He drags him in, but doesn’t get much of a fight. Billy unceremoniously tosses Steve on the couch and then goes back to close the patio doors and lock them.

He races upstairs and grabs the sweats Steve had been pulling out of the drawers earlier before their fight and a towel from the bathroom. He starts to leave and then turns back and grabs the blanket at the foot of Steve’s bed. As soon as he gets downstairs, he kicks his shoes off again and drops the things from upstairs at the side of the couch before dropping his coat. He pulls Steve up into a sitting position and squats down in front of him. “You trying to kill yourself, Harrington?” He pulls the blanket up and wraps it around Steve’s shoulders before taking the towel and trying to rub his feet to get the blood flowing again. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? But fuck, I’m not worth you going out and being a moron and getting yourself frozen to death. You’re too fucking sensitive, you know that? You let other people tell you how to feel. That’s shit. You have to be yourself no matter what other people push you into.” He grimaces as he starts thinking that maybe he’s being a hypocrite. 

As Steve’s feet start to pink up, Billy thanks the weather gods or whoever he needs to that this much fluffy snow means slightly warmer temps than if it was straight up freezing cold. It’s not much, but it’s enough that he’s pretty sure Steve will be okay. He removes the blanket then and starts pulling at the shirt that is soaked through. Steve is fairly compliant, but the shivering is worrying. Billy starts rubbing at Steve’s arms and chest with the towel until Steve’s arms aren’t held so tight against his chest and start to drop to the sides. He turns him gently and starts on his back, but stops when Steve hisses in pain. Billy sees the start of the bruising from where Steve fell on the ice and decides to gently wipe the wetness from the snow, but let the sweatshirt do the warming up of the skin. He maneuvers Steve’s arms into the soft material and then pushes him to lie back. 

Billy contemplates how this is going to work for a minute and then gets an idea. He covers Steve from knees to waist with the towel from upstairs and then goes into the downstairs bathroom for another towel. He reaches up under the first towel and fumbles around until he gets Steve’s jeans undone before pulling them down. It takes some effort since the denim is practically sticking to Steve’s legs, but he finally peels them off. He reaches up and pulls at the underwear and looks up at Steve, who doesn’t seem to care what’s going on. Billy pulls them down and off and if his hands linger a little on the soft flesh at Steve’s hips, so what?

Billy starts to rub vigorously at Steve’s calves until they seem better and then pulls up the sweatpants, not willing to rub anything under the towel. He smirks to himself and figures that he wouldn’t without Steve’s permission anyway. Billy rolls his eyes and mentally smacks himself. Steve Harrington, the King of Hawkins, isn’t going to beg a man to do anything to him, no matter what Billy might imagine. _Or fantasize about_ , a small voice in his head nags. 

Billy sits up on the couch and looks over at Steve, finally seeing that the other boy is truly lost in a bit of a daze. He pulls Steve up and tosses the towels on the floor, along with the wet and cold clothing. He pulls Steve into him and lays the blanket over them both to keep their feet warm. He ends up with Steve’s head on his chest and his arm wrapped around the back of Steve’s shoulders. He notices the minute shivering and really has no clue what else to do at this point. If he didn’t know any better, he would think that Steve was traumatized by something, but then reminds himself that he knows nothing about concussions and maybe this is just some brain thing. 

They sit in silence for about half an hour and Billy considers dozing off since Steve’s eyes are still wide open. He assumes that sitting in a stupor is not the same as sleeping so there shouldn’t be any risk if he shuts his eyes for a few minutes. He looks around and sees a remote and smirks. _Fancy fancy_ He clicks on the large TV and finds something simple and gives enough background noise to keep Steve company. He leans back and closes his eyes, promising not to stay passed out for too long.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!! Please beware of the fact that this chapter describes a panic attack and references child abuse STRONGLY! While there are tags of this nature on the story I want you to understand that this chapter does dive into things in such a way that the imagination can take you into bad places if you've ever suffered any physical or sexual abuse. Please take care of yourself as you read this.

Dec. 1 (cont…)

Steve's POV

The first thing Steve notices is that the television is on. The second thing he notices is the sound of a heartbeat in one ear and the softness under his cheek. The feeling that he wants to sob hits him and he suddenly knows that he wasn’t napping. He was having one of his fucking episodes. He moves up slowly and sees Billy on his couch, wearing his sweats, and his head tipped back, a serene look on his face as he sleeps. 

Steve gets up and practically runs for the stairs. He goes up quickly and gets into his bathroom before he sinks to the floor, his back against the door. He tries to catch his breath, but knows it’s too late. His hyperventilation becomes deep wracking sobs and he wraps his arms around himself. _Please stop. Please please please…_ He hates coming out of these things because he can’t control his emotions. His parents taught him early on that he is being dramatic and blowing things out of proportion. The absolute humiliation that his father told him he experiences when seeing Steve “acting like a baby” is enough to make Steve run and hide every time things become too much. He tries to think back on what brought him to this point. 

He remembers falling on the ice and looking up to see that woman right over him. Feeling the pain in his body at the same time had brought up memories that he can’t handle on the best of days. Today is no different as he is already on edge having Billy around. He half wants to work not to fuck things up with him and half wants to run so he can escape a possible beating again. But he was calmer on the ride home. He even managed to fall asleep. But then again, he came to with someone over him, practically smothering him with his coat. Granted, that was Billy and it wasn’t actually a threat, but Steve remembers feeling as if he was going to die in that moment. He had shoved Billy hard and tried to escape only to land in the snow. 

Steve presses his hands to his mouth as an agonized moan escapes him, followed by another sob. He turns so his side is against the door and reaches up to hold onto the doorknob as if he’s attempting to hold himself to reality and out of the abyss that’s sucking him in. Again, he tries to think about what happened so that his thoughts stay more in the present than in the distant past. 

He remembers being in his bedroom and Billy being an asshole. He had accused him of abusing Max and the boys and it was too much. It’s too much now and he starts to shake. Then he begins to wonder if Billy sees something in him that he’s not noticing. Maybe he _is_ a pervert. Maybe he’s good with the kids because there’s something _wrong_ with him. Maybe he wants to _hurt_ them. His breathing picks up again and he knows he’s in dangerous territory. But the thoughts come unbidden now. Maybe he should leave before he turns into a monster. The kids trust him. They’d probably _let_ him hurt them if he asked. His father's voice rings in his ears. _"Steven! How in the hell could you let someone do that to you? No son of mine should allow that! What the hell is wrong in your head, boy? I didn't raise you to ennoy that sort of thing!"_ Steve lets go of the doorknob and presses his hands to his ears, trying not to hear it again. “No no no no….” 

He tries to get his breathing back in check and then whimpers in frustration as the memories he kept at bay scream into the forefront of his mind. He grips his hair in both hands and turns again, ending up curled up on his elbows and knees in the middle of the floor. He doesn’t bother to stop the sobs now. A few times, a soft keening sound breaks through when the pain becomes almost too much to bear. Almost, but not quite. His father had told him multiple times to stop crying because memories won’t kill him. Bad thoughts won’t kill him. What happened… what happened won’t kill him. _Didn’t_ kill him. His thoughts go to Billy, to a kid who was hit by his own father in anger. Steve sits up and takes a deep breath. Billy is hurting. Billy needs help. Another breath and Steve stands up. He knows that he’s overreacting. He’s been told that he's a drama queen so many times that he can start to believe it sometimes. 

He looks in the mirror and frowns at his face. He turns on the faucet and cups his hands. He splashes some water on his face and grabs the towel to try and rub out the red splotches on his skin. He looks again and sighs. There’s no help for his red-rimmed eyes at the moment and he figures he will just stay in his room for awhile until it’s safe. 

He walks out and freezes in his tracks. “Shit…”

*******  
BILLY'S POV

Billy wakes up to the TV still on, but Steve nowhere to be found. He thinks he hears something, but only manages to stand and stretch before hearing a door slam from upstairs. He shrugs and goes upstairs to make sure Steve isn’t puking his guts out or something equally as gross. 

He lights a cigarette as he opens the door and stops, the cigarette dangling useless from his mouth. Steve isn’t there. He’s in the bathroom and all Billy can hear are the most heart wrenching sobs. He walks over to the door and places his hand against it, not sure what to do and really not sure why he cares. He recognizes that he could tell everyone at school about this and basically run Harrington out of town, but something stops him from considering that even as a joke. 

As the sobs are broken by a moan, Billy steps away from the door, stunned. He starts to go for the doorknob, but is stopped when the knob rattles a bit as if Steve is holding it from the other side. He takes a drag of his cigarette and listens, still unsure what he is supposed to do about any of this. He remembers how he felt when his mother died, how Neil had told him to man up and get over it because no amount of crying was going to bring her back. 

He looks up at the door again, actually pitying Steve for feeling that way at all. Again, Billy pauses and tries to remember the reaction from earlier and what had seemed familiar about it. His thoughts are interrupted as there is another shake of the doorknob, followed by Steve muttering “no” over and over again and then more sobbing. The most broken sound or two has Billy backing up more from the door and feeling the need to cry himself. Whatever is happening in that bathroom is something that Billy knows instinctively he put into motion. He’s not sure how, but he knows that feeling of falling apart and of- 

His thoughts nearly collide with each other as he remembers the one other time he felt that way. It was after his mother had died and Neil and Susan had gotten married. Max had fallen off her stupid skateboard and Susan’s friend had cornered Billy and asked him how he could ever hurt his little stepsister. She’d asked him what type of a monster he was to raise his hand to Max. Billy immediately freaked, considering that would have made him like his own father. He had to come to terms with the fact that was a sore subject with him that would immediately trigger him to explode. 

He puts out his cigarette and thinks about his anger, how it had masked his pain that day. But Steve doesn’t get angry, not really. He doesn’t have the explosive anger that is Billy’s default setting. Maybe that was why he was so out of it earlier. Steve’s feelings are too intense for explosive anger. They hurt and tangle Steve up in memories. Steve feels things that Billy struggles to tap into usually. But right now, Billy has to admit, he’s feeling something and it’s pretty raw. It’s a protectiveness that he never realized he was capable of. It’s that connection finally snapping into place. When Billy is accused of being the same as his own monster, he loses it. Steve has lost it. Steve was accused of being the same as his monster. And Billy is the one who did it. 

Billy feels the bile rise in his throat and he quickly swallows it down. He had accused Steve of… of touching little kids. He’d actually accused him of fucking Max… of touching little boys. That was when Steve had gone outside and nearly froze. Billy claps a hand over his mouth, having never really thought anything like that could actually exist in his own world and now he was in the house of a guy who had actually been.... No, there’s no way that something like that would happen in this boring fucking town and people didn’t know. Hell, even Hopper suspected Neil of being an asshole. How had nobody warned him about Steve’s past? He wouldn’t have been such an-

No, Billy can’t honestly say he wouldn’t have been an asshole, but maybe he would have focused on someone else. He wouldn’t have made comments so that Steve felt threatened in the shower and he sure as shit wouldn’t have dealt the low blows from earlier in the day. He wishes that he could go back in time somehow, but shakes his head. There is really no point in thinking that way. It doesn’t solve the problem at hand. 

He misses the sound of the faucet turning on and off. He’s too lost in his thoughts of how he’s going to fix this, of how he’s going to redeem himself without prying into Steve’s past. He figures if something like that happened to him, he’s already dealt with enough violations. He kicks himself as he realizes something else. Steve had lost it when people had been over him or on top of him when he woke up. Billy glances over at Steve’s bed and he becomes very aware that he could be standing inside the scene of a crime. He shakes his head again. No, there’s no way in hell that Steve would still be in the same room or maybe even the same house. If something like that happened to a kid of his, he’d burn the fucking house down and build another one that had no reminders. 

He looks up as Steve opens the door and stares at Billy. It isn’t until Steve swears, that Billy snaps out of it. 

******

“Steve…” Billy steps forward, acutely aware that he deserves to be punched in the face for causing this turn of events. 

Steve wraps his arms around himself. “What the fuck are you doing in my room? I thought you were asleep.”

“I was, but I wanted to check on you. That head injury… it… I mean does it hurt?”

Steve shrugs a shoulder. “I’m not really bothered by it one way or another.”

Billy and Steve stare at each other for what seems like forever, at least for Billy as he works out what he needs in that moment. He’s pretty certain that Steve won’t allow himself to be comforted or will even talk to Billy about what’s going on. But Billy knows that Steve will give Billy whatever he needs. He’s said as much by his actions. He let him kiss him without decking him last night. He took him skating to get him out of the house. He asked him to stay at the house to avoid the weather. He even attempted to get Billy to come back inside after he insulted the fuck out of him. 

Billy straightens his spine to pull himself up a bit. Yes, Steve would give him anything he wants right now and he’s going to take full advantage. 

“Um… I’m going to do something. Don’t freak, okay? I… uh… I need this.”

Steve looks wary and Billy is again reminded of a frightened animal. “I don’t know…”

“I promise it’s not bad. I promise.” He walks slowly over to Steve and puts his arms out in front of him slowly, gripping Steve's upper arms softly and then pulling Steve to him. He wraps his arms around Steve's shoulders, squeezing his still folded arms between their chests and rests his chin on Steve’s shoulder. He knows that Steve will think that Billy's taking comfort instead of giving it, but he doesn’t really care. He lets out a quiet breath as he feels Steve move his arms to return the hug. Billy wonders if Steve thinks that he’s holding Billy up instead of the other way around. Billy holds on for dear life, his thoughts swirling around the idea that he can keep all of the shit that has already happened to the boy at bay with his presence. Granted, he has no proof, but he decides that he’s going to watch what he does as if he does know what happened. He has an urge to find out who it was and how far they went. His grip tightens and the slight tension that enters Steve’s muscles makes Billy realize that he’s holding him too tight as his rage starts to build. He takes a breath and loosens his hold and then lets go and backs up. 

Steve looks him up and down. “Are you alright?”

Billy wants to cry. Of course Steve would worry about him right now after he’d just sent the other boy into a total panic attack about past things that had no business being in any kid’s past, let alone King Steve’s. 

Billy nods. “Yeah, I guess I just woke up and was alone and I got worried.” He doesn’t let on that he heard anything of Steve’s breakdown, not sure how well that would go over. Being vulnerable feels like shit in the best of circumstances and Steve’s was anything but. “When I saw you I was so relieved. I came in just as you were coming out of there so… it worked out well.”

“I wouldn’t have left you alone. I was coming back down. You were asleep. I didn’t want to bug you.” His voice is slightly scratchy and he hopes Billy won’t say anything about it since the other boy is dealing with a lot right now and he isn’t sure that confiding in him would be good for either of them. Steve is determined to help Billy deal with his father’s shit so that he and Max never have to be afraid to be in their own home again. 

“Look, I was a dick earlier. I’m sorry, okay? I should have never said anything bad about you. You’re really a great guy. My sister says so and she’s a pretty good judge of character. I mean… she hates me, so…” He smirks. 

Steve smiles at that and Billy practically purrs in pleasure that Steve doesn’t look nearly as haunted anymore. 

“She doesn’t hate you, man. She’s just… a teenage girl. They dislike lots of people one day and adore them the next. Plus, you’re her brother so her feelings about you could change minute to minute.”

“I should probably check on her. Can we call Hopper?”

“Yeah, we should have checked in awhile ago, I guess. Sorry. I should have done that when we first got here instead of forcing you to change and all.”

“No, that was smart of you. I would have frozen otherwise. I wish I had your common sense.”

Steve stared at Billy as if he’d grown a second head. Not only was someone saying he was smart, but it was Billy Hargrove? He heads to the door and then stops and looks down at himself, realizing that he doesn’t remember changing. He chooses not to know right now and motions for Billy to follow him. “Come on, I was going to go through the kitchen tonight anyway. We can call Hop and then figure out food. Groceries were delivered yesterday so we should be good.” 

Billy dutifully follows Steve and sits with him while he pulls the radio out. It doesn’t take long to touch base with Hopper and Billy deals with all of Max’s questions about how he’s treating Steve while Steve reassures her that Billy is being truthful. Hopper confirms that the weather system is a bad one and he doesn’t anticipate being able to leave the cabin for at least a few days after it ends and it doesn’t look to be ending for at least two to three days. 

Steve frowns. “Hop, you have enough food for everyone? I should check on the others, too. I have enough that I can probably start getting some things to people who really need it.”

“Boy, what didn’t you hear? I’m not even sure I can get out on the roads. There’s no way you are going to get that car of yours out.”

“I have some cross country skis. I can put some stuff in my backpack. It’ll be fine. I can probably save time by crossing yards and roads and stuff.”

“Steve, goddammit, you stay put! I don’t have the time or energy to go out looking for you.”

“I’m not just going to let people starve.”

Billy takes the radio then. “I’ll keep him inside, Chief. You just keep my sister fat and happy.”

Hopper’s voice comes through as Max starts yelling about how she’s not fat. “Oh thank you so much for starting her going.” He laughs. “Honestly, though, please stay inside. And watch that damn fireplace. The snow might get in there and you don’t need to be smoking yourselves out.”

Steve takes the radio back. “Yes, sir. I’ll make sure we’re safe. I’ll call you if we need anything.” He puts the radio up and looks skyward as if he’s innocent. 

“Steve, you’re not going out.”

“I didn’t say I was, but he never said I couldn’t at least find out if they’re okay.”

“Later. You promised me food and it's almost 10.”

Steve nods. “True.” He goes into the kitchen and rummages through the refrigerator. “We should probably plan out meals for the next few days. How do you feel about Mexican Chicken?”

“I don’t know. What’s in it?”

“It’s super fucking easy. You take like… a can of cream of chicken and spread it on the bottom of a pan and then a fourth cup of milk over that. Then you put two cups of shredded chicken on that and then crush up like… seven or eight ounces of Nacho Doritos.”

“Is there any other kind?”

“No, but I like saying ‘nacho.’” He smiles. “Anyway, you spread out another can of cream of chicken over that and then dump like two cups of shredded cheddar cheese on top. Then you bake it for half an hour at like… 350 and boom. Mexican chicken. You can leave it in like five or 10 minutes longer to get the cheese crispier so if we forget it at the 30-minute mark, it shouldn’t burn.”

Billy is still stuck on the comment from earlier. “You like saying nacho?”

“Yeah, it’s kind of fun.”

Billy laughs. “Okay, princess. It sounds really good. Maybe I can do that while you jump in the shower? We both could use one after today and all the… drama.” As soon as Billy says it, he wants to take it back. He sees Steve pale and Billy instinctively knows once again that he said something wrong. “I mean… it’s not drama. You… you’re helping me to realize that I’m allowed to have my feelings even if they’re messy and that means a lot to me.” Billy holds his breath, hating that he allowed himself to be vulnerable, but willing to do it if that helps erase that look on Steve’s face. 

It works as Steve smiles softly. “Yeah… yeah, you are. What happened to you was really bad.”

Billy doesn’t miss the way Steve barely accents the “you” and really wants to fuck up whoever put in Steve’s head that he’s not important. “So do you want to take a shower?”

“Nah, you go first. I can make everything and then you can just watch it and take it out if needed.” 

Billy agrees and goes to take the quickest shower imaginable. He still isn’t clear on what Steve’s state of mind is and doesn’t want to leave him alone for long. He towels off and pulls the sweats back on before racing downstairs just in time to see Steve putting the dish in the oven. 

“Wow… did you even undress first?” Steve laughs. “I’ll be done in less than 30 minutes so why don’t you go sit and watch some TV and I’ll take care of dinner.”

“Sure. Yeah.” Billy watches him leave and reaches for his pack of smokes. He frowns when he sees there’s only one left and goes to the door to pull on the wet shoes and coat again. He races outside and swears as the snow is now high enough to fall right into his shoes and freeze his feet. He pulls the carton of cigarettes that he’d bought last night from under the passenger seat and trudges back up to the house. He again removes the coat and sopping wet shoes and goes into the living room again. After a much needed smoke, he watches Steve come down the stairs and go back into the kitchen before joining Billy. 

“So can I have one?”

“Princess Steve smokes?”

Steve shrugs. “Sometimes.”

Billy nods and pulls out his new pack. “Sure. You’re cool enough to let me crash here so I think a cigarette is in order.” He leans back and tries to watch TV, but his eyes keep getting drawn to how Steve pulls a drag on the cigarette, how his lips purse and the look of pleasure on his face as he inhales. Billy realizes that he’s getting hard and adjusts his sitting position so Steve can’t see. Billy decides to start a conversation to distract himself and turns toward Steve just as the other boy licks his lips. Billy turns away and tries to subtly palm the throbbing between his legs in order to calm it down. Fortunately Steve gets up at that moment to check the chicken and Billy is able to get himself under control. At Steve’s way too perky “Dinner’s ready,” Billy goes to the kitchen. 

Billy can’t say exactly how he feels about Mexican chicken, but he knows it’s one of the best things he’s ever had. He decides to ask Steve for the recipe again at some point so he can use it to wow Max when the two of them are left to their own devices for dinner. He usually just throws some leftovers at her, but it might be nice to actually cook as long as his father isn’t there to shit all over it. 

Steve is glad to find out Billy likes the food and tries to make small talk during dinner. It doesn’t go very well as Billy appears to be preoccupied. Steve can’t blame him. Everything going on with Billy’s father is pretty wild and Steve knows that he would be overwhelmed if his father hit him like Neil hits Billy. He’s only been hit by his father a few times and Steve still believes he deserved it. Saying bad things about people that can hurt them is a mistake he will never make again. It’s why he won’t tell anyone what Max said to him in confidence or tell anyone about Billy’s mom being a skater or him needing a hug. Keeping his mouth shut is a favor to everyone and he’s had that lesson ingrained into him for better or for worse. 

Billy breaks the silence that Steve didn't know was lenghtening to become almost awkward. “I can do the dishes, Steve.”

“You’re a guest. I’ll do them.”

Billy frowns. “I have to do something. This dinner was awesome.”

Steve smiles. “I’m really glad you liked it. Tell you what, I’ll let you do the dishes since I have been wanting to organize the refrigerator and pantry.”

Billy laughs. “Wow.. well then go to it, big man.” He starts putting the dishes in the sink and half watches Steve work. He thinks it’s kind of cute how Steve looks so serious when it comes to checking if food is good enough to keep or not. Eventually they both finish with their tasks and Billy brings up a movie watching session. 

Steve considers it. “I have a few things you might like. Tell you what, you choose and I’ll make hot chocolate for dessert.”

“With marshmallows?”

Steve grins. “How old are you? Five?”

Billy pouts and Steve rolls his eyes. “Sure. With marshmallows. Now go pick a movie.”

By the time Steve comes in with the hot chocolate, he has picked a movie that looks creepy as shit. “Gremlins?”

Steve smiles. “I just got that. It’s a Christmas movie.”

“For real?” He looks it over again. “If you say so.” 

Billy helps Steve with the hot chocolate and curls up on the couch. He watches Steve move to set up the movie and allows himself some time to really check out the other boy’s body. Even if he knows that Steve isn’t interested, he has to admit that he wouldn’t mind fantasizing a bit more later on. He reaches over and pulls the blanket over him and lifts up a corner. “You want to sit under it with me? You’ll probably be warmer.”

Steve glances over and frowns, but quickly nods. “Sure. I guess.” He reaches over to turn off the light and start the movie. He sits down next to Billy with his feet flat on the floor and focuses on the movie. He doesn’t even reach for his hot chocolate. 

Billy doesn’t notice at first, but then starts to realize how rigid Steve is sitting, as if he’s waiting for something. The thought hits him like a truck and Billy stands up with the shock of it. He looks down at Steve, who is startled. “Uh…” Billy thinks as fast as he can to talk around the fact that he’s acting like a spaz. “Um… can we leave the lights on? The movie looks kind of scary.”

Steve pauses the movie and looks confused, but then nods. “Yeah, yeah we can leave the lights on if you want.”

“And uh… another blanket maybe? I’m kind of a blanket hog so how about if I have mine and you have yours and _popcorn!,_ ” 

Steve jumps a little at Billy’s way too enthusiastic cry. “Popcorn?”

“Yeah, we can make a big bowl and put it on the couch between us so.. you know so we can share.”

Steve nods slowly. “Sure… popcorn. Okay, if that’s what you want…”

“I do! I really really do!”

Steve definitely looks confused as hell and a little amused, but Billy doesn’t care as long as his plan works. He helps Steve and grabs some sodas from the fridge for when they run out of hot chocolate, which is going to be in about a minute by the looks of Billy’s cup. He follows Steve’s directions for where to find another blanket and places it over on Steve’s side of the couch, making sure to leave the whole middle cushion open for their popcorn. He goes to the kitchen and Steve nearly gags at the amount of butter that Billy puts into a pan to melt. He drenches the popcorn and sprinkles on some salt and then goes into the living room. He smiles at Steve. “Alright, pretty boy. Let’s watch this thing.” He sits down and happily munches on popcorn. His grin widens when Steve seems to be into the movie and curled up comfortably. 

The movie is pretty damn good, if Billy does say so, and he does. But what makes it perfect is that Steve is relaxed and happy and showing no signs of struggle from hitting his head earlier. Billy takes that to mean they can sleep. He manages to finish the movie before thinking of why Steve was sitting up so straight earlier. Billy’s not even sure why he had the idea that Steve was scared of sitting in the dark with Billy, but he is grateful that he found a way to put Steve at ease. He watches Steve turn off the VCR and TV and suggests they leave the light on for now. 

Steve agrees and moves the popcorn, settling on his side of the couch. If either boy minds that their legs gently tangle on the middle cushion throughout the night, they don’t say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and have included a small treat! The recipe for Mexican chicken is real and my family LOVES it. Hopefully you will, too. If you have questions, just put it in the comments and I will answer as quick as I can. Seriously, though if I can cook it anyone can. LOL. 
> 
> I have a feeling that I have close to six chapters left in this. I'm not sure. Some will be shorter than others. I'd like to think I have some good material but I'm pretty strict with myself when I re-read things before I post. I am probably not typing up anymore of this tonight, but I will start again tomorrow after work and my husband is home this weekend so I might get some breaks from the kids! Woot! I will keep writing until this is finished. Thanks for sticking with it. I really only wrote this for me and it warms my heart to see others getting joy from it, also.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have another day together and things start out well, but get very violent when communication breaks down. Once things calm down, they navigate a little more of their relationship as they try to work out who they are and what they mean to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please mind the tags for this one! There are some non-con elements during the fight and things get very physically violent. Billy makes a sexual threat, but does NOT carry through with it. Steve does attempt to follow directions, though. If intimidation or violence upsets you, please take care of yourself before reading.

Dec. 2

Billy wakes up to the smell of bacon and his mouth is watering before he even opens his eyes. “Mmmm, please dear God if this is a dream, don’t let me wake up.”

Steve looks in and smiles. “It’s not a dream, Hargrove. I told you I’d keep you fed.”

Billy opens his eyes and stretches, pleased that he was able to sleep so well on the couch. He sits up and yawns before heading into the bathroom. He looks in the mirror and smiles at the reflection. He’s not sure when he last had a good night’s sleep with no nightmare and no dread about waking up and facing the day. He takes care of his morning routine for the most part and figures he’ll have to save brushing his teeth until after breakfast. He rummages around and finds some mouthwash and gives himself a quick rinse before heading out to eat. 

Steve smiles at the other boy when he sees him. “Sleep well?”

Billy nods. “Yeah, surprisingly, after that creepy as fuck movie you had me watch. Christmas movie, my ass.” 

Steve laughs. “It absolutely _is_ a Christmas movie.” 

“Just because a movie happens during the Christmas holiday does _not_ make it a Christmas movie.” He snatches a piece of bacon from the plate where Steve is piling it, barely missing getting a soft smack from the spatula that Steve is using to turn over some beautiful omelets. “Hey..”

“Keep your pants on, Hargrove. Breakfast is almost ready.” 

Billy sits down and finally looks out the window. “Holy hell! Is that for real?”

Steve looks over briefly before focusing on the food again. “Yeah, it hasn’t stopped. It slows down some, but then it goes again. The weather is not looking good at all. I’m going to call the kids today and make sure they’re okay and then go out and start dealing with the snow.”

“ _Dealing_ with it?”

“Yeah, mom and dad have some things that they expect me to do so I’ll take care of it while you clean up today. Neither of us are going out driving so we’re limited. There’s no way they’ll have this taken care of in time for school tomorrow so I guess we get to spend more time together.”

Billy wonders how Steve feels about that considering how awful yesterday evening had gone at first. He decides to approach the subject carefully. “Hey… I’m really sorry that I said that messed up shit to you yesterday, Steve. I just need you to know that I… I mean when I feel threatened or like people are keeping things from me, I lash out. It’s not an excuse. I just wanted you to know that it wasn’t anything you did. I’m an asshole and you got caught in my headcase bullshit so don’t listen to me when I get like that, alright?”

He shrugs. “It’s fine. I’m already over it. I get why you think that anyway. I promise I’m not hiding things from you, though. Max told me something and I’m not the type of person that spreads everyone else’s business around. If she is cool with me telling you, I will, but you two are siblings. I think it’s better if she starts learning to confide in you instead of me. But she won’t tell either of us anything if I betray her trust to you.”

“You seem to know a lot about trust. 

“Not really. I just know Max.” He glances up. “She’s a nice kid. Tough and she acts like she has all her shit together, but I can’t imagine she wouldn’t really like a big brother. I think that’s why I get along with her so well.”

Billy stares at Steve for an undetermined amount of time, but then he can see the telltale signs of an impending panic attack and realizes what he’s doing. “Well, uh… I don’t know how to be a big brother to her. I was all alone for years and then she was there all of a sudden. It’s only been like a year. She’s a stranger to me.”

“Maybe you should get to know her. She won’t make it easy.” He smiles, the anxiety bleeding away. “No offense, but she can be a real bitch when she chooses to be.”

Billy laughs. “Yeah, I figured that out when she threatened to kill me and nearly took off my nuts and that was _after_ she drugged me.”

“I don’t think she would have followed through. Not ultimately.”

Billy nods and lets the subject drop because he’s not so sure he believes that. He looks outside again. “What are the plans after breakfast and my shower?”

“I am hoping to get snow stuff done soon so maybe you can take care of the dishes? You don’t have to, but it would be awesome. I really want to write in my journal if you’re cool with just watching TV while I do it. And then I have to go through everything in the attic and in my closet. I want to get things ready for the donation drive at the shelter.”

“Seriously, Harrington, who _are_ you?”

Steve puts the food on the plates and brings them over. He gets some coffee and pours some for Billy and then comes to sit by the other boy. “I’m not always so bad. I don’t tell most people about the things that I do to occupy myself. Most people wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

Both boys dig into their breakfasts and Billy is pretty surprised at just how good the food is. “Steve, you should cook for a living.”

Steve smirks. “Nah, nobody would hire me. I’m too much of a dick.”

“Seriously, who tells you this shit?”

“What do you mean?” Steve truly looks confused. 

“I mean who told you that you’re a dick?”

Steve smiles. “You.”

Billy rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but who taught you to believe it?”

Steve’s smile fades and he pushes his food around on his plate. “I can’t believe how much snow has fallen. If I’m going to get things finished, I need to get started now.” He gets up, avoiding looking at Billy. “Go ahead and make yourself at home. I’ll probably be ready to take my own shower after you’re finished.” 

Steve walks upstairs and out of sight, leaving Billy alone in the kitchen. He hasn’t missed how Steve changed the subject and that causes Billy to push his own food around before taking another bite. He really means it when he says that Steve should consider cooking for a living. Billy doesn’t know when he has tasted something so good and so flavorful. He is curious about what works need done regarding the snow, but also knows that he has no clue how to even walk in snow, let alone work in it. 

He finishes up his food and looks up as Steve comes back down in another pair of sweats. His body looks a little distorted, as if he’s wearing a couple of layers. Billy thinks that’s pretty smart, more evidence that Steve has some really good common sense. “Can I help?”

Steve shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. I’ve got this.” He starts to turn on faucets so they drip and open cabinets to expose the pipes to the slightly warmer air of the house. 

Billy decides that Steve definitely knows what he’s doing and heads upstairs to shower. He lets the hot water run down him for a little bit before he starts to work on his hair and body. As the soap runs down his body, he begins to allow his mind to wander. He reaches down and starts using his hand to pleasure himself. As his thoughts go to Steve, he gasps and drops his hand. It almost feels like a violation to think of someone who wouldn’t want to touch him sexually at all. He knows that Steve is straight and he knows that he may have messed with the other boy’s head by kissing him that night. It’s not fair to expect more and Billy thinks of everything non-sexual that he can to make his arousal go away as there isn’t much else he can think of _but_ Steve when he starts to touch himself.  
He gets out of the shower and towels off before looking through his bag to wear some of his own clothes. He has a t-shirt and some jeans considering he had only planned to be away from home for a day. He knows he won’t be able to fit into Steve’s jeans so he says a silent wish that Steve has a lot more sweatpants. Then again, it’s possible the snow will clear up or Hopper will come to get him. Maybe even his father will find a way to get him. He shivers at the thought and then shakes himself to get away from the idea of his father. He briefly wonders if he and Steve can get through the day without another fight. He’s not sure how to handle the tension between them. He knows that Steve has every right to be wary of him, but Steve doesn’t really pose a threat to Billy so the tension is probably purely sexual. He sighs and decides to worry about it later. 

As he runs his fingers through his hair, he hears a thump from above him. He looks up, wondering what the hell is making the noise. More thumps stir his curiosity and he starts downstairs and calls for Steve. When he doesn’t get an answer, he figures that Harrington is out shoveling. He huffs out a breath and realizes that it would be the polite thing to offer his help. Honestly, though, he doesn’t want to go outside in his jeans. He only has this one outfit and that includes underwear. He knows he’ll end up with wet clothes and that’s not really very attractive to him. He looks around for hot chocolate to make for Steve when he gets back in and then, when he finds it, goes to check on Steve’s progress so he knows when to start it. He looks out the window and frowns when he doesn’t see Harrington at all.  
He internally bitches the entire time he’s digging through the closets to find boots to wear outside. He smiles when he finds some, but grimaces when he realizes they’re loose enough to annoy him. He sighs dramatically because he feels he has the right, and then heads outside with a coat on from the closet, also. He walks around the house and still doesn’t see Steve. As he gets to the front of the house again, he stands near the shovel that he had found buried in a drift. He moves some of the snow around with his foot because it will be just his luck that Steve passed out and got himself buried in the snow. He looks up at the light snow that is still falling tickles his face. He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath, just in time to get a face full of snow. He spits and coughs and glances around to try to catch whoever just hit him with a snowball. He frowns as he sees nobody nearby, but then he gets hit again from above. 

He walks away from the house and looks up to the roof, remembering the thuds he heard earlier. He gasps as he sees Steve carefully moving around, checking the roof carefully. Billy has no clue what Steve is doing up on the roof, but he’s certain it’s not safe. He looks at the ladder near the front door and briefly considers climbing up to yell at Steve, but decides that is probably not the brightest idea. He takes a deep breath and yells. “Steve Harrington! Get your ass off that roof right fucking now!”

Steve listens a little too well as he spins, startled at the sound, and loses his footing. He tries to grab on to something, but everything on the roof is a little slick and he flails and slides down the roof and off. 

Billy yells in fear and rushes forward to try to catch Steve. There is a part of him that knows that this is a bad idea, but his instinct has kicked in. As Steve slams into him, there is a sharp pain in his shoulder and he lands hard on the ground. Or, as hard as he can in the deep snow. So much for keeping my clothes dry, he thinks immediately. He hears Steve swear and then feels him scramble to get off of him. Billy lies there for a bit, lost in the feeling of pain and this very odd sense of amusement at the fact that Steve Harrington fell off his roof and Billy literally broke his fall. He thinks for a second about how he might have been spared the indignity of lying in a foot of snow with Harrington on top of him if he’d have just planted his damn feet. The thought forces a dry chuckle from his throat and he glances over to see Steve staring at him as if he’s grown a second head. “What? It was funny…”

“Funny? What are you talking about? Me falling off the roof and onto you is _not_ funny!” Steve runs his fingers through his wet droopy hair. “What the hell were you thinking, Hargrove?” He looks around as if he’s wondering if someone has seen them. He’s not sure if he’s embarrassed or scared, but he does know that his hands are still shaking. Falling off the roof kind of upended things for a few minutes, but his fear of what he may have done to Billy on impact worries him more. “You know, I’m scared that I’ve murdered you and you’re lying in the fucking snow fucking laughing!”

Billy starts to honestly laugh now because it is getting under Steve’s skin and because the pain he felt earlier is fading off into a weird sort of numbness. “Yeah, well… I’m unpredictable.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘inappropriate.’” He reaches down to help Billy up and grips the other boy’s elbow. As he pulls, Billy howls in pain. Steve lets go and backs up quickly. “Oh shit! Oh shit! Did you land on something? Are you like… impaled or something?”

Billy hisses in pain and then looks at Steve in disbelief. “Impaled? Really?”

Steve throws his hands up into the air. “I don’t know!” He looks down at him. “I’ll call an ambulance.”

“No, Harrington! Jesus… Just give me a minute.” He has a feeling he knows what’s going on and he’s not certain that Steve is going to have the stomach to help him out with it, but he’s the only option at the moment. He slowly gets up, putting all of his weight on his good arm. He notes that his back is probably not smarting as much thanks to the powdery fluff. Part of Billy has to wonder how his first snow became so dangerous and life saving all at once. He looks at Steve once he’s on his feet and frowns at the look of utter devastation on his face. “Steve?” He moves closer. “Harrington?”

Steve’s eyes snap to his and he backs up. “Shit shit shit… okay, I can take you to the hospital. I really can. I can’t believe that I did this to you.”

“Whoa… I mean yeah, you fell on top of me, but I don’t really think that you had a choice.” He holds his arm as still as possible and takes a deep breath, thankful again that the breathing doesn’t cause any sharp pains in his chest or back. “I don’t need a hospital, but I am starting to wonder if you do. Concussions and falling off a roof probably don’t mix well.” He tries to lighten the mood, but Steve is having none of it and is already rushing in to the house to grab his car keys. Billy rolls his eyes and tromps in after him. “Steve!” 

Again, he startles the brunette and this time Steve spins and slips on the snow and water covered tiles. He slams down on the floor and Billy rushes forward. “God dammit!” He has to admit that he’s thinking they’re being secretly filmed for some sort of comedy show. He tries to help Steve up, but Steve is already scrambling and pulling himself up by the counter nearby. 

Billy takes control and snatches the keys out of Steve’s hand and throws them into the living room, out of sight past the couch. “Enough! Now I need your help and you’re not really the person I’d choose for this since you apparently can’t handle a crisis to save your life, but snap out of it, Harrington!” 

Steve’s eyes shift quickly from concern to surprise to hurt and shame and then to anger. “Fuck you, Hargrove! You have no idea what I can handle. You know what? Why don’t you drive your own sorry ass to the hospital…” He starts to walk away and slips again, but catches himself this time. He growls and sits down, pulling his boots off and throwing them at the wall by the front door. 

Billy watches Steve have his tantrum or whatever the hell it is and is grateful, even if a little guilty, that his tactic got Steve to calm the hell down so they could get something accomplished. He watches as the other boot goes flying and then his coat and gloves. When Steve is sitting there, panting, apparently still very angry, Billy chances a question. “Can you help me put my shoulder back in place?”

Steve looks up, the anger still very clearly present. “Okay Dr. Hargrove, just how the hell do you think I’m going to do that and who told you that it was an out of place shoulder? You get your medical degree while I was outside?”

Billy takes a calming breath to distance himself from the truth of his next statement. “It’s not the first time this has happened and I don’t have the option of going to the doctor so I had to learn to fix it myself.” The echo of his father screaming at him that he wasn’t going to waste good money on someone who didn’t know how to show respect anyway was starting to get to him and he can no longer allow himself to go there in his head. He starts looking around to find something to distract himself from the fear that still lies just beneath the surface even if he’s in a safe place. 

Steve holds his breath for a moment after the admission. He knows that Billy’s father is abusive and he even knows how much for the most part, but he’s not sure how to compartmentalize the rage he’s feeling at the man while he’s supposed to be helping Billy. He stands, not caring that his socks are getting soaked. “Okay, tell me what to do.” His hands are balled into fists, the only indicator that he’s barely holding his rage in. “Then we’re going outside and we’re going to smoke… a lot.”

Billy arches an eyebrow and nods. “Sure, yeah.” He has Steve help him off with his coat, which is an adventure as Steve practically bolts every time Billy reacts to the pain. He eventually walks into the living room and goes over to the chaise in the corner. He lies on it backward so his head is on the flat part. He looks over at Steve. “I just need you to support my arm while I do what I need to do, alright?”

Steve nods and tries to see what is going on with Billy’s shoulder, but it’s difficult to look at as something seems just off enough that Steve thinks that what is under the shirt might make him gag. “Yeah, I can do it.” He supports Billy as he lifts his arm up away from his side and then brings his hand to his other shoulder. The noise and the snapping sounds end quickly and Billy seems to take another deep breath, this time in relief. Steve reaches out to smooth the line of concentration from Billy’s forehead, but stops himself, jerking his hand back quickly. “You okay?”

Billy nods. “Yeah, it’s fine. Give me a second.” He takes a few more deep breaths, trying to forget how Steve reached for him and then pulled away, probably in disgust, and then sits up. “Told you it would be okay.” He looks Steve up and down, pulling on the bad ass façade like a barrier to his earlier thoughts. “Damn, _Princess_ Steve. Who knew you’d be such a good nurse. Guess it suits you.” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “You’re such an asshole. God, Billy, what the hell is your problem with me?”

Billy shrugs. “Besides the fact that you’re a pampered baby who does stupid shit like get on a fucking roof in the middle of a snow storm? What were you thinking? You know, maybe this _is_ your fault. You aren’t very smart, you know. You walk around on an icy roof and you sit outside in the snow with fucking nothing on. If you want to kill yourself, go for it, but I’d really like it if you’d stop trying to take me with you.”

This time Steve doesn’t look angry. This time he shuts down completely, not sure why he bothers. He turns toward the stairs and refuses to look at Billy. “Take whatever you want to stay warm and get the fuck out.” He goes upstairs slowly, feeling like he’s in a dream. 

Billy looks after him and then swears under his breath and kicks the chaise hard. “Fuck… Fuck!” He taps his fingers against his thigh, trying to rein it in, but he already knows that he’s losing this battle. He takes the vase off the table nearby and sends it crashing into the fireplace. He barely remembers going up the stairs after a shocked Harrington, but he is suddenly there, in his space on the stairs, and he hears rather than feels his fist slam into the brunette’s face. The anger is fighting everything good left in him and all he can think is hurt, kill, destroy, ruin. For some reason, one punch is enough for Billy and he hauls Steve up by the collar, more with his good arm than the other. “You don’t get to kick me out! You drag me out here because you and Hopper want to fucking _save_ me? You can’t save me because there’s nothing to save!” He throws Steve down the stairs and registers Steve scrambling up. “You should be worrying about saving yourself!” The nerve of Steve trying to dangle normalcy and friendship in front of him just to rip it away. The rage continues to build and part of him is screaming to stop and to take a breath. There is a voice inside of him telling him that he doesn’t have to destroy things and that he can trust people, but it’s quiet in his head and the anger is bigger. 

He sees Steve run around the corner and then there’s a bat coming at him, or some semblance of a bat. He ducks, but then realizes that the bat swung really high anyway so probably was just meant to scare him. He grabs Steve’s arm as it carries through the swing. He yanks the bat out of Steve’s grasp and tosses it to the ground. He wants to scream “Stop me!” but his anger chokes him and strangles his voice so all he can do is growl in rage. 

Steve tries to pull his arm free and escape. “Get the fuck out of here, Hargrove! I don’t care if you need help or not! Considering how you act toward people who are trying to help you, I’m not surprised that your father beats the shit out of you! It’s probably self-defense!” His head jerks back as Billy lets him go only to hit him again. Before he can fall back on his ass, Billy has him by the throat and slams him up against the wall. He scratches at Billy’s wrist, trying to loosen the grip so he can breathe. 

Billy leans in close and his voice drops to a dangerous whisper. “Yeah? Well maybe you asked for it, too.” He moves so his lips are close to Steve’s ear. “Maybe you will ask for it again. Or maybe I don’t care if you do or not.” He licks the shell of Steve’s ear in a decidedly sickening way. “On your knees, pretty boy. Let’s see if you can convince me not to pound your face in.” Billy knows that it’s cruel, but he just wants to make the other boy feel the pain of having your past thrown in your face. He has no intention of making good on his threat and would never force someone into the position because even he has lines he won’t cross. So when he lets go of Steve’s throat and Harrington slides to the floor, Billy thinks that he’s physically just worn the guy out. But when Steve starts fumbling with Billy’s zipper, he starts wondering if he’s living in a dream, or maybe a nightmare. 

It isn’t until his pants are undone that Billy snaps out of his rage enough to shove all irrational thought aside. The shame of hurting Steve hits him first. It’s worse than a punch to the gut from his father because he knows, without a doubt, he deserves it and more. Maybe Steve did hit first with the self-defense comment, but Steve knew about what happened to him. Billy came damn close to revealing something that he has no right to and he wasn’t even certain about until this moment. Watching King Steve drop to his knees in absolute fear, Billy has to wonder what the hell he was threatened with in order to make sucking a cock seem like a better option. He reaches down and calls Steve’s name, stroking his hair gently. The shudder the other boy gives seems to go through Billy, too, and he drops to his knees so he’s eye level with Steve. He hates that tears are falling down his face, but he doesn’t care enough about himself to wipe them away. He’s laser focused on Steve. 

The inside of Steve’s head is spinning with thoughts. Steve never told Billy what happened to him so it doesn’t register with him that the person in front of him _is_ Billy. He only knows that he’s being threatened and he’s being told what to do to avoid being harmed. So he will do it because that’s how he survives and that’s why he knows that he’s not really being hurt. He’s choosing to do this, just like his parents told him he was doing when he finally confided in them. He finally gets Billy’s jeans open and pulls them in order to get to what he’s looking for when he feels a hand on his head. He shudders, but then the man’s crotch is gone and he’s suddenly looking into blue eyes, very sad blue eyes. “No, I can do it!” The sound of Steve’s voice is altered, clearly due to Billy choking him and the other boy almost whimpers with the shame of what he’s done to the one person who has really showed him the most kindness lately.

Billy doesn’t hesitate this time. He pulls Steve against him, not really caring about the ache in his shoulder. He doesn’t let go even when Steve keeps saying he can make Billy happy. Billy shushes him and tells him that he’s sorry over and over again for minutes or hours until Billy’s almost as hoarse with the need to somehow make things right. When Steve pulls away and sits back against the wall, studying the other man, Billy thinks that they’ve both finally come out of their own heads enough to talk. He fastens his jeans quickly, realizing they are still undone. 

Billy clears his throat. “Steve… Harrington, that was… look, that was all me, okay? I didn’t… I didn’t handle you being sickened by me very well and I-“ 

“What are you talking about? When did I ever say that?” Steve appears genuinely confused. 

“When you reached for me after… after my shoulder was back in place. I saw you pull away and I thought maybe you just-“

“Didn’t want to freak you out? Yeah, that was kind of the point.”

“No, I mean… I thought you didn’t want to touch me because you thought… you think… I’m dirty or sick or a pervert or something.”

Steve stares at the other boy for awhile and Billy begins to think that Steve has forgotten what they were even talking about, but then Steve clears his throat and swipes at his eyes. “You’re not sick, Billy. I wasn’t trying to protect myself from you. I was trying to protect you from me. You don’t need my kindness. Trust me. You wouldn’t want it from someone like me.” He swallows hard against the pain in his throat. “You’re right, though. Hopper and I can’t save you. You’re capable of doing that yourself. We just wanted to help.”

Billy sighs. “And I have a shitty way of saying thank you for that, but… why the fuck would you need to protect me from _you_?”

Steve shrugs. He wants to tell Billy about the sickening things he’s done in his life, but it seems like Billy already knows somehow. Since Steve never told him, he figures that must mean that it’s obvious, that the type of person Steve is proves that he’s twisted. “It doesn’t matter. Look, you don’t have to go. Just… sleep on the couch or something, okay? I’ll stay out of your way.”

Billy moves to sit next to Steve. “I come into your house. I treat you like shit. I hit you. I basically… threaten to rape you…” He puts his hand up when Steve begins to protest. “I did. Let’s not sugarcoat it. I may not have ever carried through with it, but you didn’t know that. I’m a piece of shit, okay? Sure, there are reasons behind what I do and say, but that’s not the same as excuses. I was wrong. I _am wrong_. You’re not a bad guy. You’re basically the opposite. You’re one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. Don’t let me off the hook for this one. I’m not asking for your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it, but I will ask you for another chance to prove that I can earn your forgiveness.”

“I shouldn’t have said what I did about your dad. It was low and unfair and untrue.” Steve still hates himself for that comment and he’s not sure he can forgive himself, whether Billy forgives him or not.  


Billy leans his head back against the wall. “If either one of us knew how to actually communicate, we’d probably do pretty well.”

Steve laughs then. He’s not sure where it comes from and he doesn’t really care. It feels good. He laughs harder and covers his face with one of his hands, trying not to snort. 

Billy looks at him oddly for a moment and then joins him. He’s pretty certain that the two of them are the glaring definition of the word ‘dysfunctional,’ but they both are so comfortable in that space that maybe the world can fuck off and let them stay broken together. Maybe that’s even better than being healed and alone. What could be minutes or hours pass and Billy decides to try something out. “Seriously, let’s talk about what happened. Please? I don’t want this to happen again.” 

Steve sighs and wipes his face of the tears that had come when he was laughing. “What is there to tell?”

“Forget about why you didn’t touch me earlier. You reached out. Why?”

“I mean… I don’t know.”

“Come on… you do.” Billy gets up for a moment and gets his cigarettes, handing one to Steve before lighting his own. 

“Wait! My parents-“

“Fuck ‘em. We deserve it after this shit.”

Steve considers and then nods, accepting. After all, he can get the house aired out long before his parents are home again. He lights his own, but pulls over a bowl that had fallen from their fight to ash in. “You had a line on your forehead. Like… you were stressed or in pain or something. I wanted to smooth it for you… take some of that away.” He releases a breath suddenly as if it had terrified him to reveal that. 

“And you stopped because…?”

“Because I don’t have the right to touch you. I don’t have the right to decide that you’re going to accept comfort because I know that you struggle with it and your dad sucks and I didn’t want to confuse you or make it seem as if I was trying to take your choice away from you.”

Billy nods. “And then I decide that you’ve rejected me and I lash out… again. Basically you were being awesome and I fucked everything up.”

Steve shrugs. “No, you were protecting yourself. I get it. It’s okay.”

Billy frowns. “It’s not.” Billy grabs Steve’s chin gently and forces the other boy to look at him. “Steve, it really isn’t. I meant what I said. Do not let me off the hook for this one.” He considers telling Steve the truth about earlier and finally convinces himself to do so, but lets go of him because touching him right now might make Billy turn into a coward. He looks straight ahead to avoid Steve’s gaze. “It hurt when you pulled away because earlier… well, I was in the shower and I was… you know… and I started thinking of you and I realized that was not cool at all since you’re not… you know, you’re not available that way. I already used you by kissing you so I felt as if I was being pretty shitty for hoping and the rejection… well the perceived rejection stung, that’s all.”

“You thought of me when you were masturbating?” 

Billy groans. Of course Steve would focus on that part. “God, I kind of wish I hadn’t admitted that.”

“If I would have known, I probably wouldn’t have pulled away earlier. But then again, maybe I didn’t have to know that. Maybe I should have just let you know that I care.”

“When you threw me out, the rejection built up and that’s why I went after you. My anger was fully kicked in and I couldn’t pull myself out of it. Again, not an excuse. I attacked you and that makes me a shit.”

“I swung a bat at you,” Steve says dryly.

“No, you didn’t. You clearly weren’t aiming at me or you really suck at swinging that monstrosity,” Billy smiles and it carries through in his amusement as he speaks. 

“It has nails in it. I didn’t want you dead.” Steve runs his fingers through his hair again and winces. He wipes the blood off of his upper lip. “Shit. I guess I’m taking another shower.” He leans his head back again. “Billy, honestly, what I said about your dad was total shit. I never should have said it. I know that he hurts you, like… really hurts you. Max…” He frowns and glances at him quickly. “Max told me that he’s threatened her before and that she was afraid to tell you.”

Billy gives Steve a sharp look. “What?”

“She bought her safety by promising that she wouldn’t say what he was doing to you. And she said she hears you sometimes in your room…. crying.”

Billy sucks in a couple of deep breaths. “He threatened her so she would keep his secret. God… god, that sick fuck.” He rubs his hands over his eyes. “You broke her trust, though.”

Steve shrugs a shoulder. “I think she’d understand.” He looks over. “She hates herself for it, but she was scared. Still is.”

“I never meant for her to even know what he was doing. And the fact she heard me…”

Steve leans into him a bit, nudging Billy’s sore shoulder very softly with his own. “It’s not okay for you to know how to pop your shoulder back into place. It’s not okay, Billy. I know you think it’s normal, but it’s not. You tell me you’re an asshole and… I mean yeah, you are. But you didn’t get there alone. The guy who came after me today. That wasn’t you. That’s what your father is trying to make you. And… and you, the real you, stopped.”

“Steve, I…”

“No, Billy! I listened to you and now you’re going to listen to me. You scared me. You hurt me. I won’t forgive you because you won’t accept it anyway and… I wouldn’t mean it right now. But I believe we’ll get there. I really do. You’re right. I’m not…. I’m not gay. I mean, I have always been attracted to girls so, if I end up being romantically attracted to you, maybe I’m only gay for you.” He turns at Billy’s laughter. “I’m trying to be serious!”

Billy tries to catch his breath and fails. He laughs so hard that he falls to the side, nearly burning himself with his cigarette. 

Steve rolls his eyes. “You suck.”

Billy gasps and manages to sit up again. “Yeah… yeah, I do. But since you’re gay for me, I might show you one day.”

Steve shoves at Billy’s leg. “I didn’t say I was gay for you!”

“You totally did! You said you might be gay for me! I can’t believe you said that. I think I’m flattered!” He puts out his cigarette as he clearly can’t smoke when he’s cracking up. 

“I said _if_ I was attracted to you. And I’m not! For the record…”

Billy pats Steve gently on the shoulder. “Okay then, Harrington. _If_ I manage to woo you or some shit, maybe that will change.” He stands up and looks around. “I’m totally helping you clean this mess.”

Steve finally puts his own cigarette out and gets up and the room spins around him going dark before he finally settles it down enough to realize that he is firmly encased in Billy’s arms. “What….”

You fainted!” Billy looks seriously scared. “I mean… it was quick, but you were barely up and then you were going down.” He practically carries Steve to the couch. “Oh God, I concussed you again. You probably have brain damage. You know….more than usual.” 

Steve rolls his eyes again. “That’s lovely. You insult me after I faint…”

“No, it’s okay. I’m going to check you out and if you’re messed up, I’m calling Hopper.” He puts his hand behind his back. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

Steve stares at him. “What? You mean behind your back?”

“Yeah! I always hear them on Susan’s shitty hospital show asking something like that. So how many?”

Steve shakes his head in wonder. “I don’t fucking know!”

Billy frowns. “Shit shit shit. Okay, wait…Do you have a flashlight?”

Steve nods. “In the closet.” He watches as Billy rushes off, practically tripping over the too large boots he’s still wearing. “Why?” He watches Billy run back. “Billy, what are you….” 

Billy turns the flashlight right in Steve’s eyes. “Stay still!”

Steve puts his hand up. “Ow! Fuck! Are you trying to blind me?”

“No, I’m looking into your eyes to see… if they look okay.” He tries to move Steve’s hand only to be met with his tightly closed eyes. “Come on! It’s important.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re doing it wrong….” He blindly snatches the flashlight away from Billy. “Jesus Christ, Hargrove, what kind of shit is Susan watching?” He leans back and opens his eyes, blinking away the spots. “I’m going to be okay. I just have a headache.”

“You’re lucky it isn’t worse. Fuck, you fell off a roof and got thrown down the stairs. Are you fucking Superman or something?”

Steve looks at him with a bored look on his face. “Yes, Billy. I’m Superman.” He rolls his eyes again. “Can you help me get undressed and then just let me take a nap or something on the couch? You can help yourself to lunch, but I don’t think I’m in the mood to eat.” His hand absently goes to his throat and Billy feels the guilt build up again. 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” He pushes Steve back on the couch, not missing the way the boy is wincing. Billy knows that look and he’s certain that Steve is going to be badly bruised from his adventures today. He pulls off Steve’s wet socks and then both pairs of sweat pants. He gently touches Steve’s bare knees, which clearly show the damage from dropping to his knees so hard earlier. He covers Steve up quickly with the blanket, avoiding looking at his crotch. Having him only in his underwear from the waist down is a little overwhelming, but he knows that it’s better than sitting in wet clothes. He helps him with the shirts next, annoyed there are three layers of those. Each movement seems to hurt Steve more and Billy notes all the marks on the other boy. He makes a note to take care of Steve as he recovers because he knows that he’s going to be in serious pain for a few days. He piles on a couple of blankets and sits with him. “It’s okay. Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up soon to make sure you’re alright.” It doesn’t take long for Steve’s breathing to even out and Billy goes to work. 

He starts by going outside again and shoveling the snow. He figures out enough how to do that at least since he’s seen plenty of people doing it on television and in the movies. Once that’s done, he goes in and strips out of his own clothes, snagging some pajama pants from Steve’s dresser. He decides he doesn’t need a shirt and goes downstairs to get some lunch. He looks in on Steve to find that the other boy is still sleeping soundly. Billy finds some leftovers of the Mexican chicken and makes sure to leave plenty for Steve. He eats quickly and then gathers up all of the clothes he can find and tosses them in the washer. Once the laundry is going, he cleans up all the puddles and picks up the pieces of the vase and throws them out. He sets the kitchen right and then comes back and sits on the couch at Steve’s feet. Since a few hours have passed, he wiggles Steve’s foot. “Hey, come on… wake up, princess.” 

He watches as Steve screws up his face and then relaxes again.

“No way, dude. You said you were getting a shower and that’s what you’re doing.” He persists until Steve reluctantly sits up. Billy wraps his arm around Steve’s waist and takes him upstairs. By the time they get to the bathroom, Steve is fully awake and very aware of their bare sides against each other. 

“I’m okay. I can do it.”

Billy shakes his head. “Sorry. I’ll turn around or something but you’re not going in there alone. You fainted earlier and I’m not going to just sit around and wait for you to fall again and get hurt worse. He walks with Steve into the bathroom and turns to the corner while Steve undresses and gets into the shower. He grabs the towel on the rack and waits. Once the water stops, he turns and holds the towel out in front of him, keeping his eyes closed. He hears the shower curtain move aside and feels the towel being taken from him. “You decent enough for me to open my eyes and help you into the bedroom?”

Steve wraps the towel around his waist and watches Billy’s face for a moment. “Not yet.” He takes this opportunity to really look at the other boy and admits to himself that Billy is very handsome when he’s not angry. He feels a familiar stirring and his eyes widen. “Yeah, I’m good!” He looks down at the floor and sucks in a harsh breath as Billy touches him again. He walks into the bedroom and Billy turns around again as he puts on some underwear, but then he lets Billy help him into another pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, not feeling nearly as comfortable with his own body as Billy is with his. 

Billy looks around. “Where’s your journal? You said you wanted to do that today.”

Steve shakes his head. “Not today. I can’t focus well enough. But I do want to go through and clean out my closet and the little attic space above my parents’ room.” 

He and Billy spend the day going through clothes and Billy has to admit to himself that he’s impressed with how generous Steve is being. Steve might have the money to buy a lot of clothes, but he only keeps a minimum amount of clothes. He’s pretty loaded on sweats and pajama bottoms, though, and Billy wonders if there’s a reason for that. _Like they get soiled a lot with cum and blood._ He pulls away from that thought quickly as it makes him want to interrogate Steve and then go out and kill someone. He reminds himself that he has no clue what exactly happened to Steve and goes back to helping Steve sort clothing. 

Steve finally finishes and insists on a smoke break. They go downstairs and stay inside again, this time talking about safe subjects like movie and music tastes. Billy asks about Steve’s parents and registers that he doesn’t say much at all other than they travel a lot. Billy shares that his mother died young in a car accident when he was only 13. “It was long enough that I knew everything about her and short enough that I am aware of how lacking my life is without her in it.”

Steve listens intently, happy to be learning so much about him. “I’m sorry about your mom. She must have been very special.”

Billy nods. “She was. She loved the hell out of me and I never doubted that. Not once. Dad changed a lot when she died. He wasn’t always like this. He more or less just ignored us. Mom said that something happened to him, like he got fired from some job when I was little and he just shut down. He was out of work for awhile and I guess it did a number on his self image. I don’t know. I don’t really care. Like with me, no excuses.” 

Steve shakes his head. “You’re nothing like him. He’s a monster and he takes advantage of people. You’re not. You’re trying so hard to make better decisions than that. When push came to shove, you took care of me when I was hurting. He never would have done that.”

He finally looks around at the downstairs. “You… cleaned?”

Billy smiles. “Yeah, and hell… I have to put the laundry in the dryer.” He goes to do that and returns soon after, watching Steve finish his cigarette. “You really need to eat.” 

Steve nods. “I know. I guess I’ll try.” 

Billy insists Steve lets him warm up the breakfast and eat that while Steve finishes off the Mexican Chicken. They sit together and watch another movie, not talking much since Steve’s throat is still sore. When the hours pass uneventfully and Steve’s yawns become more frequent, Billy touches Steve’s hand. “I think we should sleep close together tonight again. Especially with your injuries.”

Steve shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. But hey, not on the couch. I really want to be in my bed tonight. It’s big so… you can sleep in it, too, if you want.”

Billy hides his interest in that and stands up. “Okay, let me turn things off and then I’ll help you upstairs. He sets about getting things as ready for night as he can and then comes back to Steve, opting to leave the one lamp in the living room on in case they need to come downstairs for anything in the night. He half drags the tired brunette up the stairs and settles him into bed, pulling the covers up. He gets in on the other side and tries to fall asleep, but is very aware of the other boy in bed with him. He turns on his stomach and gets comfortable. He flirts with the idea of snuggling with Steve, but then thinks about how scary it might be for him if he wakes up with someone’s weight pressing against him and opts to stay on his own side. He listens to Steve’s soft snores for awhile, knowing that if he has nightmares tonight they will not be of his father, but of himself and how capable he was of hurting Steve today. He makes a promise to himself that he won’t be his father, not with Steve. Billy smiles to himself because maybe for the first time, he thinks that maybe he won’t be his father with anyone one day. Maybe he can be the guy that Steve Harrington turns gay for. He smothers his laugh in the pillow and then lets Steve’s breathing act as a lullaby and put him to sleep for the night as he wonders what tomorrow is going to bring the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient as I write this. There is a lot of emotion in this so it takes me awhile to write each chapter because I take frequent breaks. I am always working on it, though. I hope to get another chapter up within the week.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy takes care of Steve and they deal with some unexpected, but welcome visitors. Sibling bonding continues. Lots of angst in this one, with some humor at the very end as the boys work to overcome the obstacles they built the day before.

Dec. 3

Billy opens his eyes, surprised that he didn’t have a nightmare last night. He turns and looks at Steve’s back, as the boy is still sleeping in the same position that he was in last night. He looks back up at the ceiling. He is pretty sure that he deserved to have nightmares the night before. He thinks back to the look on Steve’s face when he kissed him under the mistletoe, and how he’d looked scared right before the actual kiss. Billy bites down on his lower lip. _Scared of me because I beat him nearly to death not that long ago._

He begins thinking about that night, and about what he thought was happening between Steve and the kids. He’s ashamed of it now, but it was a moment of impulsivity and stupid thoughts that he can’t do anything about this morning or any morning. It’s over and done with and Billy will have to find a way to show Steve that he isn’t a monster. 

Billy inwardly groans as it occurs to him that yesterday’s fight didn’t really win him any points in the nice guy department. Steve had hit low, but Billy was a nightmare. He sits up and looks over at Steve again, watching the soft movement of his back. Satisfied that he’s asleep, Billy carefully gets out of bed and walks into the bathroom. He showers, trying to convince himself of how he’s going to make things up to Steve today. There’s the whole breakfast in bed thing, but he’s not good with much other than cereal so he pushes that aside. He leans back against the tiles and lets his hands run down his body again. This time he grips himself and starts stroking slowly, letting the pleasure build. He considers trying things with Steve again just to show him that he’s not jerking him around, that he’s more than willing to take things to another level because he wants to and not because he is trying to scare the other boy into some sort of submission. 

But without warning, he remembers the way Steve had been so desperate to please him yesterday and the punch to the gut of guilt and lust and he gasps in disgust at himself as he cums so hard that he has to brace himself up with his other hand. He pounds the side of his fist against the tile and cuts the water off. The shame of what he’s jerking off to is weighing heavy on him and he towels off the best he can before pulling up the pajama pants again and walking out. 

Steve’s eyes are open and staring at the door that Billy comes through. Billy stops, waiting for Steve to say something, but it’s quiet for too long before Billy breaks the silence. “Steve? Hey, you need help in the shower again?” He ponders the need for constant showers lately, but thinks that it might have something to do with his quickly growing addiction to the soap that Harrington uses. When Steve doesn’t answer, Billy frowns. “Harrington?” He walks over and kneels next to the bed. Steve’s eyes finally snap to his. “Hey, you awake for real or are you doing that weird sleep with your eyes open shit?” Billy tries not to cringe at Steve’s new black eye and split lip or at the blood caked inside of his nostrils that had gathered in the night. 

Steve appears to think about it and then whimpers softly. “Hurts.”

Billy’s gaze sharpens. “What hurts?”

Steve bites his lower lip. “Everything. What the fuck, man….”

Billy nods, knowing what’s going on now. “It caught up with you, huh? Dude, you have fallen on ice and slapped the shit out of your head. Then fell off a roof, hitting me on the way down. And I threw you down the stairs and hit you again. I’m surprised you’re even still alive. Your bathroom is cool and all, but I’d love to be able to get you into a larger tub to soak for awhile.” 

“Parents’ room.” Steve seems to have trouble working his jaw to speak and Billy hopes that he didn’t cause an injury there, too. 

Billy starts to help Steve up when the doorbell rings. Steve moans and rests his head back on the pillow. Billy swears silently, realizing that Steve must have a hell of a headache. “I’ll see who it is. Maybe this means the roads are good and I have to go home.” He frowns, but tries to pull it together so Steve doesn’t see how much that scares him. He’s already been away from home far longer than his father agreed to. 

He rushes downstairs after leaving Steve. He swings open the door to stop the person on the other side from ringing the doorbell a second time since it seemed to cause Steve pain and comes face to face with Hopper and Max. “Oh… hi.” He looks at Max and then back at Hopper. “Does this visit mean it’s time to go home?” He waits for a reply, but notices both are looking at his hands. It’s then that he realizes how bad they’re shaking. He shoves his hands under his armpits quickly and uses the cold weather and his lack of shirt and shoes as an excuse. “It’s… really cold. Come in.” He moves out of the way and watches them both warily as he shuts the door. Max doesn’t look overly upset, but he figures that’s because she wants to go home to her mother and it’s not as much of a nightmare, but then he remembers what Steve said. 

Hopper clears his throat and wants to ease the boy’s fears immediately. “You’re not going back yet. I talked to your father and explained that the roads were too dangerous and if he wants to put you two in danger, that’s fine and I can just add it to my report. He was pretty quick to agree that you two should stay put. He still thinks you’re with me. I didn’t correct him, but I wanted to see if you needed to come back to mine or not.” 

“No, I think I should stay here. Steve isn’t doing so great and I think he honestly needs a babysitter, or a bodyguard.”

Max pales. “Billy, you didn’t….”

Billy shakes his head, deciding not to tell them about the fight and hoping Steve doesn’t, either. “No, he is really stubborn, though. He… he went out to check the pool and didn’t tell me and managed to lock himself out. I was taking a shower so he was out there for awhile and he got really cold. Then he decided yesterday morning that he should check the roof for whatever reason.”

Hopper rolls his eyes. “These rich folks tend to think that ice has to be removed from the roof. Hell, this roof is fine. I think it’s just a way for the Harringtons to put Steve up to doing stupid shit.”

“Yeah, well.. he fell.” 

Hopper’s eyes widen. “Shit, is he alright?” 

Billy gestures to the bruise on his shoulder and smiles sheepishly. “I was looking for him and found him on the roof and yelled at him. Turns out that you shouldn’t yell at someone on a slippery roof and he fell and I.. well, I broke his fall.”

Max frowns. “Are _you_ alright?”

Billy is a bit surprised at the genuine concern in her voice, but nods. “Yeah, my shoulder popped out, but Steve helped me set it right.”

Hopper looks carefully at the bruise. “Injury like that can be tricky to set. You want me to look you over?”

Billy shakes his head. “Nah, I’m used to it. It was easier to have help to set it, though.”

Max pales again. “Billy…”

Billy interrupts her. “Anyway, then he went upstairs and… I guess with the head injury and the fall, he got dizzy and he… well, he fell down the stairs and then tried to get up and get to the kitchen and fainted, falling straight into the island. I’ve seriously never seen anyone so clumsy.” 

Hopper runs a hand over his chin in thought. “Jesus Christ, I guess I can get him to the hospital if I have to.”

“No, he won’t go. I already tried to call an ambulance and he wouldn’t let me. I… I guess I should have called you, too.”

Max shakes her head. “Hopper’s phone is out so it wouldn’t have done you any good. It’s why I haven’t called you the last couple of days. It’s also why I wanted to come over. I don’t want you to think I blame you for this. You know… I am actually glad to be out of there.”

Billy shifts from foot to foot, not sure how to respond to that. “Look, you should know… he didn’t want to, but I was… I was having a moment and Steve told me what you told him.”

Max wraps her arms around herself then. “I’m sorry, Billy. I should have told someone what he was doing earlier, but… I was scared. It was selfish.” 

Billy’s protective side kicks in and he’s pretty sure he didn’t even have a protective side until Steve showed him how to let it out. He places his hands on her shoulders. “No, Max, don’t say that. You kept yourself safe and that’s not selfish. I can hold my own with him, but you…. If he’d hurt you, I probably would be in jail right now, okay? I would have never stood on the sidelines for that.”

“Like I did?” Tears start to fall from her eyes. 

Billy frowns. “That’s not what I mean. You’re supposed to be on the sidelines, okay? You’re younger and it’s my job to keep you safe.”

Hopper lets out a sound that is close to a growl. “No, your parents’ job is to keep you safe and they suck at it. Honestly, I don’t think I can keep you from going home once the weather is better, but for now I’d prefer you stay where you are. The roads are barely passable in my vehicle and we’re getting ice today and the temperature will be low enough that it’s not going to go anywhere for a few days after that. I brought things for you. With my phone already out, I doubt it will be long until power goes out in the area, too. I’ll get the house ready for you and at least that way I’ll know you’re safe.”

He heads outside and leaves the siblings alone. Billy looks at Max and sees how vulnerable she looks. He wonders if anyone ever saw that in him and chose to ignore it. He’s not going to make the same mistake. He ushers her over to the couch and sits down next to her. “Max, I need you to tell me the truth. Did Neil ever hurt you?”

She shakes her head. “He hit you, not me.” 

Billy rubs the back of his neck and thinks of Steve and what he may have gone through. “Max, did he hurt you in any other ways? Did he… touch you?”

Max’s eyes widen. “No! No, I swear it, Billy.”

“Promise me, Max. Promise me that you’re telling the truth. I don’t want you hiding anything from me, no matter how you think I might react, okay? I will believe you no matter what.”

Max takes a deep breath and looks into Billy’s eyes, surprised that she sees an honesty there that she hasn’t seen before. She shakes her head. “Billy, he never did that to me. If he had, I would tell you right now. I promise.”

Billy releases the breath that he didn’t realize he’s been holding and pulls her to him. He closes his eyes and focuses on breathing in and breathing out again. He thinks of Steve again and wonders if he ever had anyone to tell his own secrets to. Billy kept his abuse a secret and he understands the feeling of being alone, but Steve has parents who spoil him rotten. Surely he could have told someone, right?  
Billy feels himself start to crumble and quickly pulls it together and focuses on the trembling girl in his arms. “Hey… hey, Max.” He pushes her back so he can look at her and wipes the fresh tears from her eyes. “We’re gonna be okay. You and me, we understand the other more, right? So that counts for something. I won’t be alone in that house anymore and neither will you. I’m gonna have your back from now on.” 

She smiles hopefully. “Really? And… I’ll have yours.” She wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “If he touches you again, I’m going to… well, I’m going to kick him in the nuts!”

Billy laughs at that. “Is it bad that I’m hoping he hits me just so I can see that?”

Max joins in the laughter and Hopper comes in to see the moment. “That’s a nice change of pace.” 

Billy looks up and rushes over, after seeing all of the things Hopper is carrying. “Wow, what’s all this?”

“Talked to the store owner. Everything is closed up, but he lives over the grocery so he was there for anyone who needed something. He gave me a bunch of shit that people had called in about and Max and I delivered it all before coming here.”

Billy looks through everything and smiles at all the food and sighs in relief at the pain killers and some first aid gear. The muscle cream looks familiar and he looks over at Max.

She shrugs. “I know you use it sometimes and I was worried you would be in pain.”

Billy ruffles her hair, which she backs away from with a glare while she straightens it back up. He grins. “You’re as bad as the princess upstairs.”

Hopper glances up the stairs. “I’m going to check on him in a minute. First, I want to get the fireplace ready. There are candles in the car.” He looks at Max. “Go get them. I want the boys to be ready for a power outage, just in case.”

Billy goes upstairs first and sees that Steve is back to sleep already. He pulls on a shirt and comes downstairs as Hopper is just finishing up and Max is putting groceries away. “He’s out, but you can still go check on him. I’m going to try to get him in the tub later. I think the warm water will help.”

Hopper nods. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ve got some blankets in the car, too. I didn’t know how many they’d have here and I really think you stand a good chance of freezing if you’re not prepared. You know how to use this fireplace?”

Billy scrunches up his face at the thought. “Wasn’t much of a need for fireplaces in California, but I can probably figure it out. You just… put the wood in and then light it, right?”

Hopper rolls his eyes. “Just let Steve do it. He can at least walk you through it.” He looks up the stairs. “I’ll be back, you two.” He starts up the stairs and then stops when he senses someone behind him.   
He turns and sees Billy and Max, looking determined. “So… what are you doing?”

Max shrugs. “Billy followed you and I didn’t want to sit down here by myself.”

Billy bites his lower lip. “He doesn’t always wake up easy and I want to be there if he needs anything.”

Hopper considers this and then nods. “Fine, but Max, you get the first aid stuff and the pain killers and muscle cream. Billy, let’s go.” He heads upstairs, Billy right on his heels. He pokes his head in the door and frowns when he sees his face. “Billy… he fell into the kitchen island?”

Billy shrugs. “We got into a fight. We talked about it later and we’re okay now. I promise.”

Hopper studies him carefully and then nods. “Alright, but if he says anything different, I’m taking you both back to my place so I can take care of him and keep an eye on you.”

Billy nods. “Fair enough.” He follows Hopper into the room and watches for a moment, but as soon as Hopper leans over him, he bursts forward to get between them. “Wait! I… I should do it. Trust me.”   
He turns around and motions for Hopper to back up. Once he does, Billy kneels down so he’s at eye level with Steve. He puts his hand on his shoulder and squeezes very gently. “Steve, you need to wake up.” He moves his hand from his shoulder and slides it up his neck and into his hair. He rubs the side of his scalp gently. “Come on, big boy. Hopper is here.” He swipes Steve’s cheekbone with his thumb a few times. As soon as he starts to stir, Billy backs up and takes his hands off of him. He gestures for Hopper to move back more. 

Steve opens his eyes and moans with the pain that assaults him. He blinks a few times and sees Billy sitting back from him. “Billy… everything okay?” He starts to sit up, but Billy moves quickly and helps.   
"Oh… fuck, did I get hit by a truck?” 

Billy smirks. “Nah, just me.” He motions for Hopper to come in and sees Max standing in the doorway. He wonders how long she’s been there and then realizes the look of awe and sympathy on her face means she’s been there long enough. 

Hopper comes over and squats in front of Steve. “Hey, kid. You look like shit. Billy says you’ve had a lot going on lately. What happened?”

Steve shrugs. “Fell off a roof and down the stairs and then… I don’t know.” He presses the heel of his hand against his forehead. “It hurts.” His voice is still scratchy and he coughs harshly to try and clear it. 

Billy motions for Max to bring the things over. “Here, take some pain medicine.” He glances around. “Max, can you run and get a glass of water?” He goes into the bathroom to grab a few things and take them into the master bathroom. His eyes widen when he sees the garden tub and he is pretty sure that Steve will have a damn good soak in that. He goes back to the bathroom just as Max is handing Steve the water. He stays back, not wanting to look possessive at all. But there is a part of him that is annoyed that anyone else is in the house with them. He knows that’s ridiculous, but he chooses to allow himself to feel how he wants. He knows that’s what Steve would tell him anyway. 

He watches as Hopper looks him over and feels his head gently. He hears a quiet swear or five as Hopper finds a lump on his head and then lifts up his shirt to see the bruises. Next, he makes Steve follow his finger with his eyes and holds up two fingers and asks him how many. Billy rolls his eyes as that makes far more sense. 

Hopper stands up and motions to Max. “Stay with him.” He starts to walk out and turns toward Billy. “Come with me.” He walks downstairs, not doubting that Billy is following him. He takes a deep breath and then looks at Billy sternly. “I don’t like the looks of this. You sure you can handle him?”

Billy nods. “I know I can. We have our issues, but I owe him for getting me out of my house. I’m not going to let him down.”

Hopper sighs. “I’m not happy about leaving you two here, but I also think that he’ll be more comfortable here than in the cabin.” He looks as if he’s made a decision. “Stay here.” He leaves and comes back in a few minutes later with the blankets he mentioned earlier. He puts them on the end of the couch and then hands Billy a radio. “If there’s an emergency, you call. Doesn’t matter what type of emergency. Even if you think you’re going crazy, call me. And keep that damn bat of his nearby. It’s cold out and… just… keep the bat.” 

Billy has no clue why this is such a big deal, but he promises Hopper that the bat will stay close to him no matter what and that he won’t leave Steve on his own. “I’ll go get Max.” He jogs upstairs as Hopper says something about checking everything over one more time before heading out so they don’t have any problems with the temperature that they can’t handle. 

He starts to walk into the room, but hears Max and Steve talking. He knows he shouldn’t eavesdrop, but he does it anyway because he figures that he can still revert to his asshole ways once in awhile. 

“Max, I gotta tell you something and you’re going to be mad.”

“I already know that you told Billy about what I said. I get it. It’s okay. You were helping him through something at the time, he said.”

There’s a long pause. “Yeah… yeah, I guess I was. I don’t know how much I’m helping him, though. I said something to him that I shouldn’t have. It was mean and I don’t really deserve any credit for helping if I’m only making things worse.”

“You’re not. He’s different, Steve. He’s nicer. I don’t think he would be without you being there for him.” 

“I told him he deserved what his dad did to him… does to him.”

“You wouldn’t say that.”

There’s a sound and Billy holds his breath. He thinks that Steve might be crying and that breaks his heart more than he thought it would. 

“I did say it, Max. I wanted to help him. It’s why I went with Hopper. It’s why, when Hopper told me what was happening, I insisted on being there. I wanted to show him that I won’t define him by his normal response to a horrible situation. I wanted him to know that not everyone is an asshole and I fucked up.”

There’s another long pause. “I don’t know what to say to you to help you feel better. I… I’m not sure I want you to feel better. You don’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like for him. I’m trusting you with him. I’m trusting you and now I have to wonder if I shouldn’t.” 

There is another sound and Billy thinks that she’s standing up from where she must have been sitting next to him. 

“Max, please…”

“No, Steve. I need to think and I don’t want to say something right now that I’m going to regret. I know that I’m probably just overly emotional, but I’m so close to having a big brother and it’s my job to have his back and that includes against anyone, including you. I know you’re hurt right now, but I need you to deal with it. Don’t make him take care of you. It’s not fair that he has to put his own stuff on hold to take care of you because you’re stubborn and clumsy. Make him happy, Steve. If you want me to forgive you, make him the priority. Keep. Him. Happy. I Just…” She sniffles. “You’re… you’re no better than Neil!”

He ducks into another room as she rushes out. He listens and swears that he hears Steve crying. He decides to leave him alone for a bit and heads downstairs. He finds Max in the kitchen looking as if she wants to hit someone. He puts his arm around her shoulders. “Hey kid… what’s up?” He bites his lower lip as he starts feeling his eyes warm up when she turns in his arms suddenly and starts to cry. He holds her for awhile and then forces her to look at him. “You alright?”

She nods. “I’m so sorry, Billy. I’m just… you deserve so much better than what you’ve had to deal with and I never gave you a chance. I just thought you were an asshole and I didn’t realize that you were hurting and I’m awful because I let everyone think that you were a jerk and you’re not. You’re not!”

He pulls her into an embrace again and then lifts her up onto the island so they’re face to face. “I totally am, you know.” He smirks and is pleased to see her start to smile. “Don’t put me up on a pedestal, kid. I’ve made some mistakes and they are _my_ mistakes. Neil’s a dick, but I am old enough to know that I could have asked for help sooner.”

“No, why would you? I don’t think trust is something either of us are good at.”

He sighs. “Nah, probably not. But you know… I’m getting better at it. Steve is really showing me that it’s okay to trust and… even when someone says something that hurts, it isn’t always meant. Just like I lash out sometimes, other people can do the same thing. You know, Steve said something to me that really hurt me and you know what I did?”

“What?” She wipes away her tears. 

“I hurt him. I didn’t say anything earlier to you, but Hopper knows. I hit him. In that moment, I was no better than Neil. Steve is trying so hard to be here for me and he’s doing his best. Max, I know you and your nerd friends look up to him, but he’s just a kid, too. And sure, I’ve had to deal with dad’s shit, but Steve is actually alone a lot. He has to take care of himself and he can’t rely on any parents. At least my loneliness is self-imposed. Steve’s never had a choice.”

Her face falls. “Oh… Oh Billy, I messed up.” 

“What happened?”

She tells him about her conversation with Steve and Billy is able to show understanding because he already knew about it. She wipes her nose. “I should go talk to him.”

“Hey, you trust me?”

She nods and meets his eyes. “Yeah, I think I do.”

“Okay, then let me talk to him for you. You have the right to be upset about what happened and I’m betting that Steve isn’t angry with you. He’s probably angrier at himself. Let him have that for a bit and I’ll make it right later. He loves you, Max. I know he does. He seriously won’t hold this against you.”

She hugs him. “I’m glad you’re not an asshole anymore, Billy.” 

He laughs as he hugs her back. “Still an asshole, but… maybe not to my sister anymore.”

She pulls back and smiles. “Yeah?”

He shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah.” He looks up and past her as Hopper comes over. “Everything good?”

Hopper likes what he sees between the siblings and can’t keep the grin off his face. “Everything is good. You use that radio if you need something. I want to get Max back before that weather hits.”

Billy walks them to the door and waves goodbye. He closes the door and takes a few deep breaths before walking up to see Steve. He walks in slowly and frowns when he sees Steve struggling to get dressed. The bruises that cover the other boy’s back causes him to wince in sympathy. “What are you doing?”

Steve doesn’t turn to look at Billy and his voice is thick with emotion. “I’m getting dressed. I thought we could find another movie to watch. Might as well now in case the power goes out later. I have some games here, too, and I thought they would be fun to play. You probably haven’t eaten yet.”

“Steve stop.” 

“It’s fine. I’m feeling stronger now. It’ll do me good to get up and keep busy.”

Billy takes a deep breath and takes the plunge. _Just like with Max… I can do this._ He walks up behind Steve and stays close until Steve stops, finally noticing how close Billy is. “Steve, I’m going to touch you. Don’t freak, okay?” He reaches around and very gently pulls Steve to him. He rests his forehead against the back of Steve’s head. “Max told me what happened between you and to be totally honest… I was listening. I heard the whole thing. You’re _nothing_ like Neil. You would never hurt me on purpose and you are the reason that I finally feel safe. Max feels like shit for being so cruel to you. She’s just finding her balance between being protective and being a bitch. She’ll get there.” He turns Steve around and looks him in the eye, tipping the other boy’s chin up to do so. “Steve, you do not have to make me happy. It’s not your job and, to be honest… you do that anyway. You don’t even have to try.” 

“What is this? I’m supposed to be helping you and you keep helping me instead. I swear I was tough like… two days ago.”

“You’re still tough. Look at you… You’re beat to shit and somehow standing up. Now, let’s go, gorgeous.” He leans down and scoops Steve up bridal style. He laughs as Steve moans and curls right up in his arms. “There’s my tough guy.”

“Fuck you, Hargrove.”

Billy walks toward the master bathroom. “Well, you are gay for me so…”

“Oh my God I hate you.”

Billy sets Steve down on the toilet and starts filling the tub. “I’m going to be outside. You do your business and I’ll be in as soon as you tell me it’s okay.” He walks out and waits until he’s given the all clear. He sees the tub is half full and tests the water. He moans at how warm it is and thinks about getting in with Steve, but doesn’t want to scare him. He finds some bubble bath in the cupboard in the bathroom and pours it in. The smell of lavender fills the bathroom. He turns toward Steve and pulls him up. “Okay, I’m going to get you undressed.” 

Steve glances up. “I can do it.” Billy nods and turns around. “No, Billy.” He looks back at Steve in confusion. “I can’t get into the tub on my own. I can get undressed, but I’m going to need you to… get me in.” 

Billy nods. “I don’t… I don’t have a suit. I can wear underwear and-“

“No. No, it’s okay. I trust you.” The truth is that Steve had been on autopilot since Max had issued her order to keep Billy happy. While he has no intention of leading him on, he does decide to let Billy lead as far as how things are going to work. He pushes down his pants and stands in front of Billy expectantly. 

Billy does everything he can to not look at Steve. He strips down and holds onto Steve as he gets into the tub. He guides Steve down so that he rests his back against Billy’s chest. Billy is surprised that he’s not turned on. He’s so focused on making sure that Steve is getting the care he needs, there is no thought of arousal. He allows Steve to lean his head back to rest on his shoulder and works shampoo through his hair and then rinses it out gently. He takes care of all the other basic needs and then begins tending to the individual wounds. His touches are gentle and he lavishes attention on the other boy. Billy feels the familiar stirrings of lust and he tries to scoot back so that Steve can’t feel how much he’s affected. “Steve… how are you doing, dude? Ready to get out?” His voice is strained and he moves quickly at Steve’s nod. 

He wraps himself up in a towel and then helps Steve out and into another towel. He dries Steve off and starts applying ointment where needed. He rubs muscle cream into some of the areas and uses the first aid kit. He’s aware that Steve is watching him and he’s not sure what to make out of it. He turns his face toward his and finds he’s closer to him than he realized. Billy knows what he wants. He wants to kiss him. His bruised and battered face does nothing to hide how beautiful he is and he suddenly feels the need to make certain that Steve knows how amazing he is. He cups Steve’s cheek and is pleased when Steve leans into the warmth. “Steve… I appreciate you so much. And you just… God, do you even know how beautiful you are? No amount of bruises can cover it up.” He bites his lower lip and his gaze travels down to Steve’s mouth just as the other boy darts out his tongue to wet his lips, leaving them slightly parted. Billy leans in and kisses him gently, making sure to keep it chaste. But then Steve is pressing closer and inviting more. He indulges for about two seconds before he realizes that it’s really not very logical. Steve’s hand pulling at the towel and then stroking his dick certainly brings Billy back to reality. He grabs Steve’s hand and pulls it away carefully. “Steve… babe, what are you doing?”

Steve looks down as if he’s done something wrong. “Making you happy.”

Billy closes his eyes and frowns. Of course Steve is going to try to please him right now. Max told him to do so and Billy can’t shake the feeling that Steve has been told this before. He squeezes Steve’s hand. “You do make me happy just by being you. You don’t have to do anything else. Steve, please let me take care of you today. _That_ would make me happy.” He kisses Steve’s forehead and then wraps his own towel around himself again. “You want to rest on the couch or stay in bed?”

Steve shrugs. “I guess the couch…”

Billy smiles. “Good. I really want to spend time with you today and learn about you. It’ll be fun.” He helps Steve into his bedroom and gets him dressed in some sweats, taking some for himself, too. He keeps his arm around Steve’s waist and gets him down the stairs and settled on the couch. 

Billy busies himself with some serious caregiving. Breakfast is simple and consists of cereal and some coffee that Steve is nice enough to choke down. They manage to get a movie in before Steve starts to fade on him. Billy gets some of the blankets and covers Steve up and then runs his fingers gently through the other boy’s hair until his breathing evens out. He sits nearby for nearly half an hour, trying to memorize how Steve’s face looks when he’s at peace. Despite the injuries, Steve really is still beautiful. Billy wasn’t trying to be a charmer when he’d said as much earlier. He meant it. He thinks back to what it felt like when Steve touched him. It was heaven and hell all at once. He’s been wishing for it for awhile now, but he knows that Steve isn’t able to really do anything because he really wants to right now. 

While Steve sleeps, Billy busies himself around the house. He does some laundry and includes the sheets. He really wants Steve to be comfortable in bed tonight and he’s hopeful that maybe Steve will let him hold him to remind him that he’s worthy of closeness without being taken advantage of. He cleans up the bathrooms and the kitchen and makes plans for dinner that night. He figures the late breakfast will keep them both satisfied with just a snack until dinner. 

When Steve finally woke up hours later, Billy cleans and dresses his wounds again and then helps him to the bathroom. He gets him back on the couch and goes to get some snacks before joining him. They watch some television and Billy reveals that he has a soft spot for some of the Christmas shows that have been on for 10-20 years. Billy explains that his favorite is the Grinch, maybe because it gave him hope that his father will change one day. He blushes at the admittance. 

Steve reaches over and takes Billy’s hand. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re allowed to hope for that and maybe one day that will happen. I just don’t want you to get so lost in that hope that you allow him to hurt you again. Billy, I seriously might kill him if he does. You’re not… You’re not really who I thought you were and I’m glad.”

Billy smiles and then laughs when Steve’s stomach growls. “Damn, when you’re hungry, there is no hiding it. How about if I make some soup for us and tomorrow we can break into some of those games you mentioned. I’m not really a board game guy, but I’d love to learn.”

Steve nods. “I’d like to teach you.” 

Billy doesn’t want to bring up what happened in the bathroom earlier. He will, but he thinks that he should do it when Steve feels free to get away from him and not when they’re stuck. He goes into the kitchen and finds the chicken noodle soup. He yells out to Steve once in awhile, giving him random pointless updates on the soup. He spoons it into a couple of bowls and grabs some spoons. He places them out in the living room and then gets a couple glasses of water. He sits next to Steve and watches as Steve works his way through the meal. Billy would prefer to give him something more substantial, but is worried about him getting sick to his stomach because of the head injuries. 

When Steve is finished, Billy takes their dishes and washes them quickly. He comes back to see Steve dozing again. He stays nearby and watches a movie on TV. When it’s over, he looks over and is happy to see the peaceful look on Steve’s face again. He rubs his arm gently. “Steve? Hey… time for bed.”

Steve moans and then opens his eyes slowly, blinking once or twice before smiling at Billy. “Hey you… are you watching me sleep?”

Billy’s heart flutters as Steve graces him with the smile he’s used to seeing. Billy realizes what this is. He’s done it himself. He gets beat up and then he zones out for awhile. But once he gets some equilibrium in his mind again, it’s as if he’s right back to feeling like himself and that feels amazing. The smile is a good indicator that Steve is _his_ Steve again. It’s more validation that he made the right decision in not bringing up the incident from earlier. He shrugs. “Maybe, but only because you snore so loud and I’m trying to figure out how that’s humanly possible.” 

Steve nudges Billy’s knee with his foot. “Dick.”

Billy laughs. “You say that like you didn’t already know. Now come on. I need to sleep and you need to get somewhere comfortable.” He stands and turns out all but one lamp. He makes sure the door is locked and then goes to find the bat Hopper mentioned and makes sure it is in the bedroom where Billy can get to it quickly. He goes back to Steve, who is already a few feet away from the steps. “You’re fucking stubborn.” 

Steve smirks. “You say that like you didn’t already know.” 

Billy rolls his eyes. “Jackass.” He stays close to Steve since he insists he can walk on his own. Once he gets them both to the bedroom, he hides his blush as Steve praises the change of the sheets and expresses how grateful he is. “Yeah yeah… shutup about it or you’re sleeping on the floor. You act like I’m a nice guy. Just be happy that I didn’t dye all the sheets pink.” Once Steve is under the covers, Billy runs to get some of the blankets that Hopper brought. He settles them at the foot of the bed. “Hopper said we might lose power so I figured this way we can just curl up and stay warm until morning instead of trying to get up in the middle of the night.”

Steve nods. “Smart.” He studies Billy for a moment. “Night, Billy. If… If it gets cold, just wake me up and we can share body heat. I’m not really cool if I just wake up with your sweaty ass body draped all over me because… gross. But if I know first, I might be willing to make an exception.” 

Billy grins, feeling that another one of Steve’s walls might be crumbling a bit and the fact that he feels safe enough to even suggest it fills him with a warmth that he doesn’t want to explore just yet. He pulls the covers up to his neck and is almost asleep when he yelps. “What the actual fuck, Harrington!” He can’t help but to laugh through the shock. 

Steve laughs. “My feet are cold. I figure you owe me at least the use of your legs for some heat.”

Billy shakes his head. “You’re ridiculous.” After a minute, he turns around and faces Steve’s back. “I can’t believe you stuck your fucking icicle feet right up my sweats.”

“ _My_ sweats.” Billy can hear the amused note in the tone. 

“Yeah, okay. Your sweats. I’m ready now. If you want… you can put your feet back up or… I can wrap my legs over them.”

Steve is quiet for a bit and Billy is worried that he fucked up, but Steve just turns to look over his shoulder and smirks. “I’m not gay for you yet, Hargrove so keep it PG and you’ve got a deal.”

Billy moves toward him and gets wrapped around Steve’s back. He realizes that Steve is running a little cold, but decides that’s better than being feverish. “I knew it.”

Steve sighs. “Knew what?”

Billy leans forward so his lips are near Steve’s ear. His warm breath ghosts over Steve’s neck. “I still have a chance.”

“How do you figure?”

Billy smiles. “You said ‘yet.’”

Steve laughs. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

Billy has a feeling they both fall asleep with smiles on their faces.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, the boys do some exploration of their feelings toward themselves and each other. A lot can change in a couple of days when two guys have nothing to do but be in their own heads or trying to figure out what is going on in the other's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have NO idea where this came from. I was planning on doing a boring chapter that would fill space because I had NO motivation or inspiration. Then I started writing and BAM, here this was. Funny thing, after I finished writing I wasn't sure I should post it, but I turned some music on and All Of Me by John Legend came on. I figured it was a sign so if you hate the chapter, blame the writer's spirit haunting me. :)

Dec. 4 morning....

Steve wakes up suddenly and takes a deep breath to stay calm. It isn’t the first time he’s been startled awake, usually by the phone or the doorbell. Sometimes it’s just a loud noise from outside. Either way, it leads to a tense few seconds where he closes his eyes and pays attention to the sounds around him. 

“Please… I didn’t mean… I’m trying…"

Steve carefully sits up, his bruises punishing him with each movement. He looks over at Billy, who is clearly in the throes of a nightmare. He reaches out and stops right before shaking the other boy, knowing he will have to do this slowly. His heart breaks a little when he hears the nightmare continue. 

“I’m afraid… Don’t leave me… Mama please…”

Steve turns away then, holding his hand over his mouth and nose to stop the sobs that are close to the surface. He hates that Billy is hurting, has been hurting, and none of them had done anything until now. He removes his hand once he is composed and reaches out and takes Billy’s hand gently, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Billy… Billy, come on, wake up.” He keeps his voice soft. 

Billy’s tears are sliding down his cheeks in his sleep. “I’m not broken!” He sits up suddenly and lets go of Steve’s hand as he does so. He presses his fingertips to his eyes and sniffs once before letting the tears come. He startles, dropping his hands as he feels a soft touch on his arm. 

Steve runs his hand lightly up Billy’s arm from his wrist to his elbow. “Hey… I’m here. I’m right here, okay? You’re awake and you’re safe. You… I mean, you can cry, Billy. It’s okay to cry, right?”

Billy stares at him as if he’s not sure if Steve is real, the violent awakening throwing him off so everything around him seems a little fuzzy. He bites down on his lower lip and shakes his head. “I can’t fight him anymore. I just… I can’t keep this up.”

Steve moves his hand up to Billy’s shoulder and then scoots over and puts his arm around Billy’s back. “Hey, you don’t have to fight him anymore. And if he tries something, he can fight me instead, alright? I’ll be there, Billy. Anyone he punches from now on, it’s me. Not you.” 

Billy looks up at Steve again and sees the boy for who he really is. Billy is stunned that he never realized how _nice_ Steve is. He wonders if anyone else has noticed the boy’s kindness and gave him credit for it before. “I’m sorry.”

Steve frowns. “For what?”

Billy shrugs. “For feeling alone when you’re right here. And for just… I just… I need you now.” 

Steve smiles gently. “Billy, you’ve got me. I told you, I’m here for the long haul.” He pulls Billy closer to him so the boy is forced to lean his head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve rubs Billy’s back, moving his hand in slow lazy circles until the other boy starts to lose the tension in his muscles. Steve thinks that maybe Billy has fallen asleep and decides to just deal with it and stay sitting up. 

A moan from Billy proves that maybe he’s not sleeping, but very still. He sits up after a few minutes. “Nothing’s the same.”

Steve smiles sadly. “No, I guess it’s not.”

“You’re kind of stealing my world, you know.” He blushes. “I mean… I’m going to be lonely when I’m not staying with you anymore. And I’ve had friends and I know that you and I have only had…. What, like two or three days together, but…. Steve, you’re… you’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

Steve reaches down for his hand again and holds it. “I’m feeling the same way, Billy.”

Billy smiles. “It might take some time… for me to be okay.”

Steve nods. “I know.”

“And sometimes, when I can’t take it… you getting close to me… I’m going to run away and hide. It’s what I do and sometimes I handle it by getting angry.” Billy looks down where their hands are joined.

“I know that, too.” He leans forward and cups Billy’s face in his cheek and turns him so he’s facing him. He stretches up a little, giving him a chaste kiss on the forehead. He blushes afterward. “Sorry, that was.. I mean… sorry.” 

Billy smiles at him. “My mom used to do that. Maybe I’m one step closer to being the man she was raising me to be and you.. you saw it. It’s stupid, but it feels like that was kind of like a sign that she still loves me.”

“You called for her in your sleep. You were having a nightmare. Do you want to talk about it?”

Billy shrugs. “Sometimes I dream of my dad screaming at me for not being good enough and that’s why mom died. In my nightmare, it’s like she chooses it so she can get away from me and my… perversions.”

“You’re not a pervert.” Steve barely keeps his voice under control and fights the urge to go find Billy’s dad and strangle him. 

“It’s just what I’ve heard enough times. And then he says that I can’t be fixed and that’s why mom is dead and I just… I’m not…”

“…broken.” Steve sighs. “You said that, too.” He continues holding Billy’s hand and uses the other one to wipe the tears completely away that are still falling from Billy’s eyes. As he does, he ends up looking into his eyes and feels mesmerized. For a moment that seems to stretch out, the doubts in Steve's brain fade away. It’s weird, but Steve thinks that if it was a girl in front of him right now, he’d already be kissing her. But it’s not a girl. It’s Billy.

“Can you lie here with me and just… can it be just us for awhile? Nobody else. Just us. I don’t know how to say what I feel right now.”

Steve smiles. “Yeah, we can lay here and forget everything for now.” He gets comfortable and pulls Billy to him, allowing him to rest his head on his shoulder. Steve brings up his arm and strokes Billy’s curls, becoming lost in the sensation of the softness. He must doze for a little bit because when he wakes up, Billy is sniffing a bit as if trying to wake up. The sun is coming through the blinds differently and he glances over at his desk clock. It's only 8 o'clock so he probably only dozed for a few minutes. He waits for Billy to stir more because if he can get some more sleep, Steve wants him to. 

"Steve?” The voice is soft and scared. 

Steve frowns and hugs Billy a little closer. “Yeah, Billy?” 

“You know how I said I want to be the man my mom raised me to be?”

Steve smiles. “Yeah, that’s pretty cool. Your mom must have been awesome.”

Billy’s quiet for a moment and takes a deep breath. “She was. But it’s difficult to think of what she wanted because she’s gone. I think… I think now I want to be the guy that you think I am.”

Steve holds his breath as Billy allows himself to be vulnerable. He can tell by the tension in Billy’s body that the blonde is terrified. “Billy, maybe you should find out who you think you are and be _that_ guy. The guy I think you are is probably nothing compared to who you really are inside. I think you’re pretty damn great, though.” 

Billy leans up then and looks up at Steve, who is still looking at the ceiling. “It’s not on you, but it’s taken so long for me to open up about anything. I guess I wish… I wish that I hadn’t kissed you for the first time while trying to prove a point.”

Steve glances at Billy and then looks up again at the ceiling. “I’m sorry that I missed it, too. I was too shocked to realize what was happening until it was over.” He frowns. “It scared me.”

Billy sits up more then. “I’m sorry. I never meant to scare you. Honestly, I wasn’t even thinking about you in that moment.”

“I know. And it’s okay. _I’m_ okay, as long as it means you getting out of that house.” He continues to stare at the ceiling. “I’m thinking.”

Billy grins despite having an emotional epiphany because the fact Steve announced it so calmly is cute. “Yeah? About what?”

“My bad dreams and how they’re different from yours and… well, you told me stuff that I know is scary because now I know some of your secrets and it’s not fun when someone knows your secrets and you don’t know if you can trust them. But… you trust me, don’t you?”

Billy nods, even though Steve can’t see him directly. “Yeah, I think I do. I’m not sure. I haven’t trusted anyone in a really long time. I guess this is what it feels like.”

Steve looks down at him again and seems to going over something in his head. “I want to trust you, too. I want to show you that it’s okay to trust me because I feel the same, but… but this isn’t about me. It’s about you. I don’t want you to think that I’m telling you some things because I want your attention. I just don’t-“

“Steve, stop. Jesus, it’s true. You are probably the _nicest_ fucking guy on the whole damn planet. Anyone who thinks that you have a malicious bone in your body is a goddamn moron. Say what you want to say. I’ll know the intent behind it.”

Steve tenses up suddenly and Billy can see his abdominals bunching under his shirt when he looks down again to see what’s happening with the movement beneath him. He looks up to Steve’s face again and is horrified at the look there. Steve is biting down so hard on his lower lip that Billy can tell that it’s about to open up under his teeth. His breathing is harsh as if he’s fighting one hell of an internal battle with himself. Speak or don't speak. Tears are gathered at his eyes, threatening to fall, and it’s only by Steve’s sheer will that they’re not. 

Billy sits up and gets into his line of sight then, making sure not to put any weight on him. “Steve, baby, what’s in your head, pretty boy? I’m right here and I trust you. I swear. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Trust me to mean that. You don’t have to tell.” 

Steve’s eyes flick to Billy’s then and his face crumples at the permission to not be vulnerable. It makes it easier to be just that, though, and he is encouraged by the fact that Billy does just the right thing whether he knows that's what he's doing or not. The dam bursts. “I got hurt, too. I got… I mean… they touched me and I didn’t want it, Billy. I swear I didn’t. My dad… My mom…” He chokes back a sob, barely breathing now. He doesn’t fight when Billy pulls him up and into a hug. “I told them. I did and they… they called me a pervert, too. But I wasn’t. I’m not and neither are you. I… I think I need help, Billy.” He shakes his head. “Shit… _Shit_ this is what I wanted to avoid. I’m sorry. I want to talk about you.” 

“Steve, you can’t keep pretending that you haven’t lived through hell.” He tightens his grip at the implications of Steve using the word ‘they.’ Steve hadn't come right out and explained what happened and that had all sorts of horrors going through Billy's head. But now he knows he has to be here for his friend, like he knows Steve is there for him. “I have so much I want to say to you. I want to make this better and I know I can’t. And your parents are idiots. You did _nothing_ wrong.”

Steve lets his emotions take over and he clings to Billy, letting the tears fall. “That’s… that’s the first time someone said that to me.”

Billy brings one hand up to tangle gently in Steve’s hair. “I think that you’d hear that from a lot of people if they knew.” He rubs the back of Steve’s neck, massaging away the tightness there. “I’m not going to say a word, okay?” He doesn’t know when he started rocking Steve back and forth, but he knows that it seems natural to him. 

Steve's voice is soft and Billy is shocked that he can even hear him. He half thinks that maybe Steve hasn't meant to say it out loud. “Sometimes I wish I was dead. You may not be broken, but I think I might be.”

“Hey… Hey!” He moves back and brings his hands up to cup Steve’s face firmly and looks him right in the eyes. “I’m right here. I’m here and I need you, too, so no talking about death. And you’re not fucking broken. You’re… you’re beautiful and sweet and kind and you are Billy Hargrove’s best fucking friend so… no checking out. We’ll get through this shit together. Maybe we can help each other… you know… with all the shit in our heads.” 

Steve bites his lip again. “I… I don’t want to hurt you. But there’s a part of me that wants…” His eyes shift downward, avoiding Billy’s gaze. 

“No way, pretty boy. Don’t give up now. Tell me. I’m here and right now… I’ll forgive you for anything. I promise.” He leans forward and kisses Steve’s cheeks softly, taking the tears away. 

Steve cries out softly with his grief and pushes forward quickly, kissing Billy with wild abandon, seeking some sort of comfort and not knowing how to handle all the pain inside of him. He is messy with his kiss as he begins to taste the salt of his tears mixed with Billy’s unique taste. 

Billy had a feeling that this was coming. He knows Steve will beat himself up for it for leading him on, but he’s not concerned about that. He knows what this is and what it isn’t and if this helps Steve right now, then he’s all in. Considering he wanted to do the same thing earlier, he can’t really judge. Billy stopped himself earlier because he didn’t want Steve to think that he was taking advantage of him just to get a kiss. Billy knows that Steve would have let him just to comfort him and then he would think that he was just a warm body and that anyone can heal Billy’s heart, but that isn’t true. Billy needs _Steve_ right now and it's terrifying how important this guy has become to him in such a short time. Anyone else wouldn’t even scratch the surface of his pain. But Steve’s presence is like a healing balm on his soul. 

He takes control of the kiss and gentles it, slowing it down so they can both savor it. He licks into Steve’s mouth and shudders as Steve reaches out and grips Billy’s hand that is still on his cheek. Billy thinks that Steve is about to bolt, but instead he finds his fingers linked with Steve's again and he finds that he really likes holding hands with him. For Billy, he never thought that holding hands could be so intimate, but it grounds him in ways he didn't think possible. Billy slants his lips to deepen the kiss and Steve’s moan of want goes straight to Billy’s cock. He pushes gently away then and leans his forehead against Steve’s while they both try to catch their breath. He presses forward again to give Steve a last chaste kiss for leaning back and dropping his hands from Steve’s face, keeping his fingers intertwined with Steve’s and bringing their hands up to his lips before kissing the back of Steve’s hand gently. “You okay?”

Steve nods. “Sorry for all of that. I didn’t mean to lay all that on you.” 

Billy shakes his head. “Don’t you ever apologize to me for needing me, pretty boy. That is more helpful to me than you know. And it makes me want to fight more. I know I have to go back to my dad’s eventually, but if he hits me, I'm not going to take it anymore. I’m going to kick the shit out of him.” 

Steve smiles. “Yeah? I’d like to see that.”

Billy laughs. “Well, I guess I can call you first. I think Neil will be willing to wait until you got there.” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“I do.” Billy grins. “So… what did you think?”

“About what?” Steve’s brow furrows as he tries to figure out what he’s missing. 

“The kiss. Do you think you’ll remember this one?” He feels pleasure lance through him as Steve blushes because Billy is certain that Steve colors up like that when he climaxes, too. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget.” He smirks and then shrugs one shoulder. “Guess that whole ‘gay for you’ thing might be a little more realistic.” He frowns then. “I don’t want to lead you on.” 

Billy can’t stop his bark of laughter. At Steve's shocked look, he pulls it together. “Sorry. I’m apparently a psychic.”

“What?”

Billy shakes his head. “Never mind.” He stands and holds out his other hand to Steve. “Come on, it’s kind of chilly in here and I think we should check the house and warm things up in case Hopper was right about everything cutting out on us.” 

Steve gets up slowly, with Billy’s help and makes his way into the bathroom, letting Billy go downstairs to freshen up. He starts walking down the stairs when he’s ready, but Billy sees him and is right there by his side, assisting him in getting downstairs with as little pain as possible. “How’s the house?”

Billy grimaces. “It’s colder than the thermostat is set for, but not much. I think maybe everything recently stopped because I didn’t feel cold at all last night.” He settles Steve on the couch. “You want to walk me through setting a fire?”

Steve arches an eyebrow. “Oh… so we’re burning down the house for our excitement today.” 

Billy rolls his eyes. “Don’t be a shit.” He grins seductively. “Come on, Harrington, teach me something new and I’ll repay the favor.”

Steve smirks. “Promise?” He blushes again. “You know what I mean.”

Billy nods. “I think I do. Not sure you do, though.” He winks. 

Steve laughs lightly. “Okay, Hargrove, what does it mean?”

Billy comes over and straddles Steve’s lap, not putting much weight on him. He smiles at the way Steve’s breath catches and a look of confusion crosses his face as if he isn’t sure why he’s feeling hot and bothered with another boy straddling him. “You teach me to light a fire and I’ll teach you…” He leans close to Steve, their breath mingling and Steve’s lips part and his eyes start to slide closed. “… how to play poker.” He grins as Steve’s eyes shoot open. 

Steve shoves Billy off of him and laughs. It’s a genuine laugh that carries to his eyes and Billy feels a bit more healing take place. Because he’s taking Steve’s advice and figuring out who he wants to be. And who he wants to be is the man who can make Steve Harrington laugh and feel safe. He can definitely be that man and more for his pretty boy and for the first time in a long time, he feels hope bloom in his chest and decides that he will make that happen for Steve, too, eventually. As he starts making the fire with Steve's guidance, all of his shit with Neil seems small with what he knows he can be now. It occurs to him that his mother always used to tell him that if something doesn't kill him, it will make him stronger. He's determined to show Steve that his past won't kill him, either, no matter how much it hurts.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone again, Billy and Steve make the most of another day snowed in at the Harrington house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long! This chapter took a bit out of me as I wanted the boys to have fun, but also have some serious moments, too. And of course there is the tiniest littlest bit of smut for those of you who have been so kind to stick with me through this one. I am probably going to update Don't Let Me Drown before I come back to this one so it might be another week or two. If I'm VERY lucky, I will finally get a chance to write this weekend. Fingers crossed!

Dec. 4 continued…

Billy manages to get the fire started with only a few setbacks, including dropping a piece of newspaper that was on fire onto the carpet. Steve, fortunately, had been drinking a glass of water and dumped the remainder on the flaming paper immediately and then laughed at the horrified look on Billy’s face. 

By the time the fire is going strong, both boys are chilled and incredibly grateful for the new source of heat. Billy sets up some pillows and blankets closer to the fireplace and pulls the couch up so they can sit on the floor and have something to rest their backs against. He makes space on the floor and brings some things from the kitchen so they can sit and talk and munch. 

Steve opens the cabinet under the television and pulls out Monopoly. He explains the rules to Billy, because somehow Billy has never played it. They waste a few hours laughing as the other collects rent and teasing when they get cards that send them to jail. Eventually, Billy frowns and Steve catches the look. 

“Billy? What’s going on?”

Billy shrugs. “I mean… this is fun and all, but… how does it end?”

Steve frowns and studies the board for a moment. “You know… I’m not sure. I’ve never made it to the end. I only get bored with it and stop playing.”

Billy laughs. “Seriously? You’re such a nerd, Harrington. Let’s stop this one and find something else that actually has an end.”

Steve and Billy put the game away and Billy looks through the game cabinet. “Trivial Pursuit?”

Steve shakes his head. “That’s my parents’ game.”

“Yeah, but we can play it, right?” Steve crosses one arm over his chest and rubs his other arm and Billy can tell that he is clearly nervous. “What’s up?”

Steve shrugs. “I’m not smart enough for that game.”

“What? Bullshit! You’re really smart.” Billy starts to think about how often Steve thinks so badly about himself and frowns, realizing that he’s only added to that low self-esteem lately. 

“Um, I just don’t want to play that.” He brushes the subject off and he looks past Billy. “Hey! What about Life? I mean… it can’t hurt to pretend that we’re someone else for awhile.”

Billy takes out the game and has a pretty easy time of learning the rules, but the game is pretty intense for them at a few points.

“Steve, why are you taking that route?”

“Because it’s the no college route.”

“Go to college, Harrington.” Billy looks pointedly at him. “It’s Life. You’re going to have a better time of it if you go.”

“Can’t go if you don’t get accepted.”

Billy sighs. “Well, I’m the banker _and_ the admissions people and I say you’re accepted.” He picks up Steve’s car and puts it on the other path. “No arguments or I won’t give you any loans later if you need them.”

Steve huffs out his laughter. “I wouldn’t have agreed to let you be the banker if I’d known what a fucking tyrant you’d be.”

“You couldn’t figure that out by my general attitude?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “I’m going to college, okay?”

Billy grins and continues with the game, pleased with his accounting degree. He has to push Steve again when the brunette becomes a doctor and reminds him that it’s a game, but that it’s still very possible. Steve agrees that being a doctor could be kind of fun, even if it is just made up and continues. 

Billy gets to the marriage stop first and becomes a pain in the ass. “No, I’m not getting married.”

“Billy, you have to get married. It’s the rules.”

“Marriage is dumb.”

Steve sighs. “You’re not _really_ getting married. It’s just a game.”

“Why can’t we change the rules? I mean it’s kind of dumb that I have to get married because a game says so.”

“Fine, don’t get married. I won’t get married, either.”

Billy shakes his head. “You have to get married.”

“Why do _I_ have to get married?”

“Because you’re pretty. You’d make a good looking bride.”

Steve shoves Billy over and laughs. “Jackass!”

Billy chuckles and sits back up. “Okay, I’ll get married, but I’m not marrying a girl.”

Steve shrugs. “The rules don’t say you have to so that’s fine.”

Billy picks up another blue peg and sticks it in next to his. “There. Perfect.”

Steve watches as Billy spins for gifts and then the extra spin and then gets lost in his own thoughts for awhile before looking up at Billy, who is now starting to look concerned. “Would you really do that?”

Billy frowns. “Really do _what_?”

“Marry a guy?”

Billy laughs. “No, I wouldn’t. Pretty sure that’s not even possible. Anyway, I can’t even get with a guy until I go back to California. Pretty sure that I’d get killed out in Buttfuck, Indiana, which is kind of ironic….”

Steve chews on his bottom lip for a moment until he hisses in pain as he touches a sore spot. “I’m sorry that things are so difficult for you. I definitely like kissing you so maybe I should make my way to California, too.”

Billy gazes at Steve and wonders what it would be like to go on a road trip to California with him by his side. “Hey… maybe you should. I’ll need a roommate and clearly you and I don’t get along too horribly when we’re trapped together.” He smirks. 

Steve still looks serious and nods once. “Maybe.” He takes his turn and chooses to marry a man as well to join in solidarity with Billy. 

The game continued to go well, but Billy laughs hysterically as Steve hits every childbirth space. Steve gets his turn to laugh when Billy manages to adopt twins and then put them in the very back of his car to avoid them. In the end, Steve wins the game because of all the extra money he got for the kids. Billy shakes his head in amusement. “So you became a millionaire because you sold your kids? Pretty sure that’s frowned upon in the real world.”

Steve laughs. “Maybe, but it works in this game.” He rubs his stomach absently. “I’m hungry.” He tries to get up, but he’s stiff and sucks in a sharp breath. 

Billy stops putting the game away and looks up. “Hey, let me get food for us, okay? You just sit.” He finishes up with the game and puts it away. He heads out into the kitchen and wonders what time it is. He remembers Steve saying something about his clock upstairs having batteries and decides to check it out at some point. He looks out the window and is pretty sure that daylight is going to fade off sooner or later. His skin practically itches with anticipation of maybe touching Steve again. He feels arousal coil in his belly and shivers. He takes a few breaths to calm down and then finds some sandwich supplies. He takes the two sandwiches in, along with two glasses of chocolate milk. He balances them all on a cookie sheet and smiles at Steve when he comes in. Steve has leaned back against the couch with his bare feet stretched out toward the fire, that he apparently just stoked back to life as it was fading a bit when Billy went to the kitchen. He sets the sheet down carefully on the hearth and looks over at Steve again. He takes advantage of the quiet moment and wonders how Steve will look at night, his smooth skin warmed by firelight. He shakes himself out of the thought. “Steve…. Food.” 

Steve stirs and sits up, smiling at Billy. “You’re a lifesaver.” It takes him a moment to get into a comfortable position, but when he does, he grabs his sandwich and eats it like he’s starving. “Damn, you make a mean sandwich.”

Billy smiles. “I just used what I could find, weirdo. We’re lucky the food is still good in the refrigerator since it’s so cold in here. I don’t think I realized how cold until I left the fire.”

Steve frowns. “That bad?”

Billy nods. “Yeah, I think we should be really careful. If you think we should call Hopper, we can. I’m sure he’ll find a way to come get us.”

Steve shakes his head. “If we keep the fire lit, we’ll be fine. I’m not worried.” He sucks down half of his chocolate milk in one swallow and Billy can’t help how he feels watching Steve’s neck move with the task. 

Billy clears his throat and sips his own drink. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.” He practically runs from the little nest of pillows and blankets and heads upstairs. By the time he gets there, he notices that things are getting dim and he frowns at how fast it gets dark in the winter. He leaves the door open for more light and takes care of business before grabbing some of his stuff from the bag he has. He brushes his teeth and rinses his mouth before running his hand over his face. The stubble is there, but it’s not over the top yet. He smiles as he thinks of Steve, who has nothing going on in that department. He’s pretty sure the guy is incapable of looking anything but pretty. Gruff and stubbly just doesn’t seem to be Harrington’s thing. He grabs some extra pairs of sweats for both of them and then gets a few more things, hoping they can stay downstairs for awhile since Steve might not do so well on the stairs if the general stiffness is anything to go by. He also doesn’t want Steve being too cold for too long. The image of Steve sitting at the pool and falling off the roof assault him and he shivers more from the fear of how bad things could have been rather than the cold. 

By the time he gets back downstairs, the fire is lower, but nowhere near close enough to need attention again. He smiles as Steve looks up at him. Billy holds his hand out and Steve grasps it. “My turn?”

Billy nods. “Yeah, I brought stuff down here so you can brush your teeth and stuff down here.” He helps Steve into the downstairs bathroom and stands outside the door in case Steve needs anything. When the door opens, he takes Steve’s arm. “Come on. It’s too fucking cold. Let’s get you back to the fire.”

Steve looks up and sees the shadows cast by the fire and glances out where the pool is, unable to see anything. But he knows it’s there. His eyes dart around, feeling as if something is watching him and he knows that if they’re attacked, he won’t be able to protect Billy because he’s too injured. He thinks of the demogorgon coming out of the wall and slapping him aside as he tries to get to Billy. He remembers the screams in his head of the kids when they were attacked and imagines Billy screaming in confusion and fear. He can hear the sound of ripping flesh and suddenly he looks toward the pool again. He tries to figure out what he was doing with Nancy at the exact moment that Barb was grabbed. He starts thinking that maybe he missed her screams because he was too caught up in making Nancy feel so good or maybe making himself feel good. He’s a selfish bastard who was fucking a virgin while Barb was being tortured with fear and confusion. And now Billy is going to be taken, too, and it will be his fault because he didn’t want to go with Billy to Hopper’s house. The thoughts continue and he’s certain he’s drowning in them just like Barb drowned. He can’t imagine that she didn’t die screaming and he can hear the screams again. He covers his ears to make it stop. 

Billy stills when Steve freezes in place and looks at him to tell him they can take it slow, but instead he sees Steve’s fear as the other boy is glancing around the room. As his breath quickens, he drops his arm from Steve’s and gets ready to deal with the boy maybe lashing out. “Steve?” He gets no reaction that he even said anything. He says his name again, a little louder, but still there is nothing. Steve’s eyes continue to dart around and Billy is barely prepared when Steve backs up, hitting the wall. Before Billy can reach out for him, Steve slides down the wall until he’s sitting with his knees drawn up. Billy kneels down, but then Steve starts screaming and covers his ears. Billy is stunned, but can’t handle seeing his temporary roommate drowning in some unseen pain. He grips Steve’s wrists and pulls his hands away from his ears. “Steve! Steve, it’s okay!” He gathers Steve up until the other boy’s face is buried against his chest. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he knows that Steve is seeing something that isn’t there and all he can think to do is cover his eyes and soothe him with his warmth. He feels like this is becoming a habit and he thinks back to all the things that Steve does with the brats. He wonders for the first time whether Steve doesn’t do it so much because he adores the kids, but because he can’t handle being alone. Like maybe this fear and panic sets in quick like this all the time when he’s alone. The thought bothers him more than he wants to admit and he hates Steve’s parents a lot more than he thought possible in that moment. He is pretty sure that he hated them enough when he found out what they said to him after his abuse. Now he’s certain he’s going to punch one or both of them when he sees them for the first time. 

It seems to take forever, but Steve calms down enough for Billy to feel comfortable pulling away. “Okay, you with me? Steve? Come on, man. Come back to me.” He doesn’t know what possesses him to do it, but he cups Steve’s face in his hands and draws him forward. He kisses him lightly a few times and then turns it into a series of soft kisses on his cheeks and his forehead and his eyes. “Baby, please.” He kisses Steve’s mouth again and this time he feels the response. He swallows Steve’s groan, but knows that it isn’t a passionate sound, but the sound of a man who was just pulled back from the brink. He pulls back and nearly collapses in relief when Steve is looking back at him with much more alertness than before. “Okay, Steve. I’m right here, alright? Stay with me.” He stands and pulls Steve up carefully. “Let’s get near the fire.”

Steve nods. “It hates the heat.”

Billy frowns, but decides not to ask questions right now. He settles Steve in and then gets the fire roaring again. “There. Better?”

Steve sighs in relief. “I need the bat.”

“The bat? Oh! Yeah, that thing!” He rushes to get it and brings it to Steve, but only finds Steve looking scared again. “Hey, what is it?”

“We have to stay here tonight. No more going out in the cold, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure.” He moves things around so they have couch cushions and chair cushions down. He uses the bed sheets to keep them together and then piles on the blankets with the pillows around them. He helps Steve under the blankets after getting him into a new pair of sweats and then gets in with him. “I think it’s still early. I forgot to look at that clock of yours.”

Steve shrugs. “It’s okay. I don’t really care what time it is anyway and my watch is still upstairs, too.”

Billy lifts himself up on his elbow and watches Steve for a bit, observing the answer to his question in his mind earlier as the firelight makes the shadows of Steve’s face dance a bit. The warm light makes Billy think that this could be a dream and when Steve looks at him then, he can’t bring himself to turn away. He leans in and then stops, looking at Steve for permission. When Steve blushes and smiles slightly, Billy takes that as a green light and closes the distance between them. He kisses the corner of Steve's mouth and then kisses him with more of a want than he’s felt in a very long time. He brings his hand to Steve’s face and licks into the other boy’s mouth. The groan ripped from Steve this time is definitely not fearful and sends a jolt straight to Billy’s cock. He pulls back a little to catch his breath and smiles down at Steve. “Is this for real?”

Steve smiles. “I mean, it’s more real than the game of Life, right?”

Billy laughs. “Yeah, I guess so. I still can’t believe you got saddled with all of those kids. I don’t have to worry about that.”

“Why not?”

Billy arches an eyebrow. “Gay, remember?”

Steve shrugs. “What does that have to do with anything? There are lots of kids who need homes out there.”

There is no humor in Billy’s laugh this time. “Nobody is going to let a couple of queers raise a kid, Harrington.”

Steve sighs. “I would have been better off with two dads or two moms than I am with one of each. If you’re loved, it doesn’t matter who your parents are.”

“Your parents fucked up, but they love you. Right?”

Steve shakes his head. “I wouldn’t know.”

Billy strokes Steve’s wild hair. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget that it’s hard being left alone.”

“Yeah, but at least my dad doesn’t hit me like yours does.”

“Maybe. But my dad is at least honest about the fact that he doesn’t like me. Sometimes I think that I’m not worthy of anyone’s love."

“That’s not true. You… are.” He frowns. “I mean… you were really mean to me when you got here, but I am really glad that you’re like this instead. Sometimes I worry that when this is over and we’re back at school you’re going to treat me like shit again.”

“Do you want me to? I mean… I know we both have reputations and I can’t be kissing you senseless at school. You know that.”

“I do. But what about me? I mean when it’s me and you here alone, it’s different. But if I’m back with everyone again, what if I… I mean what if I feel different?”

Billy ponders that. “You mean what if you’re suddenly not into me because there are girls around?”

Steve shrugs. “Yeah, I mean do you think that could happen?”

Billy smirks. “I’m pretty unforgettable, dude. And I’m certain that you’ve gone officially gay for me.”

Steve sighs and rolls his eyes. “Okay, I get it. Still, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t, pretty boy. At least not intentionally and I know you’re a good guy. If you ever become uncomfortable with this, you just have to tell me. Yeah, I won’t be happy about it, but having any time with you is better than no time at all.”

Steve turns slowly so he can face Billy. He lets out a breath as the pain makes him a little uncomfortable. Once he’s settled he raises his hand and pushes a blonde curl behind Billy’s ear. “I like kissing you.”

Billy smiles that shit-eating grin at him. “Yeah?”

Steve smiles back at him. “Yeah. That a problem?”

Billy shakes his head. “Not at all.” He leans into Steve’s space and kisses him again. After a few moments of them both giving and taking what they need, he kisses Steve’s cheek and then pushes Steve back so he’s more comfortable. He starts kissing Steve’s neck and then moves to his ear, his hot breath grazing Steve. “Tell me if you get uncomfortable at all, okay? Nothing is going to happen that you aren’t alright with.” He sucks Steve’s earlobe into his mouth while his hand rests on Steve’s chest lightly to make sure that he can feel if Steve starts to hyperventilate. He moves to his neck and places light open mouthed kisses across his jaw and then back down his neck until he can lick at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. He hears Steve gasp and moves up to look at him. “You okay?”

Steve nods. “More than okay. I’m just… nervous.”

“Steve, I meant what I said. You say the word and I stop. You won’t upset me or disappoint me. Just being here with you is enough, okay?”

Steve smiles up at him. “I’m still sorry that I’m so jumpy.”

“Don’t be. You’ve been through a lot lately. I appreciate you coming to my rescue and all at my house, but I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a big boy and I can take care of myself _and_ you. And I will. I hate what’s been happening to you the past couple of days. I may not know everything you’ve faced, but the things I do know… I’m not letting anyone hurt you again on my watch, alright?”

Steve nods again and places his hands on Billy’s chest. “I never thought I’d find myself in this position. With a guy. With you. I mean… willingly.”

Billy’s breath catches at that and he’s certain that Steve didn’t catch the slip. Billy holds off on planning any murders at the moment and vows to get more information from Steve about who hurt him later. For now, he just wants to see that blush creep across his face that he likes so much. “You still okay with this?” His voice is strained and he hopes that Steve thinks that it’s from lust and not from the pain of thinking about what Steve has suffered. 

“Yeah, I’m good. I like what you were doing.”

Billy smiles wide and his tongue darts out to lick at his bottom lip and his teeth. “Good to know.” He returns to Steve’s neck with renewed vigor and moves his hand down to Steve’s waist before pushing up and under his sweatshirt. He strokes his stomach, feeling the muscles bunch and release under his fingers. He moves his hand in slow circles until he feels the tension bleeding away. He moves his hand up more and runs his thumb over Steve’s nipple as he lifts up to watch his reaction. Steve arches and moans and Billy is pretty sure he could cum just from that image. He continues his sweet torment, watching him for a bit until he can’t stand it and kisses him again. When Steve is panting next to him, he moves to his ear again. “Can I take your shirt off?”

Steve looks up at him with wide open and trusting eyes and nods. Billy helps him sit up and eases the shirt up and off, along with his own that he threw on earlier. Steve sighs softly and repeats Billy's earlier question back to him. “Is this real?”

“Yeah, princess. Still real.” He hesitates when he looks at Steve’s chest. The bruises are large and painful looking, but Steve doesn’t seem to notice much as he is still looking at Billy like he hung the moon and Billy thinks that look could get him through the worst moments with Neil as long as he has Steve believing that Billy is good and worth his time. He kisses Steve again and once more works his way down the other boy’s neck to his chest. He looks up at Steve, whose eyes are closed against the onslaught of emotions Billy is certain that he’s feeling since Billy is feeling them, too. He licks a quick swipe over a nipple and sees Steve’s eyes snap open as well as his mouth when he gasps in pleasure. Billy does it again and starts paying attention to the way the soft flesh begins to harden and pebble. He moves to the other side and does the same thing. He takes his time on Steve’s chest, wanting to wear the other boy out with lust one small piece at a time. He glances up again. “Good?”

Steve pants and nods. “More than good. Billy… please… please touch me.” 

If Steve was experienced and hadn’t been to hell and back, Billy probably would have made a smartass comment about the fact that he is touching him, but he can’t bring himself to tease Harrington right now and he kisses his way down and kisses as much of his stomach as he can. He whispers softly and tells Steve that he’s beautiful more than he says anything else. When he reaches the waistband of Steve’s sweatpants, he feels his mouth start to water at the thought of getting his lips around Steve’s cock tonight. He sits up and starts to pull Steve’s pants down and that’s when reality crashes right through their haze of pleasure. Billy jumps as Steve’s hand moves fast and snatches up Billy’s wrist in a vice-like grip. He doesn’t say a word and waits for Steve. 

“I don’t… I don’t want to take them off. Please… please don’t.”

Billy takes a breath and pushes away the fright he’d felt when Steve first grabbed him. He leans in again. “Steve, it’s okay. You can let go of me, alright? I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to.” He keeps his gaze as steady and kind as possible until Steve finally lets go. “It’s fine, baby. This should be good for you. Nothing scary. I promise.” He kisses Steve’s lips softly. “You still want me to touch you? Over your sweats or…”

Steve bites on his lower lip. “Under is okay. No… I don’t know.” 

Billy sees the distress and gets comfortable on the cushions before pulling Steve close. “Princess, what you gave me tonight was so good. It was a lot and wow… I mean wow… I think I’m the luckiest guy ever to get you to allow me that much. It was really good.”

Steve looks up at him. “Yeah?”

Billy grins. “Yeah. You ever know me to lie to you if I _don’t_ like something about someone?”

Steve smiles then, the stress and fear dissipating. “Good point.” He snuggles in closer. “You think a week ago that you’d be at my house snuggling in front of a fire?”

“I mean, not really. But isn’t that how life works? The good stuff comes from off to the side and you never expect it, but you’d never wish it away, either.” He looks at Steve and is surprised to see how he seems to be under scrutiny. “What?”

“You’re a fucking poet, you know that?” He smirks. 

Billy rolls his eyes. “Okay, dipshit. Go to sleep. If I need your help with the fire later, I’ll wake you up. But hopefully we’ll be okay with body heat until morning if it goes out and we stay close to each other.”  
Steve nods. “There’s no way I’m letting go of you now.” 

Billy smiles at Steve as the other boy closes his eyes. He keeps him facing him because he doesn’t want him getting scared at feeling someone behind him. He leans his forehead against his until the sound of his breathing deepens and evens out. Billy wonders how he got so lucky that Harrington was standing under that mistletoe that night. He’s certain that without that moment, he wouldn’t be here now. He grins at the memory and the sound Steve makes as he moves even closer, burying his face in Billy’s neck. As Billy starts to drift to sleep, he decides that tomorrow is going to be a fun day for Steve, even if that means he has to build a fucking snowman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are super sweet, but not necessary! I promise to keep writing regardless. :) Also, any glaring continuity issues, please let me know. Sometimes I get things a bit mixed up and I hate that, but I will gladly correct anything that pops up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day snowed in and more fun to be had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some smut in this chapter finally! I hope you enjoy. I apologize for being so late in updating. I really struggled to focus recently, but things are getting much better regarding distractions and I'm working so hard on the chapters I want to write. I'm a bit of a perfectionist at times, but I always miss typos so I apologize in advance.

Dec. 5....

Steve wakes up first and it takes him a moment to remember why his shirt is off and why he’s practically nose to nose with Billy Hargrove. He wiggles a bit as the soreness from his injuries, exacerbated by lying on the floor all night, make his muscles stiff. He remembers what happened the night before and feels the warmth spread up his body and his cock start filling out from the memory of Billy’s mouth on his neck and chest. He gets up slowly and makes his way to the bathroom. He nearly empties his bladder in the living room with as cold as it is. He hurries in and fumbles around in the dark for a bit, finally giving up and cracking open the bathroom door so he can see what he’s doing. Afterward, he rushes back to the nest of blankets and pillows and starts getting the fire started again. He shudders a few times as the chill air grips his arms, back and chest. 

He jumps slightly as he hears movement behind him and, just as the fire catches and begins to grow, he feels Billy’s hands on his shoulders. “Steve? Hey, you’re freezing. And your back…..” 

Steve turns and smiles. “Yeah, well, I had to go to the bathroom so… didn’t have much of a choice but get up. And my back isn’t too bad.” 

Billy looks up and down Steve’s chest, what he can see of it. “Okay, get under these blankets. I’ll be right back.” He sprints up and over to the bathroom while Steve lies back down to watch the fire continue to grow. He smiles as Billy rushes back, his arms wrapped tightly around his middle. “Shit shit shit! It’s fucking cold.” He crawls in with Steve and hauls the other boy against him. “Come on, beautiful. Cuddle up and help me keep warm.”

Steve smiles. “You’re so crazy. Getting warm would be getting up and getting dressed.”

“Nah, I like this better.” He kisses Steve’s shoulder and shudders against his neck. “You’re addictive, you know that?”

Steve feels a stirring in his gut and turns to face Billy again. “This is crazy. I mean… it’s you and me. You’re a guy and I’m… I’m into girls… right?”

Billy smiles. “I’m not a girl.”

Steve feels Billy beginning to harden against his leg and notices how Billy keeps trying to move away from him, probably to avoid frightening him again, Steve thinks. Steve realizes that it’s different in the light. He’s not as unsure and he’s certainly far more interested in exploring than he was last night. He moves his leg, pushing it against the growing hardness Billy is trying to hide. “No. You’re not a girl.”  


Billy sucks in a harsh breath. “Steve… you don’t want to do that. I’m… I’m already turned on just being near you.” 

Steve moves his leg slightly. “You got to touch me last night. I was thinking I could touch you this morning.”

Billy shakes his head. “You don’t have to do that. That’s not what last night was about. I like you more than I thought I would. I guess getting to know someone has its perks.” He leans in and kisses Steve’s lips, enjoying the softness. He moves and adjusts so Steve’s leg is no longer able to rub against him. “I thought you were going to be the person to call me out, to torture me if you found out what I like… _who_ I like. I was wrong.”

If it was anyone else, Steve would have felt rejected by Billy stopping him from touching, but instead he feels protected. “No. You weren’t. I was that guy at one time. I mean… I wish I could say different, but being on top at this stupid popularity high school game… it’s all I had.” He frowns. “I have to be good enough.”

“You _are_ good enough, Harrington.” 

Steve shrugs a shoulder and clearly doesn’t believe him. “You came in and everything fell apart. There’s something about you, you know? Everyone just has to look at you and they know you’re special.”

Billy kisses the corner of Steve’s mouth, hating that the other boy won’t make eye contact anymore and at the tug downward of his lips. “I don’t care about any of that. I think you’re more special than you know. Shit… I really want to kiss you again.”

Steve looks up at him then and smiles softly. “I’d like that a lot.” 

Billy leans in and kisses him, licking gently at his lips until Steve opens up to him. Billy groans at the feel of the slight stubble under his hand as he reaches up to cup Steve’s jaw. He runs a thumb gently over his cheek and is soon plundering his mouth with his tongue, no longer worried about Steve giving him anything. For now, Billy wants Steve to take whatever he needs from Billy. He starts to crush Steve’s chest to his, but remembers his wounds and is gentle instead with his grip. Billy pulls back to catch his breath after a few heart pounding moments and is pleased to see that Steve is looking incredibly blissed out instead of frightened or hesitant. “Steve….” He places another soft kiss to Steve’s lips and then smiles against him. “You really are incredible.” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Man, you’re going to inflate my ego to the point that I’m not going to be able to fit my head through a door.” He snuggles closer. “I should check the furnace soon. I’m starting to get worried.”

Billy wraps his arms a bit tighter around the other boy and maneuvers him so that he can rest his chin on stop of Steve’s head. “Besides housework stuff, what else do you want to do today? I was thinking we could go outside and mess around. Or we can play more board games.”

Steve pulls the blanket up even more to cover both of them. “I think we should play it by ear. For now, with the fire going strong, I vote for more body heat sharing time.”

Billy smirks. “Alright, princess. Your wish is my command.”

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

Billy opens his eyes much later and yawns, his arms still around Steve, who is still asleep judging by the slightly wet spot on Billy’s chest from a bit of drool. Billy would usually be disgusted, but this was too cute to be anything but endearing. Billy takes the moment to stroke Steve’s hair. He has to admit that whatever product he uses leaves his hair incredibly soft and Billy thinks he could sit and run his fingers through it all day. Not knowing what time it is, is really bugging him, but he decides to make it a point to check out Steve’s battery operated clock upstairs at some point in the day. 

He runs through a mental list of things he wants to do this summer and that list is a bit more complicated now as he starts to include Steve in on his plans. He hopes the other boy will be willing to do some things with him, even if they’re only friends. 

_Friends. Can that even happen now?_

The thought hits Billy out of the blue and he immediately scolds himself. He had told Steve that it was okay and that he didn’t have to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. He told Steve that if he decides to stick with girls after this week, he wouldn’t hold any hard feelings. Billy sighs. Figures he would make promises that he couldn’t keep. It’s kind of his thing. Billy vows to suck it up and do what’s right, though. He’s going to make sure Steve is comfortable and guilt free, regardless of what happens in their relationship. Even if it kills him. 

Billy is pulled out of his morbid thoughts by Steve shifting around and settling on stretching like an oversized cat. Billy rubs his hand gently over Steve’s side and is rewarded with a lazy smile followed by those big brown eyes opening and looking straight at him. “Steve, the sleeping beauty of Hawkins, huh? Who knew?”

Steve huffs out a laugh. “Man, you’ve gotta stop calling me all of these pet names. I’m going to end up wearing glass slippers to prom at this rate.”

Billy pulls a face. “Hey, I might be gay, but I prefer my men…. manly…”

Steve laughs again, but this one is more from shock. “Wait, you want manly gay men only? I mean… that’s not really me.”

“Shutup. You’re manly. I mean, not as manly as me, but you’ll do.” He gasps as Steve starts tickling him and he attempts to get revenge, but one quick hiss of pain from Steve and he stops. Steve does not.  
“Hey! That’s not fair!”

“Life isn’t fair.”

The two of them enjoy a few more minutes of one sided wrestling and joking around before Steve goes into “responsible adult mode.” He pushes Billy to get up and walks him through the steps of checking the house. The first thing he does is turn on a light and practically jumps up and down when it turns on. Before Billy knows it, he’s following Steve as the brunette turns things on and plugs things in. 

By the time Steve has everything up to his standards and has managed to turn the heat back on without serious physical injury, he allows himself to shiver with the still very cold air. “It might take a few minutes, but I’m thinking a hot shower would be nice.”

Billy shrugs. “I mean yeah, but.. how about some outside time first? I haven’t had much time to play in this white fluff that you Midwesterners like so much.”

Steve grins. “Oh yeah! God, we really haven’t done much, have we? And your first snow should be special. Alright, let’s get ready and we’ll head out. Bundle up, though.” 

The boys prepare for their day, each practically inhaling some cereal before racing to beat the other outside. When they finally do get out, Steve moans. “What is this shit?”

Billy frowns. “What’s wrong?”

Steve sighs. “Well, it’s snow, but there’s a little bit of ice over the top and that makes it kind of crunchy. The good stuff is underneath.”

“So… let’s do something with it. I want to have some fun.” Billy starts kicking some of the top layer off the snow to get at the softer, but still firm, snow underneath. 

Steve finds an area that isn’t impacted nearly as much as the rest and starts trying to roll a ball. He starts to get winded just as Billy walks over. 

“So, pretty boy, what are you trying to do?”

“I’m trying to build you your first snowman and I’ve only got enough for half of his head!”

Billy laughs. “Okay, well I think your expectations are a little unrealistic for the amount of non-icy snow over here. Why don’t we go for something on a smaller scale?” He sits down right in the snow and Steve shakes his head at the thought of how cold and wet Billy is going to feel when he stands up. 

“Alright. Small scale. What does that mean exactly? We’re talking about a snowman.” Steve arches in eyebrow at him in amusement. 

“Watch and learn, Princess Steve. Watch and learn.” He starts to gather up the snow and makes a fairly small ball, maybe twice the size of a good solid snowball. He starts rolling another one, this time a little smaller and places it on top. 

Steve gets the idea quickly and starts doing the same. Within a few minutes, they both have a miniature snowman in front of them with no features and only bodies, but Billy is grinning like he just sculpted the coolest thing in the world. 

Steve watches Billy’s face light up and wants to lean in and kiss him, but he knows that it would take away the wonder in Billy’s eyes and while Billy would be more than happy to enjoy kissing Steve, the brunette prefers to let Billy bask in the glow of a normal childhood for a bit longer. 

Steve’s next idea of a snow fort was an awful one and Billy ends up glaring at Steve for what he calls his “complete lack of imagination and architectural knowledge.” Steve manages not to laugh at Billy’s small and harmless tantrum, but Billy seems to realize that he’s being made fun of, if only in Steve’s head. He takes his newfound knowledge of snow and puts it to use and lets a snowball fly, nailing Steve right in the chest. 

It’s like time stops as Steve looks at Billy. The tension seems to be thick, but then Steve smirks. “You’re dead, Hargrove!” He runs behind a tree and scoops up more of the softer snow and the boys start lobbing snowballs at the other, hitting often, but never in very interesting places. They are both exhausted by the time Steve throws his last snowball. But Billy had already stopped, thinking that they were done. Steve comes from behind the tree in a flash, having no clue that Billy is even walking toward him. The snowball is already on its way before Steve can even gasp in shock to see Billy so close. The snowball hits Billy square in the face and Billy spins and drops to his knees, facing away from Steve. 

Steve rushes over and hits his knees next to Billy, who has his hands to his face, not covering it completely, but definitely shielding it from Steve’s gaze. “Billy? Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you were stopping. I should have known or checked. Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I know that snowballs sting when you’re twice that distance away so… Dammit, Billy. I’m so sorry. Please talk to me.”

Billy’s world had narrowed so suddenly that his head is still spinning. He was laughing and having fun and had walked over to make sure Steve was okay. With as tired as Billy felt, he was pretty certain that Steve might need a little help getting inside with his injuries still pretty fresh. He hadn’t expected Steve to jump out at him and for pain to explode across his face. It was so similar to his childhood, but he never lets his guard down anymore. This time he does and the shock of it slammed him backward right into every childhood memory he keeps buried to keep him sane. Now he’s on his knees in the snow and Harrington is next to him talking a mile a minute he snaps. “Get the fuck away from me!” He shoves Steve hard, not caring about his injuries. 

Steve grunts as he falls to the side, but he gets up quickly, not feeling any soreness as his focus is completely on Billy. “No. You’re not pushing me away. Billy… Billy I’m so sorry.”

Billy shakes his head and his thoughts race. _Don’t look him in the eye. Keep your head down. Don’t talk unless talked to, except when you’re expected to like entering a room or… no, wait… keep your head down. But don’t ignore him. He’ll think you’re too good to talk to him. But don’t talk to him often. He’ll see you. Once he sees you, he’ll find a reason to hurt you. He’ll find a reason to tell you why you’re not good enough. Because you’re not good enough. You’ve never been good enough. You’re a faggot and you’re condemning the Harrington boy to hell with your perversions. Agree with him so he doesn’t have a reason to hit you. He likes being right. Wait, disagree with him so he’ll think he got under your skin. Maybe then he won’t hit you. Tell him you love him. But if he thinks you’re being sarcastic then he’ll hit you. But if you don’t tell him, you’re being disrespectful. What is wrong with you? You never tell him that because he never tells you, either. He doesn’t love you. He hates you. But then why does he work so hard to make sure you’re responsible and respectful. What’s the end game? When does it end? It’s never going to end._

Steve watches as Billy starts breathing harshly and his hands curl more as if he’s pressing against his ears to stop hearing something that is probably only in his head. He worries a little for his own safety as he reaches for him again, but he doesn’t care because Billy is freaking out and he’s going to be there for him whether Billy pushes him away or not. He places his hand on Billy’s back, between his shoulder blades and rubs firmly in circles to be felt over the layers of clothing. His other hand gently circles Billy’s wrist to pull his hand away from his ear. “Billy… baby…. I’m here. I’m right here.”

Billy feels the pressure on his back and on his wrist, but he’s too lost in his own thoughts at that point to care. But when Steve speaks to him, when he hears the words spoken to him in kindness and concern, he thinks of his mom and wonders not for the first time if she would have stayed with his dad through the years and if she would have come into his room after his dad got pissed and said the right things, but not done anything about it. It doesn’t matter, though. She’s gone. And Steve is here. And Steve _did_ something about it. Billy beat the shit out of him, teased him, humiliated him, and talked down to him for no reason other than to become popular and Steve helped him anyway. Steve Harrington is nicer to him than his own fucking father. And Billy had treated him like shit with no way to get out of it. Billy was to Steve what Neil is to Billy. The thought terrifies Billy. He doesn’t want to be his father. And just like Billy would be rebuffed and punished for showing weakness in front of his father, the same reaction would make Steve think that Billy is the strongest person he knows. And that is what gives Billy the strength to turn and bury his face in Steve’s neck, letting Steve wrap his arms around his shoulders and pull him in to a more protective embrace. He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Steve begs him not to. 

Steve is surprised when Billy turns to him, but he’s thrilled also. He knows that Billy struggles with being vulnerable and he admires the hell out of how strong Billy is to give in to it and trust Steve in that moment. Doing something like that while being so scared… Steve doesn’t know if even facing the demodogs is braver than that. He holds Billy for a bit and hates hearing him cry. “Baby please don’t cry. I promise I’m not going anywhere. I’ll keep you safe. I promise, Billy. I’m so sorry.” After a few more minutes, Steve places a kiss to Billy’s cheek. “You think you can get inside? I want to get you warmed up.”

Billy nods and vaguely registers that Steve lets go of him to stand and then pulls Billy up with him. He walks numbly into the house and allows Steve to lead him upstairs to Steve’s bedroom. He’s not sure if the house is warm or just warmer than it is outside. As Steve pushes him back onto the bed so he can get his boots off, Billy’s eyes slide to him. “What’s wrong with me?”

Steve frowns and studies Billy’s face, wincing at the redness he sees there from the snowball. “What do you mean? Are you having trouble seeing or something? Did I get something in your eye?”

“What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t he love me? What did I do?” He averts his eyes to look at the ceiling. “I don’t remember being a bad kid, you know? I think I had good manners once. I think I was good. What happened? What’s wrong with me? Why couldn’t I stay good?”

Steve shrugs off his own coat and crawls up over Billy, settling with his knees on either side of Billy’s waist. He cups Billy’s face in his hands. “Nothing is wrong with you. Nothing. You’re perfect. It’s your father. There’s something wrong with him, Billy. That’s the only explanation for why he treated someone so amazing in such an awful way. You deserve to be treated like you’re fucking breathtaking. And you are.” He leans in and kisses Billy softly. He doesn’t deepen the kiss, but instead moves and kisses Billy’s cheeks, temples, and forehead. “Let me take care of you?”

Billy looks up at him and then nods, willing to trust him with his body and maybe one day more. Either way, he has to start somewhere if he wants to be the person that Steve thinks he is. Billy continues to watch as Steve gets off of him and starts to undress him. 

Steve unzips Billy’s coat and has Billy sit up a bit to get that off and then stay that way so he can pull off the sweatshirt and two t-shirts he had insisted that Billy wear in the cold. When his chest is laid bare, Steve leans in and licks one perfect nipple. He doesn’t stop there, though, and swirls his tongue around the nub before pressing in to suck gently. When Billy’s hand fists in his hair, he doesn’t even mind the tug of pain and smiles against the other boy’s skin. He moves to the other nipple, relishing in the taste of salt and something that is pure _Billy_. Smoke and sweat and old cologne and all of it is just for Steve. Deep down, he knows that Steve is the only person to really see Billy like this, letting himself be cared for. He sits up and looks down at Billy, bringing his hand down to kiss at the palm and suck his thumb into his mouth. 

Billy’s eyes close as the pleasure surges through him and his cock gives an interested jerk. He arches his back and moans wantonly, not sure when he’s ever been in the position where he’s the one receiving all the pleasure. He worries for a quick second about Steve doing something that makes him uncomfortable, but then thinks that maybe Steve being in complete control is exactly the way to do this for now. Billy is always in control so this is all new for him and he’s willing to explore it if Steve is. He opens his eyes again and watches as Steve continues to suck on his thumb and then his index finger. Steve’s eyes are wide open and staring at Billy’s face and Billy can feel his face heat up under the look of desire Steve is shooting him. 

Steve kisses Billy’s palm again and then gets off the bed and pulls off the boots before tugging on the two pairs of socks and tossing them in the corner. He goes into the bathroom and brings out one of the heavier towels and gets to work on rubbing some warmth into Billy’s feet. He’s gentle and smiles at the small moans of pleasure coming from Billy. Once he’s satisfied that Billy’s feet are dry enough, he grabs a blanket and drapes it over Billy’s chest to continue keeping him warm. He pulls at the sweats next and the pajama bottoms he had asked Billy to keep on to give him more layers. He’s not surprised to see that Billy isn’t wearing underwear, but the image stops him suddenly. It’s different seeing him here like this and not in the showers. He sets out drying him with yet another towel. Something about touching Billy with a towel used for feet seems wrong to him and Billy is definitely worth some extra laundry. He glances up at Billy again and sees the other boy has his eyes closed again, eating up the pleasure of Steve’s care. 

He takes a deep breath and remembers that this is about Billy and not his own comfort. Surprisingly, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal when he considers Billy’s needs and desires. He leans in, nervous, and gives a gentle lick to the tip of Billy’s dick, hoping that he doesn’t annoy Billy with his inexperience. But then again, he’s had his dick sucked before so he figures that he can use that experience to help him out. 

Billy’s eyes shoot open as Steve licks at him. He gets up on his elbows and his hand goes to Steve’s hair and tugs. “Steve… Steve no… you don’t have to-“

“I want to.” He looks at Billy and smiles softly. “Trust me. I’ll trust you, too.” He leans down and places a kiss to Billy’s thigh, keeping his eyes on Billy’s. 

Billy feels the tears well up and the grip on Steve’s hair turns into a caress. “Okay… okay, Steve, but you don’t have anything to prove so whatever you’re good with is good for me, too.” He moves a bit to get his elbows under him so he can watch Steve, not for any pleasure, but so he can make sure Steve stops if he gets upset at all. He doesn’t want to be inattentive right now. He cares way too much about the boy worshipping him with his mouth. As the blanket over his chest slips away, Billy is aware that he’s completely naked while Steve is very much dressed. That’s even more of a turn on for him. Watching Steve try to figure out what to do with Billy’s cock isn’t so much amusing as it is endearing. “Steve, everything you do is going to be perfect. I promise.”

Steve takes the encouragement as it’s meant and takes a deep breath before pulling at Billy’s dick a few times before swallowing it down. He almost immediately pulls back and coughs, not prepared for the way his gag reflex shot to the forefront. 

“Shhh… Steve, it’s okay. You can’t just go at it like that. You’re new to this. We can stop, baby.”

“No. I need to practice.” He slowly takes Billy into his mouth this time and once he’s comfortable, he begins moving his tongue lazily against the flesh, tonguing hard on the vein underneath. The hiss of air that escapes Billy’s lips pushes Steve to continue and soon he is moving his head up and down over Billy, feeling a coil of pleasure beginning in his stomach. 

Billy can’t even comprehend the unspoken promises in Steve’s words. Needing to practice…. Billy assumes he means for him and the thoughts of Steve with other men makes jealousy rear its head and Billy growls slightly, but that is immediately drowned out by his moan. When Steve’s hands go to his balls, gently rolling them and applying some pressure, Billy is certain that he’s lost the ability to speak. He tries to stop himself, but soon he’s thrusting into Steve’s mouth. He looks down and Steve seems to be trying to keep up with Billy’s movements. Billy takes pity and places his hand on Steve’s head again, guiding him into the rhythm that his hips have set. He bends his knees, placing his feet flat on the bed to give him more leverage. “Shit, Steve you feel so good. Oh God baby…. Like that.” He looks down to see Steve looking up at him, clearly freaked out but also determined. “Steve…”

Steve can read the face Billy is pulling and knows that he’s recognized the fear on his face. It’s true. Steve is frightened. The truth is that he had been thinking about how he doesn’t have any experience, but then the memories started again and he knows that he has a lot of experience. He wonders why he didn’t consider that when he thought of the act earlier. He certainly hasn’t forgotten what was done to him. But maybe because this is Billy and there is nothing even close to similar about this situation when comparing it to his past. It doesn’t even fall in the same reality as far as Steve is concerned. He makes up his mind that he’s going to try swallowing when Billy finally climaxes. He’s had a girl or two do that to him and he always thinks it’s a little gross, but thinking about Billy swallowing him down is toe curling enough to want to give it a try. He rubs a hand over Billy’s stomach, ignoring the hand trying to pull him off. He sees Billy’s concern and moans, pushing down more and trying to take all of Billy in. He’s impressed with Billy’s girth. He’s a little bit longer than Billy, but the thickness is unreal and Steve thinks about whether they will ever take things to the next step. Before he can get too far in that line of thought, Billy starts really pulling at his hair. 

“Steve… God, I’m close. Please Steve, you have to move… you have to get off of me…” He’s telling Steve to stop and slow down but his body has other plans and his hips move at a frantic pace and his hand to tighten even more, carried by the wave of the impending climax and causing his cock to piston into Steve’s mouth. “Oh shit… I’m coming…. I’m coming…”

Steve’s eyes start to water as Billy’s pull at his hair turns into a push as the speed increases. Steve reminds himself over and over again that this is Billy and when he’s slammed onto Billy’s cock fully when Billy climaxes, he’s half terrified and have flattered that he managed to get Billy off so hard. When his mouth fills, he does everything he can to swallow, but Billy’s dick is clogging up his throat and he ends up choking and gagging. He pulls off as quickly as he can, not wanting to alarm Billy, and most of the liquid spills out of his mouth and onto Billy’s skin. Once he’s clear, he turns around and coughs a few times, a little embarrassed. _Wow, I must look sexy as hell now…._ He tries not to roll his eyes at his own thought, but his eyes are actually burning and he knows that tears are slipping out. He feels like a complete and utter failure at his first venture into gay sex. 

Billy is up as soon as he can after the mind blowing orgasm that Steve just gave him. He’s not naïve. He knows that he’s big and he knows that Steve could in no way take him down as far as he did comfortably. He heard Steve choking and wanted to do more to help, but his orgasm was on him then and cognitive abilities flew out the window. But now that he’s feeling quite blissful, his thoughts turn to Steve. He still can’t believe that Steve didn’t stomp away from him when he got shoved outside. He still can’t believe that Steve took such good care of him and that Billy let him. He scoots over so he’s sitting next to Steve and pulls so Steve is facing him. “Hey… you okay?” He wipes Steve’s tears. “A bit too much for you? It’s really alright. I knew you weren’t ready for that much.” 

Steve shakes his head. “I liked it. I just wish I could have done a better job.”

“Whoa… wait, what? Princess, um… that was seriously the hottest blowjob I’ve ever had. That was… I mean wow….”

Steve frowns and looks at Billy, trying to see deception in his face. “Come on… I had no clue what I was doing.”

“That’s what made it hot. You were only focused on giving me pleasure, not impressing me. And you _cared_ about me feeling good. That was amazing.” He leans in and kisses Steve’s lips carefully so as not to spook the other boy into thinking he wants more. “You did so good.”

Steve seems to open up then, and Billy can clearly see the need there and Billy thinks, not for the first time, that Steve probably doesn’t think he’s good enough for anyone either. “Really?”

Billy nods. “So so good, Steve. Shit, I want to do something for you, too, but… I know that you didn’t do that to get anything out of it. Trust me, when I make you scream my name, my only thought is going to be making you feel as important as you just made me feel.” 

Steve smiles then, pleased that he was able to give that to Billy. “Promises promises…” He winks. “Ready for a warm bath?”

“You joining me?”

Steve shrugs. “I suppose. Since you asked so nicely.”

Billy smiles and looks Steve up and down. “You got way too many clothes on for that, though.”

Steve smirks. “You go in to my parents’ bathroom. I’ll be in.”

“Yeah?” Billy reaches out and rubs Steve’s back. “You can shower alone if you want. I really do understand.”

Steve lets out a sigh of relief. He really does want a moment on his own after that. “Seriously? I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to be around you or I didn’t like it.” 

“Steve… it’s okay. I told you that anything you give me is good enough. Take a nice long shower and I’ll do the same. Then we’ll figure out some food, okay?”

Steve nods. “Thanks, Billy.” He looks at the other boy and smiles. “I hope you know how important you are. I don’t care what you think about yourself. I don’t care what shit other people put in your head. I’m telling you… I’m swearing to you… _You_ are a fucking dream come true.”

Billy kisses Steve again, deepening it this time. “You’re going to end up making me blush, pretty boy.” He stands. “Get that shower. Take your time and if I’m out before you, I’ll cook.” He wiggles his eyebrows. 

“Uh… that sounds like an adventure….” He smiles and gets up, going into his bathroom. 

Billy grabs the two towels on the floor and goes down the hall to the other bathroom to do the same. He’s not sure what’s happening to him, but the idea of what happened to Steve in the past keeps coming to him and he can’t imagine anyone taking advantage of someone so kind and trusting. What Steve gave to him willingly, others took from him. Billy clenches his fists and reminds himself that going to prison is not anything that Steve would want. Regardless, Billy promises himself that somehow he will make whoever hurt Steve pay. He gets into the shower and lets the warm water comfort him. He decides to do what he can to pamper Steve for the rest of the day, including sharing more about his father. Maybe it’s time he opens up to someone and who better than the sexy Steve Harrington. Billy smiles and begins to look forward to being even more vulnerable with someone. No, he thinks, that's not true. He's looking forward to being more vulnerable with _Steve_ for as long as the other boy will have him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the snowed in story that I'm enjoying so much. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for being away for so long. I've had a lot of personal tragedy in my life over the last few weeks and I'm getting that squared away. Being there for people I love had to take priority and I didn't have any time to write. I'm going to be updating my other works soon now that things are settling. Just don't give up on me. :)

Dec 5 cont…..

When Steve gets out of the shower, he smells something and isn’t sure what it is. His mouth is watering a bit and he carefully makes his way downstairs after throwing on some boxers and a t-shirt. He looks around the side of the stairs into the kitchen and smiles when he sees Billy fumbling around with one of the recipe books from under the sink. He realizes the smell is coming from the cut up chicken breasts and onions sizzling on the stove. He continues to walk downstairs and clears his throat, smiling when Billy turns. “What are you doing in here?”

Billy smirks. “You’ll have to wait and see, but I found something that looks stupidly good so… I’m gonna try it. You have everything you need in here so I thought I might as well use the chicken since it is probably closer to going bad. Or not. I guess it was pretty cold in here.”

Steve stares at Billy in wonderment and walks up to him and kisses him gently. “Anything you make is going to be good. You’re pretty amazing.” He kisses him again, deepening it, but still keeping it gentle. Billy turns fully and wraps his arms around Steve, not sure how this is going to end as he’s also wearing a pair of Steve’s boxers at the moment. Steve’s arms come up to wrap more soundly around Billy until they’re practically a part of each other. 

The clearing of a throat makes them break apart in shock and they stare at the entry way to see Hopper blushing and looking at the ceiling. “Uh… you boys look to be okay so… I can, um… I mean I’ll check the heater!” He seems angry, but Steve knows he’s just embarrassed. 

Steve turns to Billy and laughs. “Well, that’s one way to out myself.”

Billy studies Steve then. “Out yourself?”

Steve shrugs. “Yeah. I’m pretty firm on being gay for you.”

Billy wiggles his eyebrow and stares pointedly at Steve’s crotch. “I mean… firm is the right word for it.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “I’m going to go check the furnace with Hopper.” He runs to find Hopper and then wraps his arms around himself, suddenly realizing his state of undress. “Hopper…”

“Don’t, kid.” He sighs. “Look, I don’t really care what you do, but you know his old man. And fuck, you know your old man.”

Steve looks down and shifts from foot to foot. “Billy doesn’t need to know shit about my dad.” He shrugs. “Nothing to know anyway.”

Hopper stands and looks at Steve. “Kid, you know how many times I got called out here for a disturbance that turned into nothing? I get here and you’re sitting on the couch with not a mark on you, but you’re crying like a madman and the only way that happens is if your parents are telling you that you’re fucking worthless. Tell me I’m wrong.” 

Steve huffs out a harsh laugh. “You’re not wrong. But fuck, it isn’t like _they_ were wrong. I’m nothing special, Hop. Just another kid who’s never gonna make it out of fucking Hawkins.” He frowns and looks up at the older man. “I didn’t mean-“

Hopper waves off the apology. “I know that. And I’d love for you to have more, but you know you have friends here if you ever want to stay. But, Steve, Billy ain’t staying. You know damn well he’s out of here as soon as he can swing it. I know that he kissed you at the party and I know he’s into boys, but… you don’t have to be a distraction for him. You deserve more.”

Steve’s lower lip trembles because it’s a thought he’s had once or twice and Hopper is attempting to confirm his fear to him. “You think that’s what I am? A distraction?”

Hopper sees the lip start going and swears under his breath. “Hell, I don’t know. I hope not, but maybe it’s better if you are. Your dad isn’t a nice guy on the best of days and your mom… well she’s not much better. I don’t want you losing everything for this guy and then have him walk away from you.”

Steve nods. “I hear you.”

Hopper frowns. “Look, you know that this is gonna be hell for you two, right? Your parents, the school. Fuck, the kids will go nuts to protect you…”

Steve pulls in on himself a little more. “I’m sorry. I don’t want people thinking I would hurt the kids.”

Hopper shakes his head. “Nobody in their right mind would think you would hurt those kids. And don’t be sorry. _I’m_ sorry that you live in a world where people can’t just let other people be who they are. I just… I just don’t want to see you hurt.”

Steve laughs, but it comes out as more of a sob. “Yeah, well… I guess.” He seems to sense when Hopper reaches for him and he jerks away. “I have to… I have to go to the bathroom.” He practically runs out of the room and heads right past Billy, who starts asking about something with dinner. 

Billy turns off the stove and looks to where Steve has fled and clenches his fists before he turns to give Hopper a piece of his mind. He’s startled to see the man standing close to him, having followed Steve. 

Billy growls low in his throat. “What the fuck did you say to him?”

Hopper shakes his head. “Nothing that’s not true, Hargrove. What I walked in on? That can’t happen in front of certain people and I know that you know that.”

Billy frowns. “Nobody who knows we’re here would care!”

“Billy, I came over here in my truck…”

Billy stares at him, uncomprehending for a moment and then his eyes widen in shock. “The roads are clearing.” 

Hopper nods. “I don’t think your dad is stupid enough to track you down, but keep that goddamn door locked next time. And stay away from the windows, alright? And try to remember that Steve isn’t the only person who lives here. You need to make sure that the Harringtons haven’t decided to come home early.” He sighs. “And I know you’re not the asshole you try to convince people you are, but be honest with me. Is this just something to keep you busy until you get out of here? Because Steve doesn’t deserve that.”

Billy stands up straighter. “I plan on getting out of here. But right now I want to take him with me if he lets me. And if he won’t….” He considers it. “I don’t know. I think I could get to a place where I’d be willing to stay, but…”

Hopper smiles sadly. “But he would never let you do that for him.”

Billy nods. “Exactly. You say that he doesn’t deserve to get hurt, but what you don’t understand is that I don’t deserve _him_. He’s a good guy. Better than I’ve ever met before. And he’s really been through some stuff. I can’t get into it, but if the day comes where I have to leave him, I’ll tell someone. It’s not something I want him to carry on his own. Ever.”

Hopper takes a deep breath. He trusts Steve, but he also knows that the boy has a big heart and is way too trusting for his own good. He hopes that doesn’t mean that he spilled everything about the Upside Down. “What did he tell you? If you can’t tell me everything, I need to know something just to… just to make sure that I’m not getting the wrong idea.”

Billy studies the other man. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Hopper tries to find the right words. “Look, there are some things that Steve has helped me with and it’s not something that he can share. It’s confidential and-“

Billy waves the concern away. “Nothing like that. This has to do with him only and some shit he dealt with when he was a kid.”

Hopper sighs in relief, but then realizes what Billy said. “What the fuck did he have to deal with?”

Billy takes a step back at the venom in the older man’s voice. “Whoa… hey, I can’t tell you that. Confidential, right?”

Hopper blows out air through his lips. “Fuck… yeah, fine.” He looks around. “Place seems warmer and there’s nothing wrong with the unit. I’m gonna go, but those roads _are_ looking a little better. My truck is a bit of a beast so most people won’t risk them, but still… this snow won’t last forever. I can make excuses for awhile, but I’m going to have to take you back on Sunday at the latest.”

Billy frowns. “What’s today?”

“Wednesday.”

Billy takes a deep breath and nods. “Okay… okay, Sunday.” He watches Hopper leave and then locks the door and runs up the stairs to find Steve. The bedroom door is closed and he opens it softly, not surprised to find all the lights on. “Steve?”

Steve is lying on his stomach and holding his pillow. He looks up from the bed after rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah, just wanted to lie down for a bit.”

Billy rolls his eyes because Steve was clearly crying. He walks over and sits next to Steve’s hip. He runs a hand over his back gently. “Come on. Don’t lie to me. We’re in a good place."

Steve stays silent for so long that Billy starts to wonder if he’s fallen asleep. “Billy?”

Billy smiles at the softness of Steve’s voice. “Yeah, princess?”

Steve turns around. “Do you really like me or…. Or is this just… Am I just the only guy that…” 

Billy takes a deep breath. “You want to know if I’m settling for you because there aren’t really any guys around here like me…”

“Yeah. I mean… are you?”

Billy shakes his head. “Are _you_?”

Steve shakes his head, too. “No.” He sits up and gets to his knees, facing Billy. “No.” 

Billy turns and pulls up to his knees, also, before running one hand up and down Steve’s arm while the other cups Steve’s head gently. “I’m not going to ignore you at school. I can’t anymore.” He leans in and kisses him softly on the lips before moving down his neck and then coming back up to suck on his earlobe. “You’re gorgeous, you know that?”

Steve moans and grips Billy’s shoulders. “You’re gonna spoil me.”

Billy sits up and smiles at him. “Oh…. Stevie… I’m gonna _wreck_ you one of these days.” He kisses the tip of his nose. “But I’ve worked way too hard on dinner. So you come down when you’re ready, alright?” He gets off the bed. 

Steve stares after him. “Really? You kiss me like that and now you’re going to make dinner?”

Billy smirks. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

Steve rolls his eyes and throws a pillow at Billy. “Pretty sure it’s through his cock, but alright.” 

Billy laughs as he catches the pillow aimed at his head. “Just get downstairs.” He heads down and starts in on dinner again. He listens as Steve eventually comes downstairs and hears the boy come up behind him. He turns and smirks so Steve knows that Billy is aware of him. As Steve’s arms come around him from behind, he leans back into him a bit. “You alright?”

Steve nuzzles his face a little into the crook of Billy’s neck. “Now that I’m here, yeah.”

Billy checks the food and decides that it’s ready to simmer and turns again. “Come with me.” He takes Steve’s hand and walks him over to the couch. He sits and pulls Steve on top of him so he’s between Steve’s legs. “I need to tell you something…. Hopper said that the streets are clearing and… I have to leave on Sunday. It’s apparently Wednesday now, but I want you to know that there is no time limit on what we do or when because I’m not going anywhere, okay?” 

Steve nods. “Promise?”

Billy smiles. “This time? Yeah, I think when it comes to you I can start making promises.”

Steve starts to get up, but then Billy grips his hips. “I mean… we have some time.” He pushes up, allowing his dick to grind against Steve’s ass. And then he sees the fear. He isn’t even sure if he can call it fear. It’s as if Steve has just gathered all of his energy not to scream. Billy pulls Steve down to him and then turns so they’re both on their sides leaning on the couch. He strokes Steve’s neck until the other boy’s breathing evens out. “Steve, it’s me, okay? I’m not going to hurt you. He rests his forehead against Steve’s and continues with the soft caress. 

Steve sighs, frustrated. “You think I’m ever going to be able to get closer to you like this? It’s like… sometimes it’s like they’re still in the fucking room.” He looks around briefly. “Everything is tainted. Even this fucking couch.”

Billy sits up and pulls Steve with him. “I’m not going to give you a load of bullshit about making new memories or some shit. This is your call. You get to decide where you want to do things and how far you want to go. I’m not expecting any more than what you give me, okay?” He kisses him again. “Food?”

Steve smiles and nods. “Yeah, I think that would help and then… maybe an early night?”

“You want to stay down here?”

Steve shakes his head. “Do you mind if I… like maybe if I sleep alone? Just for tonight?”

Billy strokes Steve’s hair back from his face. “I don’t mind. You do what you need to do and I’ll be right nearby if you need me.”

The two get settled with dinner and Billy notices that Steve isn’t talking much at all, not compared to how much he usually does. Billy lets Steve take the lead and smiles at him encouragingly throughout the meal. Once or twice, they’ll dip their toes into a conversation about the snow or the holidays, but Steve’s defenses have gone up a bit and Billy isn’t sure why. One thing he’s certain of is that it’s not him that caused the change in Steve’s demeanor. 

Billy waves Steve off to bed while he cleans up with the promise of heading up to Steve’s parents’ room to sleep within the next two hours. Each time he hears a sound, he stops and listens. Billy refuses to let Steve go through a nightmare alone just because they’re not sleeping next to each other. Truthfully, Billy is grateful that Steve wanted to be apart tonight. He needs a little space, too, and doesn’t want to get so caught up in Steve that he forgets how to be on his own. After all, this little vacation is going to come to an end in a couple of days and he has to be able to function. 

Once everything is put away and cleaned up, Billy sits down on the couch and stretches, his muscles still a bit achy from the adventures of the week. It’s then that the realization hits him. Steve had mentioned how everything was tainted, including the couch. Billy mentally kicks himself as he realizes that Steve had been having a response to the shit he went through in the room and that had caused him to hide his emotions a bit. Billy is glad that he said the things he did to Steve, but he knows that he can’t fight these demons for the brunette since Billy doesn’t know any details. He’s not going to push it, though. He’s not going to beg Steve to share something that so clearly has a strong negative impact on him still. 

He gets up and grabs a glass of water before heading upstairs. He goes through his nighttime routine and then crawls into bed. He turns all the lights out and sees that Steve’s bedroom light is still on. He doesn’t judge as he knows that sometimes Steve gets panicky in the dark. He finds that as much as he likes sleeping near Steve, there’s something kind of comforting about sleeping alone and knowing the other boy is nearby and safe. He barely gets a chance to think too hard on it before he’s asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More smut! Billy and Steve wake up the next day and have a pretty intense morning. Emotions run high and promises are made and rejected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE know that none of my stories have been abandoned. I have a lot of chaos (happy stuff) in my house and there is rarely time that I can sit down and write uninterrupted. My fics mean a LOT to me and I refuse to half ass them. If I can't sink myself into the zone where I can be creative, I don't create. I'm sensitive to criticism sometimes because of that. What you get is really everything that I can give. I end up pretty raw after writing and exhausted. It's like an intense exercise regimen for me. :) I have a ton of one-shots, too, but I'm trying to focus my attention on the two WIPs right now. If it becomes too much, I'll toss in a one-shot or two as I'm working through the other ones. If anyone wants to send me prompts, feel free to do so in the comments. That's always fun for me. I have a tumblr, but I have NO clue how to use it. Yup... I'm totally serious. LOL

Dec. 6…

Billy comes awake slowly and looks around at the room he’s in. He shivers as he’s waking up alone for the first time in days. He sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He heads into the bathroom for a quick rinse and to freshen up a bit. He pads barefooted over to Steve’s room and is about to knock when the door opens. Steve stares at him as if he’s not sure Billy is there, his hair still dripping slightly from an early morning shower. 

Billy studies the other boy intently. “Steve?” He reaches out and presses his palm to Steve’s jawbone to try to reach him, but Steve’s eyes appear to laser focus on Billy immediately at the touch and he leans into the warmth of Billy’s hand. They continue to look at each other, the sound of their breathing the only thing reminding them both that they’re caught in this moment. 

As if a switch was flipped, both of them move forward and press their lips to the other’s. Billy deepens it before Steve can think clearly enough to do so, the minty taste of toothpaste shared between them. Billy wouldn’t have cared if Steve had the funkiest morning breath because having this moment is far more important than anything so insignificant. They clutch at each other as if to physically pull the other into themselves. Billy walks them backward into Steve’s room and to the bed until the brunette’s legs hit the edge. 

Billy pushes Steve back on the bed and moves to kiss at Steve’s neck. He nips the skin lightly and moves his hips so that his quickly filling out cock can just tickle the fabric between them. Billy wants more than anything to strip them both and slide into Steve, but he knows that’s a long ways off and he also knows that if Steve says he never wants to have sex with him, he won’t care. Kissing him is enough. Loving him is enough. As long as he can have him like this, it’s enough. 

Billy is concentrating on pleasuring Steve and on the sounds he’s making. He’s listening for sounds of distress, but hears none. Thoughts flood him regarding their relationship and the fact that a month ago he barely cared about Steve Harrington except as a person who annoyed him. He kicks himself for ever thinking anything negative about the boy writhing beneath him. 

Billy continues his downward trek to mouth at Steve’s nipples, enjoying the needy moans that fill the room. He places gentle kisses on his waist and sides until he nuzzles the soft flesh of his belly. He moves up suddenly and begins to nibble at Steve’s ear and then place gentle kisses on his face before fully claiming his lips again. 

The kiss seems to last forever and then Billy is panting against Steve’s cheek, keeping his weight off of his hopefully one day boyfriend. “Please Steve… Oh God please let me put you in my mouth. I’ll make it good. Please….” He starts kissing Steve’s neck again, agony ripping through him as he continues to keep himself from grinding his pelvis down. He hears a whispered “yes” and he leans his head against Steve’s shoulder and nearly weeps in relief. He kisses Steve again and sits up a little so Steve can look him in the eye. “I’m going to make you feel so good, baby. I’m never going to hurt you, okay? All you have to do is say the word and I’ll have you in my arms and I swear I’ll hold you and keep you safe from whatever you need me to."

Billy moves in to kiss the corners of Steve’s eyes as he sees the moisture gathering there. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay… I promise.” 

He moves back down Steve’s body and settles between his legs, worrying at the skin above the waistband of his sweats before sitting back on his heels. He starts to pull at Steve’s clothes as Steve’s eyes shut. 

“No, sweetheart. I want you to look at me. I want you to know that I’m the one with you.” Steve’s eyes open slowly, his pupils blown wide, and Billy moans with want. He looks down as Steve is finally revealed to him and he looks up again. “God, baby… you’re fucking beautiful.” He doesn’t miss the look of disbelief on Steve’s face. “Beautiful.” Billy’s voice is firm and Steve’s eyes immediately soften.  


Billy pulls one leg out of the sweats and rests Steve’s ankle on his shoulder as he places soft kisses to his calf and the inside of his knee. He stays away from Steve’s feet, remembering that he’s ticklish. He doesn’t want anything to take away from the intensity that he’s feeling in the moment. As he continues lavishing attention on his leg, he slips the sweats the rest of the way down before releasing his leg and then giving the other one the same attention. 

After what seems like a blissful eternity, he settles between Steve’s thighs again and places a soft open mouthed kiss to each one and then looks up again. “The answer still yes?”  


Steve sits up on his elbows and looks wrecked in the best ways possible. He nods. 

“I need to hear it, Steve. Everything is yours. The control. The pleasure. All of it. Nothing happens unless you really want it. I won’t promise to never hurt you, but I can promise you that I’ll always try to do better.” He kisses Steve’s thighs again, not missing how hard Steve is and reveling in the fact that he’s the cause. 

Steve watches him a moment longer and then nods. “Yes. I… I want your mouth on me, Billy. I want it.”

Billy groans in relief and moves to gently take the weeping head of Steve’s cock into the warmth of his mouth. 

Steve’s head falls back and he gasps in pleasure. He struggles not to thrust up into the heat as he wants to allow Billy to set the pace and just relax and let himself go along for the ride. As Billy starts moving with a steady rhythm, he lifts his head again to watch and is surprised to find Billy’s eyes on him. A look of relief crosses Billy’s face and Steve is brought to tears by the fact that Billy was watching to make sure that he felt safe. He starts to move then, small thrusts to meet the suction of Billy’s mouth. When he feels his tongue start lapping at the vein underneath, he shudders. “God… please…” He whimpers. “Make me cum, Billy. Oh God, please….” 

The desperate sound of his voice causes Billy to start rutting against the mattress in time with his movement over Steve’s length. He wants to reach in and cup his balls or play with his gorgeous ass, but he holds back. He hadn’t asked Steve about that and he refuses to do anything unless Steve wants it. He also thinks that Steve probably has never had anything near his ass that hasn’t ended up with him hurting. A quick flash of Steve sitting in a shower crying over the pain he’s in enters his mind and makes him falter for a moment, but he picks up the pace again as he remembers that he’s doing what he can to heal Steve from all of that now by being kind and attentive. 

He continues to watch Steve and loves that their eyes meet when Billy’s so close. He begins to shoves his face into the soft pubic hair at Steve’s base as he starts allowing the head of Steve’s cock hit the back of his throat. He makes sure to memorize the way Steve’s thighs shudder and then clench gently around Billy’s head. Billy allows a moan of desire to vibrate through him and then looks up at Steve. When their eyes meet again, Billy gives the slightest of nods before setting a steady pace again. 

Steve lets out a guttural cry and gasps out Billy’s name as he releases and Billy grips Steve’s hips as Steve’s climax drags out and Steve’s cries become gasps and then whimpers. Billy pulls off and sees Steve breathing heavily, one arm thrown up and over his face. He kisses his way up Steve’s body again and is shocked when Steve’s other hand reaches out and fumbles to get into Billy’s pants to grip his dick. Billy had been so close, but he refused to be away from Steve long enough to finish and wanted to hold the other boy in his arms as he came down from his climax. Instead, he finds himself moaning and thrusting into Steve’s hand for only a few seconds before he comes hard, soiling the sweatpants he’s wearing. After Steve releases him and wipes his hand on the sheets, Billy starts kissing his chest again. “Are you okay?”

Steve removes his arm from his face and looks at Billy, tears in his eyes. “You’re fucking perfect, you know that? You… God, you made that so good for me and… I didn’t even know that…. That it could be like that.”

Billy smirks. “You mean that intense of an orgasm?”

Steve shakes his head. “No… well yes, but… I mean that I’ve never felt…. Wanted for me. I’ve just been a body for someone to get off on. Even in high school. It was just some sort of status thing to tell people they’d fucked ‘King Steve.’” He shrugs a shoulder. “I was just a means to an end.” 

Billy kisses Steve softly. “Not to me.”

Steve meets Billy’s gaze. “You hated me.”

Billy nods. “Yeah, I guess I did. But Steve, it wasn’t for the reasons you think.” He sits up. “Stay here. I need to clean up and then we’re going to talk, alright?”

Steve doesn’t protest so Billy goes into the bathroom to scrub the drying cum off of him before coming out and getting back into bed, pulling Steve into his arms so they’re face to face. 

Steve places his hand gently on Billy’s chest, watching as his fingers curl and uncurl against his flesh. “Billy, what are we doing here?” He looks up to meet Billy’s eyes again. 

Billy’s breath catches at the vulnerability that he sees in Steve’s expression and he takes a moment to collect his thoughts, not willing to fuck this up. “We’re… we’re getting used to each other. I’m trying to make sure that you feel safe with me. And I think you’re doing the same.”

Steve nods. “Yeah, I guess so. But… what about you hating me? You said it wasn’t for the reasons that I thought.”

Billy shakes his head. “I was jealous. It’s stupid. Now that I know more… it’s really stupid. My dad is such a dick and I can’t lash out at him so… I picked someone else… you know, someone who seemed to have some power.”

Steve mulls that over for a bit and then nods. “Yeah… yeah, that makes sense.” He starts to fiddle with the pendant around Billy’s neck. “Your mom’s, right?”

Billy smiles. “Right. God, seriously, Harrington… I really think she would have loved you. You’re kind and sweet and everything that I could want in…”

Steve frowns. “In a what?”

Billy shrugs. “In a friend. You’re great.”

Steve sighs. “Oh. Yeah, that’s nice of you. I think you’re great, too.”

Billy smiles “Wow, that sounds really convincing.” He admires the soft lines and curves of Steve’s back as the other boy sits up and follows in, running his hand down his back. “What’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours?”

Steve sits up a little straighter. “I’m not sure. I guess I like this. I like being here with you and it’s going to come to an end and then what? I just don’t know what to expect. Are we friends, Billy? You don’t know anything about me. You know one of my secrets, but you don’t know about who I am. You don’t know my life or how I feel about things. You only know a little and I’m worried that there’s nothing more to tell that’s the least bit interesting.”

Billy places a gentle kiss to the back of Steve’s shoulder. “God damn, baby…. You’re breaking my heart here, ya know?”

Steve turns to look at Billy over his shoulder. “Are you making fun of me?”

“No! No, never again. Look… I mean it. I don’t get why you think this shit about yourself. And I do know you. I know that you are a damn good basketball player when you’re not insecure about being upstaged. I know that you and Tommy were best friends forever and something happened that ended that. I know that sometimes you watch him and Carol together and you get a hurt look on your face when you see that you don’t have that anymore. I know that Nancy Wheeler did a fucking number on you and you still manage to be civil to her and her new man. I know that you’re good with kids and you genuinely care about them. I know you’re selfless. I know that you’re willing to beat the shit out of a man who hits his kids. I know you, Steve. I _know_ you.”

“Billy…”

“No, Steve. I need you to hear me. Everything about you is unbelievable. Nobody I’ve ever met is as good as you are. Maybe my mom, but she was kind of a saint.” He smiles sadly. “If my dad asked you for help in learning to be good… to be better… I’m certain you’d do that… you’d help. You’re _that_ kind of good.” He kisses Steve’s shoulder again. “And I know what you look like when you’re blissed out. I know what you look like when you’re scared and happy and angry. And I know that there are things you’re scared of that I can’t fight. But I’ll comfort you and support you and I’m not gonna leave, okay? I’m not going to be like Tommy and Nancy and your parents.” 

“Don’t say that. You… you don’t know.”

“Steve, I may fuck up, but I can promise I’ll never treat you like they did.”

Steve stands up. “ _No_ , don’t _say_ that!” He pulls on his sweats. “ _They_ said that! Everyone! My parents should have and they didn’t and then Tommy said he’d always have my back, but he didn’t! And Nancy… she was the one, you know? I _loved_ her!” He starts to sob. “I loved her… I’d never loved _anyone_ before her. And she was the first person who loved me back… but then she didn’t. She never did. And it was all a lie. And those stupid fuckers… those people… my nanny… she told me she wouldn’t leave. She said she wouldn’t be like my parents and god… she wasn’t. She made me feel so safe and then… then she… and she let them… She just _let_ them…” He doesn’t even realize he’s hit his knees until Billy is there and he’s kissing his face all over and begging him not to cry. When Steve looks up after getting his breathing under control, Billy’s crying, too. “Why are you crying?”

Billy hugs Steve close. “God, Steve… God, how could I have ever put you through the shit I did? What the fuck is wrong with me? You’ve been through too much. Too much and I just added more. Okay, I won’t promise anything. I’ll _show_ you. I’m not sure how, but I will. I will try… I can promise _that._ ”

Steve relaxes in the embrace and nods against Billy’s shoulder. “Yeah… yeah, alright… I can believe you. I can believe you’ll try.” 

Billy thinks about the day ahead of them, about how he has to make every second count for himself and for Steve. He knows that nothing his father will do can ever hurt him again, not as long as he has a purpose and he silently vows to himself that he’s going to follow and protect Steve Harrington for as long as the other boy will let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So nervous about this chapter! I wanted smut, but I wanted to really get people to feel the strength of the emotion to the point that it doesn't seem unreasonable that they feel this strongly after only a few days. I think being trapped together in their own little world really sped things up for them. Eventually, I'll address their return to the "real world," but that won't be for awhile. Don't need them, but I really love and appreciate comments and kudos. Regardless, I will continue writing as often as possible.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take another rough turn for the boys as they continue to work through some things and suffer the consequences for their very poor comnmunication skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter gets dark. MIND THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. There is a discussion of non-con in this and there is some very inappropriate blaming the victim stuff that is addressed, also. It might seem like an odd place to end it, but the next part in this series will pick up the very next day so it's not too bad. I wasn't sure whether I could continue writing for awhile. This particular chapter has been ongoing for weeks, but I'm kind of up and down right now and couldn't quite get to the place I needed to be to do this chapter justice. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint and I'm really looking forward to posting the next part in this series.

As Billy and Steve make their way downstairs, the phone rings. They look at each other and frown. They’re both aware that their time away from the world is coming to an end, but a phone call is a harsh reminder. Steve takes a deep breath and jogs the rest of the way down and picks up the phone. “Hello?”

“Mr. Harrington?”

“I’m sorry. Are you asking for me or for my father? He’s not here at the moment.”

“No, I believe I’m looking for you. Steve, right?”

Steve frowns. “Yes.”

Billy walks over, worried about the look on Steve’s face. 

“This is Neil Hargrove. I think you and I need to have a talk.”

“I don’t think there’s anything you have to say to me and I’m not sure you want to hear what I have to say to you.” Steve glances over and shakes his head, trying to indicate that everything is fine. 

“Look, my wife and I have made mistakes and we can admit that. I… want to find a way to make it right and I’m not sure how to do that. Can you at least meet with me?”

“I don’t know…” 

“Please… it can be after the holidays. I’ll take the time to prove that I’m doing well. We’ll listen to the police chief and we’re going to prove that we can be better. If we can do that for the rest of the month, will you meet with me? With us?”

Steve hesitates and tries to think about whether this is a good idea or not. “Are you sure you can do this?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m sure. Please don’t tell anyone, though. I don’t want people thinking that I’m only doing this for myself. I’m not going to tell anyone that I’m working to get better. I want them to understand it’s genuine and… Billy and Max deserve a father who loves them and gives them the… attention they deserve. I want to be there for them and protect them from… everything.”

The idea hits Steve hard and he thinks how nice it would be if his father wanted that. He huffs out a breath. “Okay, I’m… I’m willing.”

“Thank you! Remember, please don’t tell anyone.”

“I know. Hold on a second.” He looks over at Billy and whispers. “I hate to ask, but… can I have a minute? It’s…. family business.” He rolls his eyes. 

Billy smiles. “Sure.” He goes outside for a smoke, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling about someone calling Steve right after a snowstorm to talk about business. 

Once he’s gone, Steve sighs. “Okay, here’s the deal. I’m going to do this, but you’re going to do something for me, too. I don’t want Billy and Max alone with you… they stay with me on the weekends and… I stay with you during the week.”

“Where am I going to put you?”

“Billy and I are both guys. We’ll room together and then you don’t have to worry about Max seeing me in my underwear or anything.”

“You’re asking an awful lot.”

“Take it or leave it. And _if_ I see you trying, then we’ll talk after the New Year about how this is going to work and _if_ I’m going to help you patch things up with Billy and Max. And if you don’t try, well… sleep with your eyes open because you will _never_ hurt them again.”

There is a long pause and finally Neil’s voice comes back on the line, thick and frustrated. “Fine. It’s a deal.”

“We’re coming over early tomorrow then. I’ll be there with Billy so I can get settled and so you can make this your idea. Then I’m bringing him back to my place for the weekend. I’ll return with Billy and Max Sunday night.”

“That will be… fine. I’ll tell Susan.”

“And I’ll tell Hopper. And…” He takes a deep breath. “If there is any issue at all… you will take it up with me. Not Billy. Not Max. Not… Susan. Are we clear?” 

There is a chuckle that chills him to the bone on the other end of the line. “Crystal… Steve.”

He hangs up the phone and walks outside to find Billy. “My father’s lawyer. I guess I need to meet with him about my trust fund.”

Billy lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when Steve first looked concerned. “Oh, and that’s a bad thing?”

Steve shrugs. “Depends on what he has to say. But I don’t have to worry about that until next year so I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He hates lying to Billy but he also wants the blonde to have a chance at having a real father. And he remembers what Billy said about helping his father if he asked. Also, he doesn’t want to get Billy’s hopes up. At least the blonde won’t be hurt and that’s really all he cares about. “What do you want to do on our last day together?”

“Our last day? I thought… I thought I would stay for the weekend.”

“Billy, I’m going to take you home in the morning. I thought we could figure out what’s going on with your dad and Susan before we let Max come back. Then we’ll see if we’re okay with her going back there and I’ll see if I’m okay with _you_ going back there.”

Billy nods. “Okay, I can drive over there tomorrow. I’m not going to like it, though.”

“I told you. You won’t be alone. I’m going with you. Like I said, _we_ are going to make sure we know what’s going on over there.” He smiles. “Now… our last day. What do you want to do?”

“I want to fuck you.” At the barely hidden fear on Steve’s face, Billy holds up his hands to show he’s not a threat. “I know that’s not an option, but I want to be honest with you always so… there it is. I want to…yeah, well… you know.”

“I’m not really into pain.” He walks over and looks in the fridge. “We could… make something. Or you could start. I want to update Hopper on our plans to go over early.”

Billy holds back his look of horror when the mere mention of fucking Steve makes the other boy think of pain. “Oh.. yeah, good idea.” He walks over. “Hey, I’m going to come up behind you, alright?” He slides a hand gently around Steve’s waist and pulls him back away from the fridge, using his foot to nudge it closed. “Food later, alright? Turn around here and let me look at you.”

Steve smiles. “Look at me? There’s not much to see right now.” He turns and immediately his eyes go downward. 

“Nope.” Billy strokes Steve’s cheek. “No hiding, princess. I want to see those eyes.”

Steve looks up at him and shakes his head. “You treat me like I’m something special. You know… I’m just me, Billy. It’s not as if I’m some sort of rare jewel or something.” He smirks. 

“Don’t start. Let me have this sappy moment.” He leans in and kisses the other boy. “Steve, can we try something later? Tonight? I want to be with you again and I promise… I promise it won’t hurt. I just want to be close to you and… and it’s our last night.” 

Steve frowns a bit because he hates keeping plans from Billy. “You know I trust you, right? Nothing… nothing _you_ do will hurt me. When I don’t react well, it’s because of memories. It’s not you. I really need you to understand that. Your guilt doesn’t help me when I freak out. I just need you to be there _with_ me. Because this shit hurts both of us.”

Billy nods. “I think I get it. I really do.” He kisses Steve again, deepening it and pulling him even closer. After a moment he pulls away to catch his breath. “Baby… What you do to me… Jesus….”

Steve laughs. “You’re going to give me a huge ego if you don’t watch it.” He turns to get something out of the fridge again and settles on some eggs. He whips them up quickly and glances over at Billy, who has taken up residence on the kitchen counter. “You turn 18 soon, right?”

Billy nods. “Yeah, and I can’t wait. I am thinking of trying to find an apartment and all. It’s in February so… not really sure how I’ll make it work yet.”

“You don’t have to. You can just live here. You know, until you find something better.”

“Steve…”

“Seriously, it’s fine. I don’t mind and-“

“Steve!” Billy slips off the counter. “Look, I mean… living together? Snowed in is one thing, but… we need to be realistic here. I can’t just… I mean, I… I can’t.”

Steve keeps his eyes on the eggs as he moves them in the pan to keep them fluffy. He can feel the heat starting behind his eyes and realizes that he’s an idiot. Of course Billy wouldn’t want to take a step like that with him. They hardly know each other and the things they’ve shared have been a result of being stuck together. If it weren’t for that, they still wouldn’t be talking. Maybe a bit of thawing, but nothing like this. He puts some of the eggs on a plate and then puts the pan down, skipping out on putting eggs on his own plate. The idea of the things he’s done with Billy, the _sexual_ things, hit him out of nowhere. His father’s voice in his head gets loud. _I can’t believe that someone would just come here to do those things if they didn’t have a reason. Are you flirting with people, Steve? Are you saying things you don’t understand? You can’t blame people for doing what you push them to do._ He feels his stomach start to roll and pushes Billy aside, not even knowing when he’d come close. He runs into the downstairs bathroom and empties whatever is still in his stomach, which isn’t much. He blindly reaches up and locks the door. 

Billy is doing pretty well watching Steve make him breakfast, but then Steve starts talking about moving in together and Billy decides to open his fucking mouth. So now he’s pacing back and forth in front of the bathroom door. He isn’t upset about living with Steve, but he thinks Steve should be wary of _him_. Steve hasn’t done a whole hell of a lot to hurt him, at least not intentionally. Well… once, but that pales in comparison to how many times Billy has tried to be cruel to the other boy this past week. The idea that he’ll put Steve through even more and that Steve won’t easily be able to get away from him is terrifying. But Steve has most likely taken this as him being rejected. _Again_ , Billy thinks guiltily. “Fuck….” He pounds on the door. “Steve, please open the door. Please?” He presses his ear against the door and can hear Steve spitting out what must be mouthwash. Then the water runs for a bit and the toilet flushes. Then it’s quiet again. “Steve? Princess?”

Steve opens the door and keeps his eyes on the ground. “It’s fine.”

“Don’t. Don’t say that. I didn’t mean what it probably sounded like.”

Steve shrugs and glances up. “Don’t look at me like that.” He pushes past him. 

Billy grabs his arm. “Steve…”

“No! Let me just give up, okay? Let me just… not care anymore. You don’t know what it’s like to keep hoping and thinking that maybe one day you won’t be the person to get away from but will be the person someone _wants_ to be with! Nobody.. nobody wants to be near me and I need to stop thinking that anything is ever going to change.”

Billy yanks Steve toward him. “Enough…” As Steve struggles, Billy pulls him harder, almost taking him off balance. “Enough!” 

Steve stops struggling. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me! You take off and you don’t fucking listen! If you’d stayed then you would have known what I meant. Jesus, I’m not trying to be an asshole here, but sometimes you make it impossible.”

Steve starts to tremble. “Please… please let go.” 

Billy is suddenly very aware of how hard he’s holding Steve’s arm and he lets go as if he’s being burned. He can clearly see the imprint of his hand and has a sickening feeling that it’s going to bruise. “Shit… this is what I was talking about! I can’t live with you, Steve, because I’ll _hurt_ you! Shit, you think I don’t want to be around you? Are you crazy? I want to be around you, but you shouldn’t want to be around _me_!”

“You don’t mean to hurt me-“

“But I do!”

Steve sighs. “Not on purpose and I’m a big boy. I can handle it and I can handle telling you when things are not okay.”

“I meant what I said. I can’t have you running off to the bathroom to puke every time I say the wrong thing or you’ll waste away.”

Steve shakes his head. “That wasn’t… It wasn’t you really. It’s complicated. But it wasn’t you.”

Billy takes Steve’s hand gently. “Eat breakfast with me and then spend the day with me? Nothing major. You have some pretty cool books around here so maybe just a day in relaxing and reading?”

“Will you read to me?”

Billy leans in and pulls Steve into a hug. “I’d love to.”

The morning passes quickly as they talk about their plans for school and work that still has to be completed before winter break. Steve says something about packing a bag to keep in his car since he has been taught a lesson that this winter might get rough sometimes and he has to be ready to crash wherever he happens to be in the moment. Their afternoon is spent with Billy reading poetry to Steve and Steve eventually falling asleep, his head in Billy’s lap. 

Billy looks down at the sleeping boy and puts the book aside. He hasn’t had much of an opportunity to really look at Steve. They’ve mostly been sleeping at the same time or Steve has been too shy. So Billy studies the brunette. He strokes his hair back from his face and smiles at the small noise Steve makes before nuzzling closer to Billy’s stomach. He looks at his lips and marvels at how soft and kissable they look. He rubs the back of his hand against Steve’s jaw and smiles at the lack of stubble. He wonders how often he has to shave. Billy feels that he shaves at least daily. Less if he wants to look a bit rugged.

His eyes drift over Steve until he comes to the ugly bruising on his right arm. Billy bites his lower lip hard, hating himself even though Steve has constantly told him not to every time Billy’s gaze lingered there for too long. He thinks of Steve under him that awful night at the Byers’ and how he’s been so enraged that he hit the boy over and over again. Thinking of hitting King Steve isn’t bothering him that much. But thinking of hitting a boy who is nice and caring to anyone who needs him hurts. And thinking of hitting a boy who had been held down by people as a child and used for their own sick pleasures… that kills him inside. Sometimes he goes over that night in his head, now that he knows Steve. He thinks about showing up at the door and having Steve come over to him and act like he doesn’t care. But it plays out differently.

_He thinks the whole way about what his father had said and done. Somewhere in his mind, it registers that his father is more irresponsible than he accuses Billy of being. They were three hours late and somehow it was his fault for having a life. He knows he fucked up. He apologized and that usually was enough, but he had to mention that Max isn’t his sister and then all bets were off. His father never hits him that hard. That isn’t what made him cry. It’s the fact that his mother left him and his father hates him and he’s not sure who he hates more for that. Both of them can drop dead for all he cares. And then he gets to the house and there’s Steve._

_“Am I dreaming or is that you, Harrington?” He hopes he’s dreaming. He hopes that Harrington isn’t here with Max and that she’s somehow decided to sneak out to see him. He hopes that Harrington isn’t the type to do something like that to a kid._

_“Yeah, it’s me. Don’t cream your pants.” That pisses him off. As if he knows somehow. As if he has let it show that he likes guys, that he knows that’s why his mom left and his father looks at him like he’s scum. But maybe there’s an explanation. Maybe.._

_“What are you doing here, amigo?” Part of him means it. He wants to be non-threatening. He wants someone to actually be his friend. But of course he doesn’t say that. Of course he doesn’t._

_“I could ask you the same thing…. Amigo.” Okay, so the ‘amigo’ thing apparently didn’t go over like he wanted it to. Steve clearly is taking it as a taunt. Maybe it’s time to just own up to what he’s doing here._

_“Looking for my stepsister. A little birdie told me she was here.” He’s kind of hoping that Steve is going to say that she’s here, playing with the nerds. He hopes that Steve asks if Billy wants to come in. He wants Steve to look confused and ask if Max hadn’t told him she was coming over. He wants Steve to turn back to the house and yell for Max and then scold her for leaving without telling anyone. But he doesn’t._

_“Huh. That’s weird. I don’t know her.” And now Billy knows he’s lying. If he had said he hasn’t seen her, he would buy that, but saying he doesn’t know her… that’s too far of a lie to be believed. So he gets mean. And they fight. And all of it goes to hell. But when he imagines it based on what he knows now, it all changes._

_“Harrington… Steve, please don’t lie to me. I really need your help. My dad… he’s pissed off that she’s not home and I took the punishment for it. If she really isn’t here then can you at least help me find her?”_

_Steve frowns. “What do you mean you took the punishment? You grounded or something? Look… she’s here but she doesn’t want anyone to know. She’s just hanging out with her friends and that includes Lucas. I’m watching them. They’re honestly not doing anything wrong.”_

_Billy looks toward the house and sees the four kids looking out before ducking down. “They’re not very good at hiding.”_

_Steve smiles. “Yeah, they’re way too nosy for that.” Steve glances back at the now empty window and then looks back and studies Billy. “What do you have against Lucas anyway?”_

_“Nothing. Not really. But my dad… he’s a dick and he has these shit feelings about people. My dad is bad enough to me. I don’t want to see her get hurt, too.”_

_“Too? Is your dad… hurting you?”_

_Billy shrugs. “It’s not important.”_

_“Fuck that. It’s important. Look, come in and talk to Max. She shouldn’t have left you to deal with the fallout. I’m sorry for that.”_

_“S’not your fault, man.”_

_“Maybe not, but I’m still sorry.” He looks up toward the sky for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. “And then… then I’m going to follow you home after you come in and relax for a while and really get to know Lucas. The kids can be assholes, but they have good hearts. I won’t tell them about your dad, but I am going to your house tonight and I am letting your dad know that he’s on notice. He fucks with you or Max again, I’m involving the law. And you and Max can always come to my house, okay? Any time of the day or night. I won’t turn you away.”_

_“Are you for real, Harrington?”_

_Steve smiles sadly. “Sometimes I wonder.” He tilts his head toward the house. “Come on, man. Pretty sure there’s a beer or two we can steal.”_

Billy doesn’t realize that he’s crying until Steve sighs softly and moans at the feel of the wetness dropping onto his own face. Billy wipes his eyes quickly and then thumbs the drop off of Steve’s cheek. Everything could have been so different. But it’s not. And that’s Billy’s fault. And he knows it. He looks back down to see Steve looking back at him, concern etched into every line on his face. “I… I didn’t mean to wake you.” His voice is hoarse as he tries to keep his emotions in check. 

Steve reaches up and cups Billy’s cheek. “You’re crying.”

Billy shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”

Steve’s eyes roam over Billy’s face as if looking for something to prove that Billy’s telling the truth and coming up empty. “It’s not nothing.” His hand moves to Billy’s hair as he leans up. “You’re so beautiful. Don’t cry, Billy.” He kisses him gently, nothing sexual at all in it. He puts all of his care and concern into that one kiss and Billy breaks. 

“I’m so sorry, Steve.” He curses as more tears fall and he pulls Steve up to support his back and lift him onto his lap. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you.”

Steve frowns. “Billy, I told you it’s not a big deal. You didn’t know you were hurting me and once I asked you to let go, you did.”

Billy laughs wetly. “I’m not talking about that, but it is so…. _you_ to think that I am. I beat the shit out of you only a few months ago. And you’re talking about your arm.”

“Yeah… I mean I forgave you for all the rest and I’m trying to forgive you for my arm if you’d let me.” He smiles that goofy patient smile, the same one that he gave Billy that night. 

“Why didn’t I see how beautiful you were that night?”

“Because I lied to you.” He frowns then. “I know that… I know that I pushed you to do that, Billy. I lied to you and I made a joke out of you calling me amigo. I didn’t know what it meant. I’m not that smart and later I found out from Nancy that it means friend and I don’t think you were joking. You were reaching out and I was too stupid to know it.”

“You’re not stupid.”

Steve shrugs. “And then I fucking lie to you and it makes sense that you got angry.”

“Are you trying to take the blame for this?”

Steve sighs. “I’ve been blamed for… other things.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean… I started to wonder if you didn’t want to really be here with me. I thought that I somehow… forced you…. Or did something that made you do things you didn’t want to do. I thought… I thought maybe if I didn’t… do something to make you want me, then you wouldn’t and that you would realize there’s something wrong with me and that’s the only reason why you wanted to be sexual with me.”  
Billy’s eyes widen. “Jesus… that’s a lot of… wait… wait, did someone _tell_ you that shit?” The downcast look gives him his answer. “What the hell? That makes no sense. Did those bastards who hurt you tell you that?” He frowns when Steve still doesn’t look at him. “Steve… tell me who said those things to you.” 

Steve sighs deeply. “My father.”

And the rage that Billy feels is not comparable to anything he’s ever felt before. He knows that Steve’s father said some stupid shit to his son about the whole thing. Knows that he didn’t protect his child, but to know _and_ convince a child that the fault was on that kid for being abused… to convince Steve there was something faulty in him that made people touch him like… like… Billy growls low in his throat and his arms tighten around the other boy. He’s mindful of his strength this time, though, and he pulls Steve toward him and holds him. “We’re both so fucked up, huh?”

Steve hugs him back. “Nah, but everyone else is.”

Billy laughs at that. “You are a piece of work.”

Steve pulls back. “What made you cry?”

“It’s like I said. I was thinking about that night and how it could have gone differently. I was thinking of all the time I missed out on. You and I could have had something a long time ago.”

Steve shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah, but who cares? We have something now.”

Billy smiles. “You’re amazing.” He kisses him again and this time it’s not chaste. It’s hungry and desperate. “Steve… I’ll never push you. I won’t, but… I want to explore you. I want to touch you everywhere and show you that everything you learned about pleasure and your body is wrong. Will you let me? You can always say no. Always. The minute you do, it all stops and I’ll hold you in my arms and that’s it. Please?”

Steve frowns. “I mean… maybe. Can we… talk about it first?”

Billy smooths Steve’s hair back away from his face. “Sure. What do you want to talk about? Things you don’t like?”

Steve nods. “Yeah, and you, too. I want to know things you don’t like.”

Billy kisses Steve’s cheek and smiles against his skin. “Honestly, there is nothing with you that I’m not going to like, but… I suppose if there’s a point where… I mean if you’re ever inside of me, I want to be the one doing all the… uh… driving. I prefer being the dominant one in bed. Not whips and chains shit. I just like to be in control, but… that doesn’t mean I’ll ever force you. I’m just kind of… uh…”  
“An alpha dog?” Steve smirks. “Yeah, I kind of figured. If we… If we do that, I’m okay with that. That’s really all you want to tell me about your preferences?”

Billy shrugs. “That’s it. I mean I prefer to be the one doing the fucking, but that’s just me. Some people like being filled. Some people like the heat of being encased in the body of someone else. I prefer the latter. Some people like both and I wouldn’t complain about either. I just prefer one over the other. But for you, I’ll do anything just to keep you comfortable and it’s always going to be good for me.”

Steve nods, but then his face gets that worried look again. “I have a few things I don’t like.”

“It’s okay. I want to know.”

“I don’t know if I can handle being fucked. I don’t… I mean it hurts and I don’t like that.”

“First of all, sweetheart, it isn’t supposed to hurt. Not like that. I mean there might be some initial discomfort, but nothing that is going to really scare you.”

“Oh. Well… I wouldn’t mind you teaching me that, but… maybe not sex? Or maybe sex. I don’t know.”

“We don’t have to plan it all out. We can just go where the moment takes us. No expectations.”

Steve nods and takes a deep breath. “That… that actually helps me relax.” He smiles slightly. “If anything happens, I really want to be able to see you. If I can’t see you then I don’t know that it’s you and I… I don’t want to go back there, even if it is just in my mind.”

“There’s no _just_ anything. I don’t want you hurting at all so you can bet that I’m going to make sure you know who is with you.”

“I think that’s most of it. It’s hard to think about it until it’s happening.” Steve turns so he’s straddling Billy. “Maybe we make tonight special. I’m going to miss you being here.”

“Me, too. I don’t like the idea of you being all alone in this house.”

Steve has to admit to himself that part of his deal with Neil Hargrove was self-serving. He hates being alone in the house anyway, but after having Billy here for a week has changed Steve so much. He thinks the emptiness of the lonely house will pull him under if he doesn’t find a way to avoid it. “I don’t, either. I have to keep the lights on when I’m alone. Otherwise I get scared and sometimes… sometimes I zone out and I kind of lose myself. It’s… terrifying when that happens.”

“You’re not alone tonight. And all you have to do is pick up the phone anytime and I’ll be here, okay?”

Steve nods. “That sounds nice… being able to count on someone.”

“Now, you’ve pretty much slept the afternoon away. And I’m glad because you needed the sleep. Anything you want to do now?”

Steve looks around and nods. “Yeah, but you’re not going to like it….”

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

Billy won’t admit it, but he actually enjoyed doing housework. The beds were stripped and re-made, the kitchen and all of the bathrooms are spotless, and there is not a dirty item of laundry in sight. The sidewalks are all cleared and salted and the cars are cleaned off completely. The driveway is completely free of snow and ice and both of their cars were on for about 10 minutes to make sure they were in good shape before being shut down for the night. All of the blankets and odds and ends that never ended up getting picked up by the fire were cleaned and put away. Even the refrigerator and stove were spotless, inside and out. 

After Hopper confirms there is no school tomorrow due to a continued power outage at the high school, Steve makes dinner for them. He manages to find enough food to feed an army and packs up some things to send with Billy in the morning. Granted, he also knows that he’ll be staying at the house with him, but he doesn’t want Billy to know that at the moment. 

Afterward, when the dishes have been washed, dried, and put away and the food is all safely in containers in the refrigerator, Steve takes Billy’s hand and leads him upstairs. “I… I have to take a shower. Just to calm my nerves. And then we can curl up together, okay?”

Billy smiles. “Sounds perfect.” He watches Steve go into the bathroom and then grabs a towel and goes into the guest bathroom. He takes his time, but also doesn’t want Steve to wait for him alone for long. He pulls on some sweatpants over his still damp body and goes into Steve’s room just in time to see Steve pulling up his own sleep pants over his bare skin. He clears his throat and walks over. He pulls Steve to him and kisses him deeply. 

Steve responds eagerly and moans into the kiss before finally coming up for air. “Billy…”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know if I can do much.”

Billy steps back and sits on the bed, a clearly pissed off and disappointed look on his face. “Steve….”

Steve immediately shuts down and reverts to what he always does when he needs someone’s approval and is afraid of losing it. It’s worse with Billy because he never realized how much he wants someone to care about him the way Billy has in the last few days. “I’m joking. I can do _anything_ with you.” He moves over and straddles one of Billy’s legs and leans down to kiss him. Billy responds quickly, more than happy to forget all about that first bump in the road, and wraps his arms around the other boy. Steve is suddenly pushing him back, his face pressed into Billy’s neck. “I’m going to make you feel so good.”

Billy’s arms go around him and he moans in want and need. He doesn’t want to go home tomorrow and it feels as if he has to grasp every single second of tonight. He moves to kiss Steve, but is unable to get a good look at him because Steve is kissing his neck and not letting up. As Steve grinds down on top of him, rubbing him off with his thigh, the kisses turn into harsh breathing and the thrusts seem desperate. Billy thinks for a second that Steve is close to a climax, but when he reaches down to slow them and back them up a bit, he finds that Steve isn’t hard at all. Billy tries to push the brunette off of him, but Steve is rutting into him like an animal. Billy finally uses his strength to throw him off. Steve lands on his ass and looks up at Billy, stunned. 

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me?” Billy stands up and shakes his head. “Seriously, I talk to you about being together and you act like you have to fuck me into the ground or I’m going to what? Hate you? Leave you? Fuck, Steve, I thought we were starting to understand each other. I thought… I thought you trusted me.”

“I… I do!”

“You clearly don’t. I’m not… I can’t handle all of this, okay? I’m just not going to be able to be that person for you. I thought I could, but this is too much. I’ve got my own shit to figure out. I can’t be the punching bag for you while you figure _your_ shit out, too.”

Steve stands and glares at Billy. “Really? So you can’t handle some missteps on my part, but I had to be the _actual_ punching bag when you needed to figure _your_ shit out while, by the way, I was still dealing with all of my shit. God, you’re no different than anyone else.”

“You mean like my father?”

Steve’s eyes widen in shock because he would never compare Billy to that asshole. “I didn’t say that!”

“Yeah, because I’m nothing like the people who hurt you, but you sure as _shit_ are like the guy who hurt _me_! Twisting things around and making it look like my fault when it’s really yours. You know, I’m not some horned up asshole who is going to take advantage of someone just for kicks. But you throw yourself at me like some sort of whore so I don’t know what you expect me to do! There’s nothing wrong with me, but there is with you and I’m not going to be the bad guy in your story while you play victim. You totally tried to trick me into being with you and next you’ll be whining about how you weren’t ready and how I took advantage and seriously, _fuck_ you! Maybe I should just shove you onto your bed and rip into your ass so you _actually_ have something to cry about. Fuck… _fuck_!” He walks out and slams the door, trying to figure out why he’s so angry. Like before, an inner voice is yelling inside of him while he is yelling at Steve to shut up and everything gets muddled very quickly. 

He gets halfway down the stairs when the tears come. By the time he gets to the bottom, he barely manages to stop the sob that wants to rip through him. Steve specifically told him something that hurt him so much and then he does the same thing to him. He doesn't understand why, when he feels as if he's not good enough, he attacks people with things that really hurt and cause so much damage. He's certain that his words are far more lethal than his fists can ever be. 

He sits down on a lower step and rests his arms, his elbows on his knees. He drops his head down and runs his fingers through his hair. He doesn’t want to go back to his father’s home. He doesn’t want to be away from Steve. He doesn’t want to be scared again. He wants to stay here, with Steve, and even with Max. Steve is kind to him and when Billy pisses him off, he doesn’t get hit. Steve stayed by his side when they were out in the snow and after Billy shoved him. He wanted to help him after he bit the shit out of him and disrespected him time and time again. 

He jumps when he feels a hand on his arm and looks up to see Steve sitting a step above him. “I threatened your dad.”

Billy was expecting to hear a lot of things, but not that. “Wait…what? When?”

“That call I took about family business? I lied. It was your dad. He wanted to find out how to repair the relationship and he wants my help.”

Billy shakes his head. “So you threatened him?”

“I explained that you and Max are not allowed to be at his house on the weekends. You’ll be with me then. But on school days, I’m going to be staying there with you. And if he really wants to make things right with you and I see an improvement, I will work with him on being a better father to you. And if not.. I told him to learn to sleep with his eyes open….”

Billy wipes the wetness from his face. “You did that? For me?”

Steve nods. “Of course I did that for you. You’re worth it.” He looks down at his feet. “You should know that your father begged me not to tell you any of this because he didn’t want you to think that he isn’t serious. I think you are really upset about going back and I get it, but then I realized that it’s not fair if you think you’re going back alone. I’m not leaving your side. Oh, and your dad is going to make it seem like his idea. That was my stipulation so let him have that, okay?”

“I really don’t want you there or anywhere near him.”

“I know, but it doesn’t change anything. I’ll be there regardless.” He stands up and goes to the kitchen to get a drink of water. And that’s when Billy notices that his hands are shaking. 

He is about to go over to Steve, when the brunette holds up his hand to stop him. “I can’t. Not yet. I’m going to be by your side, but right now you’re safe and I can’t… I can’t… I just need a minute.” He takes another drink of water and then another. Pretty soon, the movements get quicker, almost frantic. But then Steve throws the glass in the sink as if it’s poison and backs up a step. “Shit.” He takes a step forward to deal with the glass, but then Billy is there and he’s leading Steve away and toward a chair. 

He pushes him down into it. “I’ll get it. Sit here and breathe for me, okay?”

Steve sits down and watches Billy move around and clean up the mess he made. While Billy is busy looking for a place to take care of the glass, Steve goes upstairs quietly. When Billy turns around, he frowns. He didn’t hear Steve go upstairs so he’s not sure how long the other boy has been gone. He rushes upstairs and finds the bedroom door locked. His eyes widen and he knocks. “Steve? Hey, let me in, okay?” He waits and hears nothing. Pretty soon he’s knocking again louder and harder. Again, there is nothing. 

Billy paces outside of the room and tries to figure out if he’s just overreacting or if he’s got a reason to be worried. He decides pretty quickly and yells out a warning to get away from the door before rearing back and slamming his foot into the door. He swears as he hasn't bothered to put on shoes, but the door gives a bit. He rubs his foot and then turns and slams his shoulder into the door. It pops open easily enough on the first try and he looks around. The light is on and he doesn’t hear anything, but he goes over to the bathroom and finds the door open. He turns and goes to the other side of the bed to see Steve with his knees up to his chest. “Steve?”

“I get so tired of holding on.”

“Steve….” Billy frowns, hating that Steve is in this state because of him. 

“You know, I try to move forward and I can’t. All because I can’t let go of the past. I try. Nobody, in all this time, has found out what happened… what my life is really like. And then you show up and monsters invade my life and everything goes to shit.”

Billy sits down facing the other way so he can look at Steve. “Let me-“

Steve looks up then, his eyes frantic. “I’m so afraid, Billy. And you're not like your father. I swear that never even entered my mind.”

“I know, sweetheart. I shouldn't have said those things, though. There's no excuse for that. None. But I'm with you now and nobody’s going to hurt you. Stay here and I'm going to get you some more water.”

Steve shakes his head. “No… No, please don’t leave me.” He looks away then. “It’s okay if you’re angry at me. It’s okay. But please don’t walk away. Nobody knows. Nobody knows most of it but you and I don’t have to pretend and I can’t. I can’t keep doing it. Not all the time. I don’t care if you hate me, but please don’t leave. I don’t want it to be in the dark anymore. Maybe if I can just keep you close, I’ll get over it. Maybe I can tell you _all_ of it."

Billy’s eyes widen at just how frantic the other boy is. “Whoa…” Instead he turns so he’s next to Steve and pulls him against his side. As Steve begins to sob while he’s babbling, Billy uses one hand to grip Steve’s hair and pull his head under his chin so he can force him to hear his heartbeat. Billy's grip loosens then and he strokes his fingers through Steve’s hair. “Shhh baby… God, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have-“

“He raped me.” It’s whispered and Billy would have missed it if it hadn’t broken his heart into a million pieces. Steve had made comments about being touched and that is horrific enough, but knowing the details was something Billy didn’t realize would tear him apart until now. 

“Steve… Steve, I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” He can hear the sorrow in his own voice and feels the tears slipping down. 

“He said what you did. I know you didn’t mean it, but he did. He said that I was overdramatic. He said that I lured him in and was playing victim and that he was the one who was tricked and that there was… something about me and he couldn’t help himself and…”

“No, Steve. No…” He sighs. “None of what happened to you was your fault and nothing earlier was your fault, either. I lost it and it’s my fault. I should have known something was wrong, but I was too caught up in how good _I_ felt and I hated myself and took it out on you.”

Steve curls impossibly closer. “Dad said that there was something _wrong_ with me.”

“Your dad’s a dick.” Billy thinks for a moment and then something occurs to him. “Steve… hold old were you when this happened?”

Steve sits up, genuinely confused. “The first time?”

Billy pulls Steve’s head against his chest quicky again so that he can’t see the look of horror that has to be on his face now. “Yeah… the first time.”

Steve shrugs. “Ten maybe?”

Billy closes his eyes and remembers how Steve seemed closed off when he first met him, but now he knows that he battled hell just to get to a place where he was King Steve only to be torn down by people who said they cared about him. And himself. He won’t forget that. He won’t _let_ himself forget it. “And… the last time?” Billy waits for a few minutes and then clears his throat. “Steve?”

Steve sits up quickly and then stands, practically pushing Billy off of him. “Are you hungry?”

Billy watches as Steve starts to walk away and jumps up, grabbing his arm. “No, Steve. I asked you a question and I want an answer.”

Steve meets his eyes then. “No. You _don’t_.”

“Please… please tell me.”

Steve crosses his arms over his chest. “I shouldn’t have told you anything. You’re going to make a big deal out of it.”

“I won’t make too big of a deal over it. I promise.”

“Really?”

Billy nods. “I mean it. I promise.” Billy steels himself. The fact that Steve doesn’t want him to know means that it happened since he’s been in town which means he’s going to kill somebody. 

“I don’t remember a lot of it. I was pretty… I mean I was on a lot of pain pills.”

Billy lets go of Steve’s arm a bit and stumbles back. “From when… when I beat the shit out of you.”

Steve shrugs. “One of dad’s business associates. He was staying for the weekend and my parents were in and out, usually out, and one night…” He sighs. “I don’t know how it all happened. I remember there was pain and then I remember him talking to me and saying… things. It’s like looking at it through a window smeared with Vaseline. It feels like it, too. It’s kind of there and not there at the same time. But I remembered him from when I was younger. I always thought it was only the girl who was supposed to watch me, but I think maybe this guy did it on his own and when I confronted him, he said…. Well, what you said. And my dad wouldn’t say a bad word against him. He’s one of dad’s biggest clients.”

“And you’re his _son_! Fuck, I’m going to kill him. Both of them actually.”

“You promised you wouldn’t make a big deal out of it!”

“No, I promised I wouldn’t make _too_ big of a deal out of it. God, I was just… when you said you couldn’t do this with me, I was so angry at those fuckers who hurt you. Listen to me, I will kill anyone who tries to hurt you again, alright? I'm not leaving your side. I hate those fuckers and I was so sad for you when you couldn't be with me the way I know you want to and-“

“I thought you were angry at me. That’s why I… I just didn’t want you to go. So I tried to give you what you wanted….”

Billy shakes his head. “Please please please don’t ever do that. I’m sorry I said those things. I’m an idiot and an asshole and I don’t want you to hurt yourself to do what you think will make me happy.”

Steve nods. “I can try and stop myself. It just.. happened.”

“Do me a favor?”

Steve glances up. “What?”

“Lay down with me and we can get some sleep before tomorrow. But please let me hold you, okay?”

“Come on, man. That’s lame. You know that you want to fuck me tonight. You told me so.”

“Hey, you’re gay for me and I’m good with that. You don’t have to prove it, alright?” He bumps Steve’s chin with his finger, getting him to look at him again. “Alright?”

Steve studies him. “And if I can only take things so far, that will be enough for you?”

Billy smiles and kisses Steve gently. “Baby, you’re always enough for me.”

The brunette leans into the kiss and then hugs Billy as if he’s holding onto a life line. “Thank God for snow storms, huh?”

Billy grins as he strokes Steve’s hair again. “Yeah. Thank God.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! The part that is supposed to propel the story from enemies to friends to lovers in a few short chapters. Not really what I like to do but I want to get to some good fluff once in awhile. The next part will be far fluffier and eventually there will be more smut.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no intention of leaving this for long. I'm thrilled that I enjoy writing again. This story definitely has an outline and I'm hoping that I can actually start another series after this one that will be a bit more angst driven and that one will definitely be all Explicit. Some of the ideas I already had before I found these prompts might just be too dark for this series. I tend to really torture my characters and I'm just not feeling it with the Christmas prompts. I'm going to put the boys through absolute hell eventually and even though this one will certainly get rough, I think I'm going to try to keep it more of the buildup for the awful knock em down and kick em series later on. Hope it works out the way I want. I am trying to avoid rushing through the story. Thanks for reading!


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